Friday, August 16, 2013

Breast Implants Caused Manston Radar Boob

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Beauty Correspondent Piers D'Nipple

A Manston firefighter has claimed her boob job joy turned to misery when it caused radar at Kent International Airport to malfunction.

The firefighter, who asked not to be named, says the problem only came to light when air traffic controllers spotted a pair of giant bosoms on their screens, heading for Ramsgate. She told The Gazunder: 'I was off duty at the time and enjoying my new bust. But then I got a call from the airport on my mobile to say there was an emergency, and to prepare for a pollution incident as they thought the two enormous, flying breasts might be leaking contaminated milk.'

She added that it was only when she was preparing to dash to the airport that she realised her new 36Ds could be causing the problem. 'I called the control tower back and they asked me to jiggle them around a bit. Sure enough, they were jiggling around on their radar screens too!'

The emergency services were stood down once the source of the blips was identified.

A spokesman for the airport said: 'I know we have our knockers, but this is ridiculous.'

33 comments:

William Epps said...

Nice one, Richard. I knew there had to be a simple explanation to all these Manston problems.

Anonymous said...

Surely an abreastable offence has been committed and arrests and fines should follow.

Anonymous said...

Manston were alerted, if you recall, to a biohazard some years ago. The viagra dust cloud over Pfizer.

Of course details at the time were sketchy. Penetration of the cockpit being the only hazard inferred at the time.

But static charge had made a towed banner attractive to the viagra ions.

Hence a pilot Biggles (Not his real name) encountered involuntary trouser wigwam incidents when shaking out his flag.

Anxious to maintain a reputation as an upright local councillor he had only then recently added the hobby of shooting to his CV. Should he remove this to avoid double entendre ? What a dilemma.

An FOI asked where he might most often be seen with his weapon in hand.

OMG, he thought, my unfortunate viagra encounter has somehow leaked out. In the week he had denied that anyone in Thanet had used an oozie.

In a diversionary riposte he featured photos of himself wielding a Japanese sword. Whilst wearing culottes oriental in a fetching shade.

Well its off to Wales for an invigorating martial arts weekend said Biggles





Anonymous said...

The outsourcing of silicon valley to China was bound to cause problems.

Readit said...

Anyone see the boob on BBC One Show last Friday when Chris Evans, explaining the rules of the game "Goalf" to Gary Lineker, said "You have to get your balls in Alex's mouth"

And all before the watershed.

Richard Eastcliff said...

Thanks for all talking nicely while I was away in the Dickensians' Playground over the weekend. It was only when the gutters were swept this morning that I realised it was time to head back to the old cliff top mansion.

I must say I've been getting rather cheesed off lately with all the Manston/Aquifer/Radar/Firefighter/Libel Man/Thanet Knockers rubbish (hence this item), and was dreading the thought of another 50 comments about the same old, same old. I'm all for challenging authority, but only when there's something to back it up.

Unless, of course, it's me saying it.

Hey-ho! Another day in paradise!

Anonymous said...


Thank goodness Manston is safe and there is no corruption at TDC.

Anonymous said...

Charles Buchanan said: "Through a policy of not having many passengers or flights it's clear that Manston is not only one of the safest airports in Kent but poised for massive growth in the decades to come. Unless Plod arrest me. I don;t drink the water but you do hah ha ha ha."

Anonymous said...

Cllr Epps doesn't seem to be taking the regulation of the airport seriously does he?

Anonymous said...

Having seen some of the fleshy firefighters at Manston shouldn't that be moobs rather than 36D breasts?

Anonymous said...

At least nobody's died at masnton except from cancer. The bloke on Death Row in the Congo is dead but the Margate chap is still alive.

Anonymous said...

Isn't the simple explanation for Manston's problems, TDC and Infratil removing the monitoring and fines and then denying it or keeping quiet about it?

Anonymous said...

These are the funniest Manston comments on one of the other posts:

Anonymous said...
The airport does not close at 11pm.. it closes after the last arrival or departure.. fire cover and ATC remain in opening hours..
and you don't need radar .. as I keep saying ..
Flights over the beach and town are NOT illegal either ..

8:21 am
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Every flight in to or out of the UK fly's over a beach somewhere !!!

8:22 am

William Epps said...

Anon 1:11 PM, since when was the airport in Broadstairs? Actually, I do take the airport seriously, it is you I don't.

Anonymous said...

You're not saying the fumes or planes don't drift over Broadstairs do you 6:50?

Or tax and jobs would not be provided to Broadstiars.

Really you're just trying your dodging the blame argument aren't you?

You say you take the airport seriously, but as a Tory party councillor how have you raised it as an issue?



William Epps said...

You know something, 7:05, but I am too busy having tea and biscuits, not to mention travelling around in my chauffeur driven limo, to raise the airport. However, seeing as you are so concerned, why don't you take it up with your district councillor.

Anonymous said...

Epps will tell us the airport is safe and there is no corruption at TDC, so that's reassuring.

William Epps said...

So glad you are reassured. Makes my efforts all worthwhile!

Anonymous said...

You haven't done anything though have you Cllr Epps?

William Epps said...

Well I thought eating biscuits and lifting cups of tea, not to mention reassuring you, was quite enough to be going on with for now.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't seem as though Cllr Epps is taking the airport seriously nor his councillor role.

Besides only KCC have chauffeurs.

Anonymous said...

RTC has a Mayor's driver. Not sure about Broadstairs. What's the Broadstairs council budget? I think it's taken out of the TDC budget.

William Epps said...

So glad you have finally accepted that us little town councillors do not have chauffeurs. What a break through. I see you also said at 7:05 that the airport could generate jobs and taxes. Could it be you are at last seeing the light?

Anonymous said...

It could, but it loses £4m a year. So what exactly does the airport raise in taxes? And aren't the Tories against subsidising jobs? Or is this, like TransEuropa, yet another case of TDC surreptitiously subsidising a white elephant at our expense?

By the way, I am not the previous anon, nor Cllr Driver for that matter, just a concerned voter.

Anonymous said...

Thought so. Any attempt at serious debate met with stony silence.

Anonymous said...

Eppsy is clutching at straws to boost the airport and cover up the monitor fraud.

Nobody said there weren't jobs at the airport - just not very many and propped up by KCC and TDC subsidy. Usually by not charging the pollution fines.

As for chauffeurs that's exactly what was said for RTC. he hasn't answered whether BTC have them. And as a good party robot keeps quiet about KCC's 4 chauffeurs or is it 6?

Lots of Duffers but doing little - and that badly or illegally.

Anonymous said...

I just hope my granny doesn't get cancer if TDC and Infratil have been fiddling the Manston monitoring.

What have KIACC and the TDC Airport Committee doing?

Anonymous said...

Manston losing £4M a year? I didn't realise it was that much. KCC had put various £100k's into it or more. Are the rates being waived too?

Infratil has £2BN profit though - more than KCC's entire budget. Looks like the Duffers have been led down the garden path.

Anonymous said...

The Pfizer problem for Manston has dropped a bit of late, used to be when there was a gentle south east breeze the wind socks would fly straight out - viagaressly !

Anonymous said...

Why haven't TDC issued invoices to Infratil for the fines?

Anonymous said...

The poor old Manston nutmeg is talking to himself again.

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