Enormous Groyne Spotted On Ramsgate Beach

Well, I was wearing some pretty revealing shorts down there earlier!

No, seriously, I've never noticed this structure stretching out from the centre of our lovely Ramsgate Sands before. Anyone know what it is? (Apols for the grimy pic - click it to big it). I suppose it could just be seaweed from Margate harbour, dumped by The Duffers, who seem hellbent on superduperising the grimy north of the island at the expense of the splendid south.

By the way, it's nice to see the new lights illuminating the excellent Royal Harbour Brasserie at the end of the pier. Oh, and I didn't get the Louis Walsh job, if anyone was interested.

Airport Ditches Night Flights Ban

Lorks! Having now waded through the 32 pages of illiterate claptrap which masquerades as RAF London Kent Manston etc etc's submission to HMG's review of airport capacity, I can bring you this little gem:

Manston is already a licensed airfield with currently has [sic] no night-time restrictions

The submission was produced by Cheerful Charlie Buchanan, the airport's head honcho. Obvious typo aside (one of many), Chuckles seems to have forgotten the agreement that does currently exist, banning flights between 11pm and 7am. Oh, but of course, that's not enforceable. And despite assurances from the current Labour lot at Thanet Duffer Central that they would uphold the 'ban', they've already caved in to KLM, who fly out at 6.20 every morning.

The rest of the gobbledegook mainly bangs on about Manston becoming a 'reliever airport'. Presumably that entails flying planeloads of hookers over from Amsterdam to, er, relieve those ageing, predominantly UKIP-supporting, Thanetians whose arthritic joints have long robbed them of the capacity to do it themselves. Well, no, actually, in effect it means more knackered old jumbos from countries whose idea of maintenance begins and ends with superglue, knackering knackered old jumbos, and more dodgy military stuff headed for what the aforementioned UKIP supporters would describe as 'Bongo Bongo Land'.

If you can bear to wade through the entire submission, there's a link to it here.

Right, I'd better get off or I'll be late for my audition as the replacement for Louis Walsh on the X Factor. Be seeing you!

What The Fokker Was That?

Thanks to reader Steve for this pic of the KLM 737 which was circling the island for what seemed like hours late yesterday afternoon. As we know, KLM only operate Fokker 70s out of RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Maggie Thatcher Schipol International Airport on a scheduled basis every day, so the sight of a 737 doing circuits was unusual to say the least.

Then this morning the Gazunder website reported that five fire engines from around Thanet were called to 'a blaze at Manston airport' at 7.33pm last night, with reports that a KLM aircraft 'had caught fire'. However, when they got there 'crews discovered there was no incident to be dealt with'.

So what's the story? Was this flight circling to ditch fuel ahead of an emergency landing? Or did some joker ring the boys in brown after getting fed up with yet another training flight? I think we (and the CAA) should be told!!

Five Years To Spend A Penny

Nope, nothing to do with the closure of public conveniences. But, I suppose, you could characterise it as an extreme case of civic constipation.

This sorry saga relates to the inability of Kent County Council to make a minor alteration to a confusing road sign that has been responsible for causing thousands of pounds worth of damage over the last few years. I'll let reader Samantha take up the tale...

I see Kent Highways have finally altered a sign on Victoria Promenade in Ramsgate that I have been complaining about for five years now, with responses ranging from indolence and indifference, to the downright insulting. At one point I was told changing the sign was unfeasible as they would have to commission an entirely new sign at a cost of thousands of pounds! 

But miraculously, here's how the sign looked when I popped out to the shops today:

And here's how it looked during the previous five years I was complaining about it:

To the untutored eye, there's not a lot of change. But the addition of approximately a penny's worth of gaffer tape to the bottom of the arrow directing traffic to London, Canterbury, Dover etc means that lorries and coaches from out of town will no longer be turning up D'Este Road, the narrow back street which the sign is on the corner of, and that my car and those of my neighbours will no longer be subjected to regular damage when they get stuck at the T junction with Truro Road, like this:

I would say 'thank you' to KCC, but after five years of faffing around to find six inches of tape, I'm inclined not to.

Neither would I be, Samantha! Kuh!

Doctor F*cking Who?

Yipes! I see the Beeb have promoted my old acting chum Peter Capaldi to the primetime post of Time Lord! Peter is better known as the potty-mouthed political adviser Malcolm Tucker in The Thick Of It, a sort of sweary version of Yes Minister.

Thanks to my inside contacts, I've managed to snaffle the first page of the first episode that will feature the new Doctor, here it is...

INT. TARDIS - THE DOCTOR IS FIDDLING WITH THE CONTROLS

DOCTOR

What the fuck is wrong with this fucking piece of crap?

COMPANION (TBC)

Well, Doctor, it is very old.

Daleks enter from screen left.

DALEKS (ALL)

Exterminate! Exterminate!

DOCTOR

Oh do shut your fucking holes or I'll shove this sonic fucking screwdriver so far up your fucking plungers that you won't be able to extermin-fucking-ate for a week.

Cybermen enter from screen right.

CYBERMEN (ALL)

Destroy the Time Lord! Destroy the Time Lord!

DOCTOR

Fuck me! Not those fucking wankers as well!

Er, you get the picture. Meanwhile, here's an early outing for Peter Capaldi as a time traveller, in Alexei Sayle's Drunk In Time, from the mid-1990s...

And if you still haven't had enough of the Gallifreyan stuff, I can thoroughly recommend The Gay Daleks!

Council Hunks In Trunks

Yes, they're back by popular demand (one email)!!!!

Following Saturday's pic of our lovely Labour Leader curvaceous Clive Hart showing off his package, here's the full set of those Thanet Council hunks sporting their fit bods for all to see, and supporting our sizzling summer of sun here on the beautiful Ile de Thanet!!

They're so hot, they're on fire!!!!!!!! Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super Shirley Tomlinson, 20, likes a drink or twelve and wants to bring back national service!!!!!!! Well done for doing the Thanet nation a 'service', Ma'am!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Geddit?!?!?!????!!!!!?!?!??!!!!!!)

Strap-on (Shouldn't that be 'Strapping'? - Ed.) Ken Gregory, 35, loves making prank phone calls, is a keen amateur chef and says his favourite meal is a Sunday roast!!!!!!! We certainly wouldn't mind nibbling on your pork crackling, Ken!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Geddit?!?!?!????!!!!!?!?!??!!!!!!)

Dishy Doc Biggles, 28, is a former commando and high-flying jet pilot!!!!!! The brainy Doc is also into computers and has even been to Number 10 Downing Street, the home of the UK's Prime Minister!!!!!!! We'd certainly welcome your member in our cabinet, Doc!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Geddit?!?!?!????!!!!!?!?!??!!!!!!)

Red-hot Roger Latchford, 43, is a former war hero and can even boast an OBE!!!!!! UKIP-supporting Roger likes nothing more than shaking his buff booty to some bangin' tunes!!!!!!! It's an 'honour' to meet you Roger!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Geddit?!?!?!????!!!!!?!?!??!!!!!!)

Tasty Tory Sandy Ezekiel, 26, loves the island's bars and cafe culture. But it's not all fun in the sun!!!! In fact poor Sandy was done for misconduct in a public office recently, so he's sent us this photo from the showers at Wormwood Scrubs. Hope you've got someone to 'scrub' your back, Sandy!!!!!!!! (Geddit?!?!?!????!!!!!?!?!??!!!!!!)

That's enough council hunks in trunks - Ed.

Fun!

With the Boris Bikeathon set to clog up That London, what better time to stay on our septic isle and enjoy all the stuff that's going on here?

Margate's Soul Weekend culminates in tomorrow's carnival, with much of the creative stuff being produced by Ramsgatonians (natch). But I'll be here in the Millionaires' Playground, sporting my captain's hat, brass-buttoned blazer, Whitstable Oyster Rolex and deck shoes with the salty seamen on the front, enjoying some windy fun with the Old Guffers at their 50th anniversary celebrations.

There are probably a squillion other events happening that nobody even knows about!!! So whaddya waiting for? Get out and enjoy yourselves!!!!

Um, I haven't got a visual that depicts 'fun', so here's a photo of Thanet Labour Leader Clive Hart naked instead...

Bandstand Superduperised!

Hurrah! At last someone has made a clean sweep of our super-duper bandstand here on the swanky East Cliff! Thanks to reader Samantha for the pic.

I must say, it's been looking in need of a back, sack and crack for some time. Ever since it was tarted up in 2006 (click here to read my story) it's been sorely neglected by Thanet Duffer Council. Like so many of their projects, it appears to be a case of neglect it for forty years, spend a bit of dosh on it, then neglect it for another forty years. Hey-ho.

In fact it wasn't even The Duffers doing the clean-up, apparently, but some organisation called Better Beaches, the same people who were clearing up after the awful mess that was made of Margate beach over the weekend.

Hang on. It's a bandstand, not a beach! So how does that work, then?

And Away They Go...

...on the way-out, Wacky Races! (Thanks to reader Steve for the pics.)

Here come the Ant Hill Mob in the Bulletproof Bomb,

alongside Luke and Blubber Bear in the Arkansas Chuggabug...

 Next is Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat...

 Followed by Sergeant Blast and Private Meekly in the Army Surplus Special...

 And here's Penelope Pitstop again... Oh no! She's going the wrong way!

But it looks like she's catching up with the Gruesome Twosome in the Creepy Coupe...

But Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-A-Car is overtaking all of them!

With the Slag Brothers in the Bouldermobile trailing way behind!

This is Richard Dastardly, for the Ramsgate Powerboat Weekend, signing off. And heading for a cool pint of Gadds' down on the Croisette!

Ramsgate's Big Weekend

Just a reminder that this weekend we have Those Magnificent Men In Their Floating Machines racing up and down along the Ramsgate costa, thrusting their 3,000,000 horse power beauties to a potential maximum of 900mph! I gather the spectacle is mostly centered on the seedier west side of the Millionaires' Playground, based around the port. More details here.

And up on Government Acre, also on the west side, you can wallow in nostalgia with Thanet At War, an exhibition of military vehicles and other 1940s stuff. Entry to that is a paltry two knicker. I must say, I went last year and the tea and buns were rather good!

So forget grooving to the tunes of Plan B and Jessie J over at the Sound Island Festival in Quex Park, come to, er, stormy Ramsgate and thrill instead to the sound of V8 engines and Vera Lynn!

Update: It seems that no actual powerboat racing took place on Saturday, due to a rather gloomy mist that has descended on the Millionaires' Playground. Oh well, that's Blighty for you. You pays your money, then the fog takes it away!

Update update: My spies tell me that there will be racing today (Sunday) as the weather's much improved. It should all kick off around 3pm. Hurrah!

Twot

Flamin' Nora! It's way too sticky to be crafting my usual finely-honed prose! So here's a link to the Isle of Thanet Gazunder website. It's all there, you won't even have to cough up 70p. The only downside is that you can't line the cat's litter tray with your laptop once you've read it.

Right, I'm off for a cooler. You lot can talk amongst yourselves - you seem to be quite good at that!

Inn-comprehensible Plans

The Pleasurama drama rumbles on, with another public meeting slated for this Thursday. So I thought I'd step back a decade or so and look at the original plans that were submitted to our lovely council, when Whitbread were alleged to be involved in the scheme.

Actually, it's not the drawing of the building that I'm interested in. As you can see, local estate agent and, er, pillar of the community Terry Painter submitted the plans, and next to his logo is the slogan 'enjoy!Whitbread'. That's a rebranding that Whitbread went through in September 2001, when they stopped brewing beer and became more interested in brewing lattes, running restaurants and owning hotels.

Trouble is, no-one at Whitbread seems to have known they were involved in the scheme, as this email from the time suggests:

According to LinkedIn, Jamie Cowen is a real person, and has subsequently moved on to become Head of Mixed Use Development at Sainsbury's Property Investments.

So on what basis did Thanet Council consider these so-called plans from 'Whitbread'? Was any due diligence performed? Did they bother to ask Whitbread if they were actually involved? Or was it all accepted on the basis of Tiny Terry's say-so and a photocopied logo? I, for one, would find that nothing short of inn-credible!

Meanwhile here's how the Pleasurama (aka Royal Sands, aka Titanic) development looks today, more than ten years on:

Superjumbo Lumbers Into Manston

Just a taster there of what we can expect this summer over Ramsgate. Yes, fellow millionaires, it's the brand new, just-out-of-the-box, British Airways Airbus A380 that's going to be doing training circuits over the town every day except Sundays for the next few weeks! (Thanks to reader Samantha for the vid.)

To be fair (Why? - Ed.) it's supposed to be ever so environmentally friendly. And I've been assured that the Rolls-Royce engines only explode every now and then, which is a great comfort.

Once that's gone, we've got the new BA Boeing 787 Dreamliners to look forward to. They only burst into flames about, ooh let me see, once a week.

Still, it'll give the planespotters something to jiggle their joysticks to, I suppose!

Update: Reader Steve writes 'Here are a few more shots of the A380 circuiting over the Channel this afternoon. I'm afraid they're a bit grainy, they were taken on a long lens from Ramsgate. Enjoy!'

Enjoy? What am I now, bloody planespotters' corner? Kuh!

BA A380 dive bombs fart farm

BA A380 dive bombs Deal

BA A380 dive bombs some clouds

BA A380 being followed by a little red thing

Er, not sure that's a plane - Ed.

Drama In Westbrook Bay

With the Ile de Thanet's lovely beaches rammed over the last couple of super-sunny days, it was inevitable that at least one joker would try and drive his speedboat into the sea on a rising tide and proceed to get bogged in the sand. This weekend was no exception.

Reader Sean sent me this photo from the north side of the island, where a chap driving a Highways Agency van reversed his water-Ferrari into the briny, then, yes, you've guessed it.

Sean writes: 'Luckily there was a happy ending. A nice lady in a 4x4 drove to his rescue and tugged him off!'

Glad to hear he was left with a smile on his face, Sean!

Cardyology

Cripes! I see that there's a rumour going round that Cardy Construction, the company that has been booked to build the Royal Sands (aka Titanic) development on the Pleasurama eyesore here in Ramsgate, is in a, um, spot of bother!

This gossip, and (please note Mr Cardy's lawyers) I am definitely NOT saying there's anything in it, was probably sparked by a charge and a subsequent winding-up order that was lodged against them last month, and appears to have been disseminated via Facebook and the local blogs, and other, Broadstairs-based, print sources.

Now, whilst someone has obviously been upset enough, and had their payments delayed for long enough, to go to the trouble of trying to wind the company up, that is definitely not the same as saying the company is on the skids, or that it is about to g* b*** (asterisks there to protect the innocent). In fact it's a tactic that's often used as leverage to get a delayed payment out of a firm when relations have turned a bit sour, and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the ongoing viability of the company. I know this, because my accountant Cyril told me.

Not only that, but according to my information, the striking off letter was suspended three days later, suggesting that the dispute was resolved pretty quickly once it had escalated to that stage.

I must say, Cardy's last set of accounts, for 2012, look pretty healthy. But then the construction industry has been going through hard times, and who knows what their next set of figures will look like. I would cough up the twelve quid for a credit report on them, but Cyril says he needs that for his bus journey home.

Meanwhile there's another meeting at Duffer HQ in Cecil Square tonight to discuss the whole Pleasurama mess. I wonder if Deputy Leader Poole The Fool will acquit himself better tonight than he did here in Ramsgate earlier this week? My guess is 'no'.

Motor Museum Shifts Into Top Gear

My TV chums at Beeb South East were out filming here in the Millionaires' Playground this morning - it was all part of a story about the old Motor Museum (aka Project Motorhouse, aka West Cliff Hall) which will air on tonight's prog.

Ramsgate celebs Brenda Blethyn (aka The Greatest Living Thanetian) and Janet Fielding (aka former Doctor Who companion Tegan) were on hand to help clear the garden for the cameras ahead of next month's benefit (in, er, Slough), which will feature no fewer that ten Doctor Who companions and at least one actual Doctor Who!

Let's hope they raise enough funds to regenerate (geddit?!??!) this derelict building, which is a key part of our lovely sea front!

Click here to watch on BBC iPlayer (About 18 minutes in. Available until tomorrow evening.)

Do also take a gawp at this short promo the Project Motorhouse people made a couple of years ago...

'Cheap Space And Out Of Control'

Yes fashion fans - that's top designer Wayne Hemingway's verdict on the Arsonists' Playground in a recent interview with The Sun! Although I have to say it sounds more like the sort of thing a bent Tory council leader might utter to his 'investor' chums.

Oh well, as you probably all know by now, Wayne's in charge of revitalising Dreamland by shipping in a load of knackered old rides and poshing it up a bit. Sort of like Jimmy Godden Mk2, but with red specs and a designer tie. His latest utterings at least give poor old Margate some much-needed publicity. But, as we Millionaires' know, Ramsgate's miles better!

PS: Bet you didn't know that our beloved Duffers over in Cecil Square have spent £620,000 of our council tax buying several of those knackered old rides on behalf of the Dreamland Trust? Well I'm here to tell you they have. It's in the small print of their 2012 accounts. Doesn't sound that cheap to me, but it does seem a little bit out of control!

Click here to read interview with Wayne Hemingway in The Sun

Will Ramsgate Council Pass A Motion?

Whether they do or not, there'll undoubtedly be a lot of piss and wind at tonight's public meeting to discuss the big, steaming pile of piles that is the Pleasurama (aka Royal Sands aka Titanic) eyesore which blights our lovely seafront here in the Millionaires' Playground.

Unfortunately, Ramsgate Town Council have precisely zero say in the matter, but a number of Ramsgate councillors are 'double-hatters' and sit on Thanet Council as well, so at least they can be made to smell the strength of public opinion.

Do pop along to Chatham House School tonight and spend your penny's worth!

Click here for full details.

Pie In The Sky?

Piloting the old Toyota Priapus down from London yesterday afternoon, there was a 20 mile queue on the opposite carriageway of the M2 stretching all the way from the Medway services back to Whitstabubble!

Loads of happy campers seemed to be returning from a day or weekend on our fabulous Kent coast, equipped with bicycles, kayaks, jet skis, boats and all the paraphernalia of splashing about in the the sun! I lost count of the poor buggers who had broken down and were waiting by their jalopies on the hard shoulder.

And that despite the obvious distraction of watching the Greatest Living Englishman In The World Ever winning Wimbledon! Hurrah!

Mind you, it's a bit of a double-edged sword. The tailback was reminiscent of the M5 down to the Cornish riviera in the summer rush. At this rate we could soon be lining up for days to pay £5 for an elderflower and clover honey ice cream, and having the hand-pulled pork and caramelised onion pies plucked out of our paws by the bloomin' seagulls no sooner than we've coughed up our tenner to buy them. Be careful what you wish for!

Ramsgate Wins Travel Accolade

Hurrah! And, indeed, yippee! The Millionaires' Playground has made it to the top Thanet slot on one of those internet travel sites!!!! I'm not too sure about the politics of it all, though. Still, any port in a storm, eh!?!?? (Geddit??!!!?!???!!!)

Click it to big it.