Why I Won't Be Voting Lib Dem In Today's Dane Valley By-Election

Well, the short answer is because I don't live there, thank heavens! But ordinarily, of course, I have a yellow streak a mile wide, and would be gung-ho for Bill Furness to get elected, despite his proposer being the chippy fat man from Margate. But no, I'm (virtually, of course) supporting Labour.

So why the change to Hart? First I would like to scotch the rumour that I'm supporting lovely Labourette Sandra Hart, wife of the equally lovely Labour leader Clive Hart, merely so's I can make Hart to Hart hay about 'Max', 'Freeway' and 'big hair' should she get elected. Noooooo. Not me.


Er, yes, well. Ahem. Seriously though, by all accounts, Birchington Bill is a thoroughly nice cove. But the point is, he lives in Birchington. Not Dane Valley. Surely the electors have had enough of absentee representatives after the last incumbent, Panama Steve Broadhurst, was discovered to have spent the majority of his time 5,000 miles away in central America? Plus Lib Dems in Thanet are about as common as hen's teeth, so in my view the only chance of deposing the current Thanet Reich lies with Labour.

Remember, this is a local election on local issues, so we should be putting aside the fact that Old One Eye has f*cked up the country royally, and concentrating on the fact that the Tories round here have f*cked up Fannit locally.

Meanwhile a bird tells me that another Dane Valley Tory, the alleged cat-killing Mayor of Margate, will be up before the beak today somewhere out west. Perhaps someone will tweet the result of that particular contest later in the day!

Update: Margate Mayor Edwin Watt-Ruffell and his co-defendant, wife Alexandra Watt-Ruffell, have entered a plea of not guilty to causing unnecessary suffering to a kitten in their care. The pair did not appear for the hearing at Sittingbourne court this morning. A trial date has been set for next year. Click here for more.