Ramsgate Rocks!

Er, well, no it doesn't actually as I gather that Ramsgate Rocks (the powerboat festival but without the powerboats) ain't happening this year. Instead we're to be treated to two new, slightly more arty events in the space of a couple of weeks.

Whilst the Dickensian east side is currently indulging itself with mass bladder-on-a-stick waving, and the seedy north side gears up to get its baps out with its annual Titty Show, here on the trendy south side we're ramping up for Monster Bass (14-15 Aug) and A Summer Squall (28-30 Aug).

Monster Bass (nothing to do with drum 'n' bass or turning it up to 11, as most locals seem to think) will feature a huge papier mâché fish in a torchlight procession to the sea, along with street entertainers and a market. This is TDC's offering.

A Summer Squall is backed by our very own teeny-tiny council and promises 'events around the town with something for every age - music, theatre, film, writing and even archaeology!' Highlights will include the world's smallest solar powered cinema, a milk float that's been transformed into a 'sonic wind machine', and a percussion group that uses old tut to make a banging sound.

Quite how Ramsgate has transformed in the space of a year from a place where lardy, tattooed pit bull tuggers in nothing but thongs can get down the front with a bag of Stellas and jiggle their lobster coloured moobs to a Gloria Gaynor impersonator belting out 'I Will Survive', to a place where sophisticated DFLs swan around spouting off about 'The Legend of Lomea', art and architecture is quite beyond me.

Perhaps the fast train has something to do with it. Perhaps I've had something to do with it, with all my talk about the 'Millionaires' Playground'. If so, I'm sorry, as I actually quite enjoyed the atmosphere at Ramsgate Rocks. And I'm sure Frank Thorley and the other establishments on the strip enjoyed the tens of thousands it stuffed in their coffers! Maybe next year we could have a bit of both?