Friday, November 06, 2009

Bonfire Night Of The Vanities

I managed to hobble round to my 76 year old neighbour Betty's bonfire party last night. After the whizzbangs, she got to telling me that her poor old pussy is losing its fur and feels quite dry sometimes. Apparently it's also rather twitchy at this time of year and tries to slip out, so she spends most of her time pushing it back in through the flap.

I then happened to mention that the Tory Mayor of Margate, Ted Watt-Ruffell, was hauled up on a charge of maltreating kittens at the Cecil Square magistrates' court yesterday. I wonder if the kitty-fiddling accusations are related to the story in today's Gazunder about two sick little moggies found dumped outside a hotel in Cliftonville in September? The poor purrers have now been rehomed by the RSPCA, but it does all sound a little coincidental.

Anyway, Betty then went off like a rocket. 'The bloody Thanet Tories!' she fulminated. 'I'd like to put the whole f***in' lot of them on the f***in' bonfire! That f***in' Ezekiel he's been scolded by the standards people twice for calling the mayor a f***in' tosser and upsetting that f***in' petition! And as for f***in' Latchford and all the other f***in' cronies and hangers on. And that f***in' freeby trip to China that Wills paid for! And what about the f***in' planning department letting people build whatever they f***in' want wherever they want. What about all the f***in' burnt out holes that Jimmy Godden's left rotting for years, they've done f*** all about those! And now they want the f***in' airport to fly all night, those f***in' planes rattle the f***in' windows all day as it is!'

Well, after that rant, I was quite glad to limp back home and play with my own pussy!


Anonymous said...

Your neighbour's surname wouldn't be Slocombe by any chance would it? Mrs Slocombe was always having trouble with her pussy 35 years ago.

Richard Eastcliff said...

Yes, Betty Slocombe! Has she always had problems with her pussy then? It can't be the same pussy, surely? it would be very old and decrepit by now if it was!

Anonymous said...

Betty, I couldn't have put it better myself. In fact, I often do.

Anonymous said...

Often don't, you mean, surely?
How thick!