Friday, March 01, 2013

Headless Chickens Coming Home To Roost?

Holy brown envelopes! Today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder reports that PC Plod is carrying out a wider investigation into corruption at Thanet Duffer Council in the wake of former Tory leader Sandy 'Shagpile' Beach's public misconduct trial!

The woodentops are said to be particularly interested in the 'property deals and personal interests of politicians and public servants, past and present.' Crikey! That should get them quaking in their Gucci boots and revving up the old Land Rover V8s ready for that long overdue trip to Malaga! Talk about brarn envelopes! More like brarn trousers!!???!!!!!??! (Geddit?!!!?!???!!!)

And given yours truly's extensive and, er, insightful coverage of Fannit events during the years under investigation, it's only natural that Inspector Knacker should come knocking on my door for the inside goss. Of course, I have been more than happy to accommodate him. If you have any juicy tips, just email me at the address on the right and I'll pass them on.

Meanwhile I see the great and good have been lining up to vouch for Our Sandy at Maidstone Crown Court, where the jury is still deliberating after two days. (I hear the jury room at Maidstone is well heated, and the tea and biscuits exceptional.) Norf Fannit MP Sir Roger Wind, local booze emporium magnate Sir Frank Thorley, and high-flying, chopper-loving, China Gateway-developing Sir Ken Wills have all stepped up to the plate to testify what a stout-hearted and honest fellow the former Tory leader, famed for his petition tossing at the Margate branch of Edinburgh Woollen Mill and portrayal of the Mayor of Margate as a 'fucking tosser' at a black tie do, is.

Carpet shop proprietor and ex-boxer Sandy denies the charges of misconduct relating to property deals in Margate's Old Town. M'lud.

Which reminds me, where did I put that Tesco bag?!?!???

Update (12:52 Friday 1 March): Sandy and his co-accused Phillip Emanuel have both been found bang to rights! Hurrah!

9 comments:

Michael Child said...

The jury have just returned a verdict of guilty on all counts, so I guess there will be a few feathers ruffled

Tim Clark said...

Glad to see you back. You've been sorely missed. The area needs someone who Moores is apprehensive about.

manofkent said...

I guess all those leading local citizens that gave glowing references in court have all been fooled as well.
Congrates to the council officer who stood his ground on this matter.

derick97 said...

Glad you back for such great news

Richard Eastcliff said...

Me too! It's like a homecoming dream come true! Er....

Anonymous said...

Great to see you back. Glad you also remember the infamous Tesco bag. Hopefully, Kent's finest will now go back and have another rummage.

Anonymous said...

Having been a witness to the `Edinburgh Woollen Mill incident', I'm glad Ezekiel has gone down. Chances are if he behaves himself he could be out for next hogmanay. Good to have you back Eastcliff too- and at such an important time.

Anonymous said...

Who will be standing in his ward as he will have to resign now.

Shinguard said...

Yes, good to have you back ER

You can't beat the fresh air of Thanet!