Sunday, January 07, 2007

Ile de Thanet - The Idiot's Guide

22 January 2006

So many of my London friends seem to mistakenly believe I have moved to Margate that I am now obliged to publish a short guide to the Ile de Thanet.

Travelling in a clockwise direction around the coast of the Ile from north to south, one encounters, in order:

Birchington - small seaside village with many clifftop residences for the 80s and over.
Westgate - as above but with even more chemists selling incontinence pants.
Margate - home of Tracey and future home of Anthea Turner Centre. Was once a thriving seaside resort until the pier blew down and most of the amusement arcades were torched by teenagers in tracksuits. Dreamland amusement park currently a nightmare.
Cliftonville - mostly torched.
Kingsgate - Some very posh residences, mostly owned by people who have profited from paying teenagers in tracksuits to torch amusement arcades, then claiming on the insurance.
Broadstairs - Charles Dickens apparently wrote some books here. Every year they have a festival devoted to him, and another devoted to wizened old men in beards drinking real ale and singing 'All Around My Hat' through their noses.
Ramsgate - the new millionaires' playground with high speed train links to London, a harbour and marina, frequent ferry service to the continent, and an international airport.
Pegwell - bit of a dump.

In the middle of the Ile, surrounded by fields of fart bushes, sits the brand new, £100m Westwood Cross shopping centre (see previous posts).


J.G.Burns said...

One of the above could be considered as cyberlibel,
'singing through their noses'?
more like out of their arse!

The Angina Monologues said...

Speaking as a former lawman I'm not sure ECR could be prosecuted as he has libelled virtually the entire island. Unless the citizens of Thanet wanted to bring a class action. If so, count me in for a couple of quid.

George Spiggott said...

Don't forget Cliffsend, bungaloid city, which will get washed away once sea levels rise.

stanley moon said...

Arsend more like.

Anonymous said...

I am heartily sick of your constant scatological references - incontinenece is not funny - perhaps one day you will be afflicted and have some sympathy. I think your fixation with matters pertaining to bottoms must surely mean that you have many more things in common with kenny everett than you let on. I think you would do well to return to London where mischief making and furtive fondling is common

Anonymous said...

Given your desire to wish illness upon people anonymous 8.32, you are probably in need of more robust medical intervention than mere incontinence pants. Tell me, are you one of those people who thought Kenny Everett got his just desserts when he died of AIDS?

Eastcliff Richard said...

Calm down chaps. Good lord, it's only a blog. It's not like it's coming our of your taxes or anything. Plus you get to say whatever you want. No moderation here.

Hmm, I wonder if there are any MBEs going for services to blogging? Or maybe a sainthood would be in order?

Anonymous said...

Ramsgate for the continent, Cliffsend for the incontinent?

Anonymouse said...

Not so much a Michelin guide more a more a Mitchell Twins tour. But nothing can disguise your undoubted affection for le Ile and I applaud your true intention to keep the London hoy poloy away. Nice touch not mentioning the seven beautiful sandy bays and the wonderful friendly (for the most part) people.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Aha - someone gets it! Hurray! You're right, Thanet is beautiful, let's keep it that way! Oh, no, hang on, that can't be right. I don't believe I just said that.