Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Silly As A Bum Full Of Smarties

Phew! It's all go here in NZ! I've been busier than a one-armed bricklayer in Baghdad!

The act's going down well with the Kiwis. Maybe that's because it's so wet here you'd need an entire tanker load of fuel to set any kind of premises alight. Still, with petrol at 45p a litre, and diesel 35p, you wouldn't have to save up for very long.

Not so keen on the glitterati parties, though. Too many disco biscuits. It all gets madder than a clam's cock, as my road manager Kenny puts it. Not my cup of Earl Grey, really.

So for relaxation I've been doing a spot of souvenir shopping for some of the other bloggers on the Ile de Thanet. Here's my selection so far:

For our lamp-post-and-flagpole-erecting councillor Dave Green, I've picked up this natty, 45 metre wind wand from New Plymouth. Being constructed of fibre glass, it bends in the wind, giving an indication of strength and direction. A practical piece of coastal art which will look jolly splendid on the East Cliff, once that hideous temporary fencing is dispensed with. I'm sure Arts and Elbows will appreciate it too, as it was knocked up by world renowned Kiwi kineticist Len Lye.

The pies have it! Both the Aussies and Kiwis are obsessed with pies, so what better to bring back for Bignews Tony (Man Eating Sausage In Wenceslas Square) than a selection of NZ's finest? If I can get them through biosecurity, that is.

I wouldn't want Ramsgate Tourettes' Lucy Mail feeling right out in the cold, so I've purchased a pair of purple possum nipple warmers for the foamy one. I suspect she'll only be needing the one, but she can always keep the other in case she fancies getting a left out as well.

And finally, I thought this might tickle Justin Brown's fancy. Now, unlike a drug addict, he can wash his crack and enjoy it all over again!


tony flaig bignews said...

what goes into the pies?

im particular?

Eastcliff Richard said...

Hello Tony old sport! Isn't it time for your beddy-byes over there in Blighty?

Actually Jesters positions itself as a healthy pie shop, with organic and veggie fillings, so maybe you'd prefer the more traditional Oz and Kiwi pies, which generally advertise themselves as 'meat'. I think they put, er, meat in them.

Justin Brown said...

I'd like to re-state, for the record, that I'm really only interested in organic bum-washes. That is, however, a good looking bottle and would not look out of place between the KY and bevel edged glass tube, on my bedside cabinet.
Very sweet of you Richard, thanks!

tony flaig bignews said...

As you've described it sounds like shite

Give me a brown meat pie anyday with proper non-organic mechanically recovered meat some chips pickled onions lashings of ketchup and maybe a couple of battered sausages whilst your at it, an a pea fritter

At this point your probably dribbling at the very thought of proper grab "haute cuisine" (available from Petes Fish Factory and all good chip shops) whilst pining for a spot of decent weather (cold damp miserable) and cursing your decision and time taken checking Expedia, Opodo, and every other travel website to save the last few quid on cheapest economy ticket available with some airline you've never heard of, marooned in bloody paradise till god knows when, If only you had gone for the more expensive unrestricted ticket you could have nipped down to the airport got on the first flight to back to civilization today.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Is that snow on your head Tony, or a severe case of dandruff brought on by a poor diet?

You'll be glad to hear that fried food is also popular in these parts, so if you're ever down under make sure you try dim sims and potato cakes.