Monday, July 20, 2009

Ask Doctor Fraudstein

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week our celebrity psychoanalyst, Dr Fraudstein, tackles your personal problems!

Dear Dr Fraudstein, I am a politician who has recently been described as looking like a 'Mini-Me' of another, much larger politician. Does this mean I have a smaller or larger ego than the larger politician, and will I some day get to lead the council if I just do what he says? J.

Dr Fraudstein writes: Hmmmm. You have been described as a 'Mini-Me', but how does that make you feel? My fee for this session will be £100.

Dear Dr Fraudstein, I am a politician who has recently been described as 'Pinocchio' by another politician. I think this may be because I work with national politicians and sometimes have to tell 'porky pies' on their behalf. Would it be wrong to spin this in my favour by implying that my nose isn't the only thing that gets larger whenever I'm 'economical with the vérité'? M.

Dr Fraudstein writes: Hmmmm. You have been described as 'Pinocchio', but how does that make you feel? My fee for this session will be £100.

Dear Dr Fraudstein, I am a politician who has recently been chastised by the Standards Committee for my behaviour in a cardigan shop. Wank. This has happened twice now and I'm flippin' browned off with it. Fuck tosser. Should I resign and retire to my yacht on the Med? S. (PS: Somebody else advised St Johns Wort for the Tourettes but it does not fuck seem to be working wank toss knackers. Axminster.)

Dr Fraudstein writes: Hmmmm. Please see the nurse on the way out for your haloperidol injection. My fee for this session will be £100.

That's enough Dr Fraudstein - Ed.

15 comments:

Richard Card said...

Oh doctor I'm in trouble

Goodness gracious mini-me

Emulating Capo Latchford

And accused of mimicry.

Richard Card said...

Oh patient that's not trouble

Goodness gracious mini-you

Emulating Bully Hayton's

The malignant thing to do

Eastcliff Richard said...

Oh dear Rick. I do trust my item hasn't made your heart go boom-boody boom-boody boom-boody boom-boody boom-boody boom-boody boom-boom-boom.

Anonymous said...

There once was a young man called Worrow,
Who asked Mark "Do you have a suit I could borrow?"
Mark said "Of course, but they are all red"
"I'm sure you'd rather be seen dead"
"If you want blue just ask Roger tomorrow"

Anonymous said...

There was a young man called Mark
Who got in the politics lark
Elections he'd win 'em
And facts he would spin 'em
'Cos the arts that he practised were dark.

Anonymous said...

You lot are only jealous coz the spin doctor has a bigger konk than you

Isabel Smith said...

Interesting that Cllr. Nottingham has maintained a dignified silence since his last posting. It's a pity Parish Councillor/community volunteer Worrow and his friends, family and colleagues can't do likewise.

Oh, I forgot, none of his colleagues has said anything to support him, at least they haven't put their names to any of the pro-Worrow postings. Perhaps they find the whole business embarrassing to the Tory Party.

ascu75 aka Don said...

I am rubbing my eyes they aint seen no PRO WORROW posts maybe I need glasses or maybeeeeeee there aint no pro Worrow posts and I can save me self the trip to Specsavers

Anonymous said...

I wish there were no Don posts.

Anonymous said...

To the Anoymous person pretending to be Isabel Smith.

There is nothing dignified in telling lies about John or anyone else come to that. And yes I do know him and I know he is busy arranging parish events etc.

You are just are nasty person that has probably never done enything to help anyone.

I personally don't care for the Tory party BUT I have worked with John on a charity committee and I know that he is a very kind caring person.

You don't help your cause by making cowardly remarks about a hard working young man that you don't even know.

But of course you have a dark agenda!

Anonymous said...

Mark Nottingtom is not only embarrassing the Thanet Labour group - HE IS ALSO EMBARRASSING Labour's European group, and really should set an example to unpaid helpers!

Anonymous said...

Does anyone remember those competitions in newspapers where you had to spot Lobby Ludd at various seaside locations and could win a £5 if you challenged him?

Can we now have a competition on the lines of 'I've spotted John Worrow posting as anonymous so can I claim my £5?'

John, if you're going to post anonymously please learn how to spell 'Nottingham'.

To anonymous attacking Isabel Smith- totally unjustified criticism. How do you know what the poster has achieved in life unless you know her? How do you know she doesn't know him? Do you know all his friends/neighbours/colleagues by name? Unless, of course, this is from John Worrow then he would know/not know Isabel.

It's interesting that none of the good folk supporting Mr. Worrow give names at the bottom of their postings and I haven't seen any from his colleagues by name.

Can we please call a halt to all this. It's getting really boring now.

Anonymous said...

I had a look at John's web site and he spells nottingham correctly.

Wrong again!

Anonymous said...

Ah, but not when he posted several highly critical messages on Councillor Ken Gregory's blog not too long ago. 'Nottingham' was spelt 'Nottingtom' and 'Nottington'. Odd that the anonymous poster on here also spelt it 'Nottingtom'but perhaps he thought no-one would notice.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he has a speech impediment.