Cripes! That overnight spat on the last item has really put things in perspective for me! I mean, here I am, a suave, sophisticated, extremely well-educated media type from London who has come among you Thanetians to point out your idiosyncratic ways and help deliver you from the mire of carpet tiles, white van drivers and duffer-driven eyesores that blight your small island. Nothing less than Thanet's saviour in fact.
And there you all are, still bleating about 'DFLs', 'prols' and 'Islington dinner parties' like a bunch of mustachioed, perma-permed Liverpudlians caught in an 80s time warp.
No wonder I can't get a decent latte round here!