Monday, August 05, 2013

Doctor F*cking Who?

Yipes! I see the Beeb have promoted my old acting chum Peter Capaldi to the primetime post of Time Lord! Peter is better known as the potty-mouthed political adviser Malcolm Tucker in The Thick Of It, a sort of sweary version of Yes Minister.

Thanks to my inside contacts, I've managed to snaffle the first page of the first episode that will feature the new Doctor, here it is...


What the fuck is wrong with this fucking piece of crap?

Well, Doctor, it is very old.

Daleks enter from screen left.

Exterminate! Exterminate!

Oh do shut your fucking holes or I'll shove this sonic fucking screwdriver so far up your fucking plungers that you won't be able to extermin-fucking-ate for a week.

Cybermen enter from screen right.

Destroy the Time Lord! Destroy the Time Lord!

Fuck me! Not those fucking wankers as well!

Er, you get the picture. Meanwhile, here's an early outing for Peter Capaldi as a time traveller, in Alexei Sayle's Drunk In Time, from the mid-1990s...

And if you still haven't had enough of the Gallifreyan stuff, I can thoroughly recommend The Gay Daleks!


Anonymous said...

Whoever he is, the Doctor better not overfly Ramsgate in the tardis or the weirdo who infests this blog will fine him. Even worse if he tries to land at Manston where there is no fire cover.

Interesting choice and I have often thought that any red bloodied Doctor would have said "What the f**k is that" to some of the apparitions he confronts. Maybe things are moving in that direction.

Anonymous said...

Why? Is it the same scriptwriter?

Anonymous said...

Surely there must be a Doctor in the Thanet area with his own flying machine and an ability to travel back in time to bring back political views from the past. We should be told.

Bernie said...

We certainly have staff at TDC in the health and safety department who have the ability to rewrite history that's for sure!

Ian Driver said...

Mr E a favour for a favour. Can your mate the time lord sort out the Transeuropa Ferry mess and I will buy you beer or three