Wednesday, June 11, 2008

You Can Make Motoring Miles Better!

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Transport Editor Wynn Screenwiper

Here in Thanet we love our motors! Whether it be a bashed up banger, a white van the size of a double-decker bus, or that cherished P plate Peugeot with the hand painted bonnet, there's one thing you can say about Thanetians - we gotta have wheels! But with the price of petrol and diesel busting the £28 per litre barrier, keeping your motor running is fast becoming the sole prerogative of the posh, poncy few.

So how can you improve your MPG without going to all the hassle of GBH? (Eh? - Ed.) We asked a panel of motoring experts for their top tips (that didn't involve having a mate down the harbour with unlimited access to cheap marine diesel).

1. Yabadabadoo! Take a tip from the Flintstones - get a mechanic to cut a hole in your footwell, then in slow-moving traffic just turn off the engine and move your motor by manpower! Note: owners of Italian vehicles can save on the mechanic by merely applying a hefty boot to the floor panel.

2. It's a breeze! Make sure you always have a following wind whenever you set off on your journey. Be sure to check weather forecasts regularly for the right conditions to make your return trip.

3. Get hitched! If the car in front has a tow bar, gradually creep up until it hooks onto your front bumper. Then pop her in neutral and hey-presto! You're on your way to visit their Auntie Doris in Dorset!

4. Watts up Doc! It's a well known fact that it costs much less to power a vehicle using electricity. But the price of conversion is prohibitive. Not to worry - you already have an electric starter motor! Just drain the tank dry then travel everywhere by merely selecting first gear then turning the key in your steering column. Don't forget, though, to carry some high voltage cables to charge up whenever you're near a handy lamp post.

5. Put a Tiddles in your tank! Fed up with the cat just eating, sleeping and pooing all day? Turn it into biodiesel and make it earn its keep! One moggy makes around 2.5 litres, according to the inventor of the process, Dr Christian Koch.

(That's enough tips - Ed.)

8 comments:

Dick Rubin said...

To cut down on engine friction and therefore increase your old banger's ability to perform fill her with super lube.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Works especially well if you've got a hot rod, I hear!

Anonymous said...

Dusting off the velocipede (bicycle to the less educated) is pretty good for saving petrol too. No petrol required of course and quite legal reasons for not having tax, insurance and MOT either. Don't cycle on the pavements though or Her Majesty's Rozzers (Thanet branch) will be after you, quite right too!

Anonymous said...

Nicking people riding on the pavement is about all they are up to IMO

Peter Checksfield said...

Thanet is a great place for not using the car, as there's quite a few excellent cycle & footpaths, & it's also relatively flat. This afternoon I walked across the fields from Westbrook (Margate) to Ramsgate, & it took me 2 hours (I got the train home though!).

Anonymous said...

I can't understand why someone in Broadstairs has to drive to work in Margate when the Thanet Loop is an excellent service or if buses aren't your thing, why more people don't ride a bike. Lazy bastards.

Anonymous said...

Do people work in Margate?

Anonymous said...

no they justw hinge