Expenses

Sitting here diddling filling out my expenses for Smell the Profit, I thought I'd see if I could pick up any tips from my local MPs. As you probably know, our democratic representatives' claims were published online today, but with all the juicy bits censored.

Now, this is not meant in any way to be a slur on Dr Ladyman or Sir Roger, both of whom are generally regarded as good constituency MPs. Yes, Roger does have some bonkers idea about building a train station at Manston to serve fewer than 12,000 passengers a year. And then there was that iffy £25K donation from the China Gateway people to Ladychap's South Thanet Labour lot. But nobody's perfect (present company excepted).

A quick trawl through the Gale books elicited piles of bills for BT, Vodafone, postage, food... all the usual stuff really. I'm not sure I'd be able to get away with fitted bedroom wardrobes, though, or nearly £3,000 for a website. Let alone £300 for the annual use of Birchington Methodist Church's car park and £60 for advertising in the local parish magazine. And £340 for a bust dunnie. Still, it's my £137,337 and he can do what he likes with it I suppose.

Moving on to Our Steve, he frequently tells us he publishes his expenses on his website, although I'm buggered if I could find them there earlier. His 2007-8 claims also cover the normal-for-an-MP costs like, er, mortgage, utilities, council tax, insurance and publicity, including £300 for a half page appearance in Ramsgate FC's footie programmes. Indeed, he seems to have spent a remarkably similar amount to Roger - £137,559. If I was a cynical sort, I might even imagine these MP chaps were putting in claims based on some kind of mythical annual 'allowance' rather than actual expenditure. A monthly claim for precisely 250 quidsworth of petty cash from Steve does nothing to dispel that notion.

Hmm. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to stiff the Polish Cheese Board with any of that lot. But then the old Eastcliff fridge is currently stocked to the rafters with Oscypek so there's always a silver, if somewhat whiffy, lining!

Roger's expenses
Steve's expenses

Blowing A Gale

Not a reference to the blustery nature of this evening's weather and the tidal surge that's expected to storm down the east coast of England overnight, but rather the unholy row that's been rumbling on over on One Voice in Thanet's blog.

One Voice made the, er, mistake of criticising the £134,308 worth of expenses that Sir Roger Wind, Tory MP for Thanet (Arsonists) clocked up last year, some of which went on employing Lady Rodge as his secretary.

Now let me make myself clear. It's far too late at night, and I'm far too sozzled, to wade into an argument which has so far generated 62 comments on OVIT's site. Except to say, of course, that I'm thoroughly jealous of all the attention. I will only add that Sir Rodgerem is a national Thanetian treasure, who has presided over more than 12 decades of year-on-year growth in his constituency. One has only to look at Margate, jewel in the Thanet crown, to understand the tireless work he has put into his constituency, and the fact that his dog has now won an award only goes to prove that he has the wellbeing of all, er, dogs at the centre of his warm, generous and munificent heart. We shall never see his like again (He's not actually dead - Ed.).

Pass the Krug, Elton!

No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

Unless you're an MP that is. Then everything goes down on expenses, and today Parliament published its annual table of who claimed what and why. So, how did our local dynamic duo, Sir Roger Wind (Con.) and Dr Steve Ladyboy (Lab.) fare?

Well, Sir Rodge managed to clock up a whopping £134,308 in total, including £26,253 on 'office running costs', £80,497 on 'staffing costs' and £9,197 on 'staying away from main home' (hotels to you and me). He spent £4,901 on car travel, but a mere £187 on travelling on the rattlers.

Meanwhile, Dr. Steve claimed a relatively measly £129,436. Mind you, he spent considerably more on hotels (£21,549), and quite a bit more on the train (£945), but still had a sizeable petrol habit (£4,763).

I expect most people on the Ile will think these expenses pretty profligate, but I should point out that both MPs came in below the average of £135,600. And let's face it, the poor loves need a bit of extra folding. After all, it beats me how anyone could eak out a living on a basic annual salary of £59,686!

Download your copy of 'Members' Allowances' here and weep