Dame Tracey Of Margate

Did anyone else catch Our Lady of the Soiled Bedsheet chatting to the dreadful Pierce d'Organ last night? Yes, that's right, Tracey Emin, formerly of this manor. Well, in my humble opinion the woman should be immediately elevated to the peerage, if not sainthood.

Why? Because she's such a role model for Thanet kids, that's why. Forget the old Daily Mail 'Is it art?' cobblers. As one commentator put it, she could have ended up working in a pie shop. Not that there's anything wrong with working in a pie shop, but it doesn't demonstrate much aspiration or ambition, does it? Yet here's a woman who's now worth millions, famous throughout the world, and all because she decided to get up and do something with her life. Last night's docco should surely be made compulsory viewing in every school on the island!

I have to admit a tear almost formed in the old glass eye as she charmed the pants off d'Organ with her rather odd combination of Margate and Mayfair vowels. She's got her knockers, but she's also got balls and spunk. I for one would be only too happy to treat her to tea at the Walpole next time she's down this way! (Tel: 01843 587001).

Click here to watch The Dark Side of Fame with Some Old Hack: Tracey Emin (until 6 October)

Emin: Soiled but not stirred

Tragedy

A reader writes:

Bad news. There was a suicide last night in St Augustines Road, next to the old motor museum. A woman jumped out of the window of flats in the big old regency building which also holds the language school. Apparently she tried it on Saturday, threatening to jump off the cliff near the Motor Museum, but staff at the Churchill Pub stopped her. She was sectioned, was released yesterday, and jumped to her death last night. Tragic.

How many suicides, or attempted suicides have we had on the island recently? Way beyond the national average methinks.

Update: More details now running on Thanet Extra. Click here to read.

Ramsgate Culture Goes West Via The North

Off island reader Veronica writes:

So sad to read that the museums are due to be closed. Is the UK's history no longer of interest? What is wrong with the local government there, have they no idea how to raise funds to keep important places open?

I think the key words there, Veronica, are 'no' and 'idea'. Let's take the Millionaires' Playground as an example. Wikipedia can only manage two lines on Ramsgate under the heading 'Arts and Media':

The Gallery IOTA (Isle Of Thanet Arts) is based on the towns west cliff. Ramsgate Maritime Museum near the harbour quayside has exhibits showing the evolution of Ramsgate Harbour and East Kent maritime history. Ramsgate's sole cinema and theatre is the Granville Cinema, situated on Victoria Parade, in the town's Eastcliff area.

Hmmm. Now, can anyone spot the deliberate errors? Yes, that's right, IOTA skedaddled almost two years ago and are now based on Margate Pier/Harbour Arm/Jetty whatever it's called these days (where they're currently exhibiting the wondrous works of Baldwin and Bushell). Ramsgate Maritime Museum is about to close so that it can be flogged off to developers by the nuff-nuffs at the council. That leaves the Granville Theatre and Cinem who try their hardest, poor loves, but, really, I think most people would struggle to describe a rolling programme of 'psychic nights' and amdram productions as 'culture'. I guess our library, oops, sorry, 'gateway', which got toasted in 2004 is currently being rebuilt, but there's no sign yet of when it's going to re-open.

Still, there's no point feigning surprise that Ramsgate's culture has disappeared or gone 'oop north'. It's all in the Politburo's 5 year plan, which they published last year, and which can be summarised thus:

Margate - Turner Centre, arts and culture
Ramsgate - Port and flight path
Broadstairs - Don't for gawd sake touch this as most of us live there and we like it the way it is
The Rest - Concrete.

Rumour, Fact Or Fiction?

I say! There seems to be more than a whiff of desperation creeping into the pro-China Gateway campaign! Perhaps they've only just woken up to the news that not everyone on our dinky little island is prepared to roll over and have their tummies tickled every time someone makes another empty promise of jobs.

Some of you will no doubt remember '10,000 New Jobs!' being trumpeted on the front page of the Gazunder way back when the airport was sold off. I'd be surprised if, almost a decade later, the number of actual jobs created has even reached three figures.

It speaks volumes that the pro-Gateway lobby are now coming up with those time-honoured tactics of last resort - casting doubt on the veracity of those who would protest. A letter in this week's Gazunder accuses protesters of 'factless verbal diarrhoea', closely followed a few pages later by Our Glorious Council Leader banging on about 'the fiction that is being put out concerning the China Gateway Project'.

Well Sandy, just what are the facts? In particular, I'd like to know more about the facts pertaining to your trip to China last November. Did you know the developers, CGP, were fronting up all your expenses? If you did, how can we believe a word you say about China Gateway if you're in their pockets? If you didn't, doesn't that demonstrate a stupendous level of ignorance? And if you can be that ignorant, how can we trust you to know what you're talking about now?

In case, dear reader, you didn't catch it, I'm reproducing below the recent article in Private Eye, which sets out the contents of the 'Tesco bag' documents in more detail than has so far appeared on any Thanet blog. It's worth reading to remind ourselves of just what we are dealing with here.

And let us not forget that the Eye is a national publication, not a blog. They have an unsurpassed reputation for breaking stories ahead of the wider press. This article has not, as far as I am aware, attracted any libel suits for 'defamation', 'fiction', or 'verbal diarrhoea'. Nor has it even provoked a stiff letter of denial from Our Sandy, or any other member of Thanet Council come to that.


HAO DO YOU DO?

Inspector Knacker is looking into a bag of documents which may shed light on why Tory dominated Thanet Council is so keen to plonk a 3.5m square foot Chinese business park on a greenfield site above the area’s aquifer.

Kent Police’s Serious and Organised Crime Unit was handed the bag after it was sent anonymously to a local blogger. The contents related to a council ‘fact finding’ trip to China last November and had evidently come from the offices of Commercial Group Properties (CGP), the AIM-listed outfit proposing the controversial China Gateway development in conjunction with the Chinese government’s outward investment arm Chinamex.

At the time the council assured locals the trip was organised and funded by Beijing, not CGP. PC Plod may reach a different conclusion. For example, a copy of a CGP email confirming room reservations in Hong Kong shows them booked on a CGP employee’s credit card. Another document, evidently minutes of a CGP board meeting, states: ‘By travelling with members of the council and paying their expenses the Company could be accused of trying to obtain planning consent in respect of its various projects by unfair means.’ Hmm, good point. But this is answered in the very next sentence: ‘KW (CGP boss Ken Wills) confirmed that every consideration and action was being taken so that this impression was not given’, with the handwritten addendum ‘,and reimbursement by Chinamex should be forthcoming’.

There’s more. A scrawled note of thanks to Chinamex chief Chairman Hao transforms miraculously into a formal letter on council headed paper from leader Sandy Ezekiel, closely followed by a quote from Ezekiel’s shagpile emporium for carpeting CGP’s offices ‘at a discount of 20%’. Another handwritten note, ostensibly to council Chief Executive Richard Samuel, reads: ‘Upon reviewing your hotel bills for the trip to China I would like to thank you and your three colleagues for keeping the expenditure down to a minimum by, for instance, not using the in-room minibar.’ It continues: ‘If you or your colleagues have any bills for out of pocket expenses please could you forward them to me for dealing with immediately.’

Surely pure coincidence, then, that CGP, which is proposing a similar scheme in Wigan, and which wants Thanet Council to erect signs on its borders saying ‘Welcome to Thanet – Home of Chinese Globalisation’, has dropped its plans to drain foul water into cesspits since these documents came to light, and declared itself in favour of the Environment Agency’s recommendation that it spend £600,000 on mains sewers to prevent contamination of Thanet’s drinking water. Even stranger, Thanet’s planning committee mislaid its customary rubber stamp last week and narrowly voted to defer the decision to a full meeting of the council.

Street Cleaners Take A/The P*ss

Regular reader Kate writes:

A couple of weeks ago my mother and I spotted one of our TDC street cleaners in the shared communal alleyway opposite our place. Originally I thought he was clearing away some of the left over rubbish. But he did not, he unzipped his fly and pee'd.

He then made a great pretence of looking to collect rubbish and walked off. We had noted in the past he had some unusual habits like drinking leftover bottles of alcoholic liquid.

Anyway we did nothing and thought best to let it pass. Then earlier this week we passed a communal courtyard again to a block of flats. There was a dust-cart/trolley all on it's own, with a different road sweeper peeing up against the wall beneath one of the windows of the flat. This time mum told him that it was not acceptable, and he grumbled off saying: 'I don't bloody care'.

We phoned the TDC customer relations line to speak to the head of the waste disposal team, who had his voicemail on, so mum left a message. We waited all day for a return of our call. The very next day the original offender was back in the alleyway and we saw him yet again unzip and pee.

So in light of it all, you may have rubbish in your street, but at least your operatives aren't adding to it!

No Hacking Cough But Hacks Hacked Off

Whilst the Kent Messenger is shedding 10% of its workforce, plans are afoot at Gazunder owners Northcliffe Media to ensure their hacks will be the only ones left to report it when the end of the world finally arrives.

The Daily Mail owned group is offering all 17,000 employees free doses of the anti bird flu drug Tamiflu at a cost of £850,000, according to journo website Hold The Front Page. Ken Thompson, the group's Employment Director, has written to staff saying scientists believed a flu pandemic was 'inevitable' and would lead to 'significant and sustained disruption to our businesses'. He continues: 'The development of a vaccine to treat a pandemic virus cannot begin until there is an outbreak of the emerging strain. A vaccine would therefore not be available to the general population for six months after the start of the pandemic. Antiviral drugs such as Tamiflu provide an alternative to vaccines but will not provide immunity to influenza. They limit its effects and increase the chances of survival.'

Mr Thompson added that the UK government has been stockpiling Tamiflu but they only have sufficient supply to cover 25% of the population which includes all essential workers. He said the Daily Mail recognised the importance of its talented people and that it had taken the action in an attempt to protect all its employees from the threat of pandemic influenza. Workers' close friends and families will also be offered the drug.

How comforting to know that, come the pandemic, a small group of Daily Mail and Gazunder hacks will survive to re-populate Thanet and the rest of the UK!

Meanwhile I hear that not all the bunnies at Gazunder Towers are happy ones. With lovely editrix Rebecca Smith on six months maternity leave, her stand-in has not exactly been winning friends and influencing people, according to word reaching the old Eastcliff shell-like. The paper is already advertising for a news editor, and other scribblers are said to have the collywobbles following a vicious rumour that's spreading like bird flu that Rebecca is planning to make her absence permanent. However, I have it from a number of horses proverbials that as soon as her six months is up, the newsroom will again be resounding to the joy of Bex!

A Statement From Mr Richard Eastcliff

For years I've been banging on about the parlous state of our island nation. The time for banging has now ended, and the time for action has begun. Egged on by my small but influential band of supporters, I've been persuaded to stand up and have my votes counted.

As of today, I will be out on the streets campaigning for my new party, Eastcliff Richard First. My aim will be to represent myself at both the local and national level, with a view to earning a terrific salary and shed loads of expenses your trust and support. Organising and funding a new party will not be easy. This is not a job for a novice. Which is why I have entrusted the important job of Treasurer to my long-standing associate and accountant, Cyril.

If you believe in a fair society, a society that treats all millionaires as equals, I urge you to rally to my cause. Please send your donations to:

Eastcliff Richard First
PO Box 99
Dutch Antilles

Please make cheques payable to Campaign And Support Holdings or C.A.S.H. (Please note: minimum donation from local developers £25,000).

Councillor Ken Calls For KM Boycott

As those of you who've been following the debate raging in the comments section of the post below will already know, Councillor Ken Gregory, Blue Rinser of this parish and Head Honcho of Planning, has called for a boycott of Kent Messenger Group publications following the redundancy plans they announced recently. KG writes:

A friend of mine is being made redundant after 27 years. The level of his redundancy is abysimal. I would urge you all to stop supporting any KM company.

Now, while any redundancies are clearly a very sad and traumatic affair for those concerned, should one of our elected finest really be calling for action that would undoubtedly put a further 500+ jobs in Kent on the line because one of his chums has got the bullet? I'm sure you've got an opinion!

Don't Shoot The Messenger

Holy financial black holes! I see the Kent Messenger Group is to slash around a tenth of its workforce, blaming a 25-30% drop in its advertising revenue. The family owned business publishes Thanet Extra hereabouts, a weekly freesheet which I get to see, ooh, about once or twice a year due to a rather erratic delivery set-up on the south side. When I have seen it I've been rather impressed, I must say. Now KM Group are closing six of their smaller offices and 'restructuring' their editorial operation, saying adios to 61 employees.

The news must also cast a shadow over our very own Isle of Thanet Gazunder and newcomer yourfannitinnit. Which is a pity since, no matter what you think of them, by having such a healthy crop of local newspapers, the stories they don't want you to hear usually manage to seep out over time.

Oh well, let's hope the generous, milky nipple of public sector advertising in these parts supplies them with enough sustenance to carry on. Except, of course, even greater reliance on the aforementioned public sector nipple will lessen the chances of anything juicy seeping out as they'll be reluctant to bite the teat that feeds them. Er, I think I've taken that metaphor as far as it will go now.

Click here to read Kent Messenger story on BBC News website

Update: It seems that Thanet Extra will be saved for the nation for now. According to the Kent Messenger website, offices under consideration for the axe are Dover, Faversham, Sittingbourne and Tunbridge Wells, along with radio studios in Maidstone and Tonbridge. Click here to read more.

G'Day Mate!

As if the Millionaires' Playground didn't already have a full complement of media celebrities (me), my spies report that chisel-jawed Aussie presenter Aaron Heslehurst has just relocated to Ramsgate. Aaron can be seen in the early hours on BBC World talking (in Strine of course) about suity stuff.

We'll soon be positively awash with Antipododians and creative types at this rate. And with RAF London Kent Ramsgate Manston International Airport in, er, terminal decline (geddit?!?!!), and coming under even more pressure from the Mayor of London's proposed new Boris Island, there's half a chance they might find it pleasant enough to stay here for a bit!

Ask The Experts

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week we ask the experts the questions that count on the burning issues of the day! This week P G Tipps, Thanet Council's Head of Cultural and Administrative Affairs, is in the hot seat!

Q: With the announcement that local museums are to close, you've been accused of lacking a vision for the island. How do you counter that?

A: Aaaa-aa-aaaa eee-ee-eeeeee-e-ee ooo-ooo aaa-aaa aaaaaaa ooo-oo-oooooo.

Q: That may be the case, but you also recently announced that the promised revamp of the island's swimming pools would be put on hold. Doesn't that demonstrate the council has got its priorities wrong?

A: Eeeeeeee-EEEEE EEE-EEEE ooooooo-ooo aaaaaa-aaa-aaaa-AAAAA-AAAA oo-oo-oo aa-aa!

Q: If I could put it another way. Many of Thanet's former leisure and cultural facilities have been allowed to rot by your administration and then sold off to developers literally for peanuts. Is that a prudent use of resource?

A: EEE-EE-EEE AA-AA-AAA EE-EE OO-OOOO-OOO AA-AA OO-OO EE-EE-EEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Exits left waving a banana

Let's Go Fly A Kite

Don't forget it's the Big Sky Kite Festival over in the Arsonist's Playground this weekend. Last year it was held at Palm Bay, but this year it's shifted to Margate beach so in theory there should be a lot more to do other than watch kites oh who am I kidding? Unfortunately there's not a lot of wind about at the moment. At least not here on the south side, unless you count the hot air emanating from a certain cliff top mansion on the East Cliff.

Any-old-how, you could top the weekend off by catching Chas'n'Dave in concert at the Mike and Bernie Winter Gardens tomorrow night. Sorted!

Click here for more details of kite festival
Click here for details of Chas'n'Dave concert

Grubby Thoughts

During my assignation with one of our lovely local authors earlier this week, the discussion turned to the woeful lack of fine dining hereabouts. Of course, it would be great if the island's papers carried restaurant reviews. But you could be certain that the first mention of a dodgy prawn at a Thorley establishment would see their advertising revenue going down the gurgler along with everything else. So that's out of the question.

There are some excellent eateries - the Indian Princess in Margate springs to mind, or the relatively recent Age and Sons in Charlotte Court here in the Millionaires' Playground. But how do you tell the perfectly matured fillet of beef from the Turkey Twizzler if you've never been before?

That's why, as a service to my fellow Thanetian gourmets, I'm offering you the chance to put your restaurant reviews here on the island's premier blog. And if you can give the place a knife and fork rating out of five, I can begin to build the ECR Guide To Good Food In Thanet. So, whether it be a simple pub meal, a great curry, perfect fish and chips, or the dining experience to die for (from E. Coli or not as the case may be), send your reviews to richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

Museums Are History

Yikes! I see from caff-crushing car-crushing councillor Dave Green's blog that our lovely Maritime Museum is finally to close, along with Margate Museum. The move follows almost a year of wrangling after the withdrawal of £100,000 in grants from Thanet Council, and the failure of East Kent Maritime Trust, which runs the museums, to deliver any accounts for the past three years.

Apparently the Ramsgate museum will be vacated imminently. Rumour is it may become a fish restaurant. However, EKMT have another seven years of their lease to run over in Margate. What will happen to the exhibits and Thanet archives is currently uncertain, but one reader writes:

I suspect that a fire sale of TDC owned paintings etc or possibly an auction will shortly be forthcoming. No doubt an officer of TDC will be given this erroneous duty and he/she will no doubt be the nation's expert on this matter. As for me, this is my field of expertise and I have informed TDC/EKMT I want all my possessions on loan/gifted, back...Tout de suite.

Click here to read more on Councillor Green's blog

Update: I've now managed to get hold of the full statement from EKMT, which includes a quote from Deputy Rodge, the council's 'Culture and Economy' member. Click on the image to enlarge.

TDC's Dirty Secret

Perusing the entries on the excellent Fix My Street website, I notice the number of complaints about street cleaning in Thanet has rocketed. Why? Because without so much as a 'by your leave' the Uranians have quietly implemented a new cleansing policy.

If you've noticed that the sweepy-uppy chap hasn't been down your way for weeks, that you're having to wade knee-deep in filth just to toddle down to the local shop, or that lawns are growing where once your kerbs were, it's because residential roads are now only swept on an irregular basis, usually at the point where someone complains that they can't back their car out of the drive due to the drift of empty tin cans, cigarette ends, barkers' nests, dirty nappies and pizza boxes that has blocked them in.

TDC now only applies its daily or weekly efforts to town centres and sea fronts. Although you won't have read about it, confirmation came at the recent Margate traders meeting with the council, who responded to complaints about the state of the town centre streets with the announcement that they now 'pull people in from other areas'. Of course, we want our public spaces to look tidy and well cared for, but surely not at the expense of the residential roads that feed into them? And when it rains, the muck presumably just washes down the nearest drain and clogs it up? All that from the people who promise on their website: 'Thanet District Council is committed to improving the look, cleanliness, vitality and safety of the the local environment.' Kuh!

Concrete Evidence

Hearty congratulations to all of you who jumped on my latest 7 day poll asking whether you'd prefer a council with a larger set of cajones when it comes to fronting out developers who develop out the Ile's front, back and sides. A whopping 53 people cast their votes, here's the final tally:

Question: What's the way forward for Fannit?

Developers? No thanks!: 13% (7 votes)
Concrete is my friend!: 9% (5 votes)
More discretion by a stronger council: 77% (41 votes)

An overwhelming majority in favour of our beloved council showing more red cards and fewer green lights. Not that I expect them to take much notice. It seems you only have to give them a bag of toffees these days and they'll re-designate your agricultural land for industrial use before you can say 'JOBS!'.

Margate Traders Up In Arms 2

One of my spies has sent me the following full account of last night's meeting between traders in the Arsonists' Playground and Thanet Council:

TDC fronted up their chief executive, chief financial officer, cleansing and planning people for this meeting. Sandy was also there, making sure everyone towed the party line. Steve Ladyman also attended, but Roger Gale was noticeable by his absence.

First up there was a lot of talk about the credit crunch, then a load of stuff about street cleaning in Cliftonville, which seemed irrelevant. Then it was on to the big issues but by then most people had already been bored into a stupor. Arlington House is apparently out of their control, but they are considering boarding up the car park (what a welcome for visitors!). Dreamland is also out of their control, but they seemed pleased to have 'secured' the Scenic with the new fencing.

There is apparently no way they can now develop the M&S building, which currently houses Turner Contemporary, due to the economic climate. They do, however, appear to be cock-a-hoop at the 19,000 visitors the TC has brought in this year (most of whom have been bussed down from other parts of Kent on free trips). They may develop the upper levels of the M&S building but I happen to know they are in a very poor state.

Construction of the new Turner Centre is out to tender, there seemed to be some confusion as to when building would start with council officers saying four weeks, and Sandy saying 'before Christmas'. Again the credit crunch means the full development planned for the Rendezvous site will not be possible but they will go ahead with the hotel. Which won't go down too well with other hoteliers in the area. And anyway, wasn't there a hotel there in the first place, before they knocked it down for the Turner development?

Worst of all was an announcement that they will be trialling pedestrianisation in the Lower High Street for 18 months. This seems to have been as a result of an aggressively run petition by Kaylene Health Foods recently, who have subsequently pissed off to Cliftonville! Questions about why there couldn't be a consultation first were just brushed aside. None of the traders seem to actually want this - six months of roadworks earlier this year with no through traffic was enough to kill off most of them. I suspect it's a cynical move to get the rest to relocate, so the Lower High Street can become Luxury Apartmentsville!

Iris was there, of course, and had her Watt Tyler moment when she thought the whole thing was drawing to a close!

Margate Traders Up In Arms

Last night's meeting between Margate traders and the council appears to have turned into a right old bunfight, with 70 retailers complaining that business had gone down the gurgler.

Cafe owner Pauline Dunhill said some 'appallingly damaging decisions' had been taken in the past and that Westwood Chaos 'should never have been allowed', adding that Dreamland 'shouldn't have closed'.

I hope to bring you an eyewitness report soon, but in the meantime you can read more on the BBC News website here.

The Writing's On The Window For Council

Tooling around the grubby back streets here in the Millionaires' Playground last night, on my way to an assignation with one of our lovely local authors, I spotted this notice in the window of a derelict shop:

Further along, I happened to glance over the cliff at the Pleasurama aka Royal Sands development:

Pants definitely pulled down, but not much rogering going on!

More Trouble On T'Cliff

Reader Kevin writes:

Late yesterday afternoon I thought I’d take a walk along the front between Westgate and Birchington as I don’t get up there much, and I fancied seeing how the rich live.

Lots of police there - three cars and a van, paramedics and an ambulance. The promenade below the cliffs was closed off and they were telling people not to go down there. I saw an ambulance leaving the lower promenade at high speed (lights and all). I would guess it was either a jumper, or an accidental fall.

Maybe one of the Birchington toffs got bad news on his Lehman Brothers shares?

This is the second report of a cliff top incident in the past few days. I wonder whether, in the interests of health and safety, the council will eventually be forced to sand down our cliffs into gentle slopes?