Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Ask Sister Assumpta - Ferrygate Special

Yes, she's back by popular demand! Our holy mother of all agony aunts, Sister Assumpta, tackles your public funding problems!

Dear Sister Assumpta, I am the Labour Leader of a local authority in Kent which has just lost £3.3m of our council taxpayers' money secretly betting on a bankrupt ferry firm. I am now having to cut public services drastically in order to make up the shortfall. Should I resign? C.

Sister Assumpta writes: Yer a shower o'bastards an' make no mistake! I wouldn't ride yer fer practice! Jaysus, yer never saw a cow shit and didn't long fer a pancake! Now feck off before I feckin' reef yer, yer great toolin' gobshite!

Dear Sister Assumpta, I am the former Tory Leader of a local authority in Kent which has just lost £3.3m of our council taxpayers' money secretly betting on a bankrupt ferry firm. It was my administration which initially approved this risky action, resulting in drastic public service cuts in order to make up the shortfall. Should I resign? B.

Sister Assumpta writes: Yer great hairy gimp! Why don't yer go and blow it out yer arse, yer givin' me the runs! Yer've got a neck like a camel jockey's bum, yer big suckie whacker! Now feck off, or I'll put yer up against the wall an' give yer a puck in the gob!

Dear Sister Assumpta, I am the Chief Executive and Chief Financial Officer of a local authority in Kent which has just lost £3.3m of our council taxpayers' money secretly betting on a bankrupt ferry firm. It was me that recommended this course of action to both the former Tory administration and the more recent Labour administration. I now regret this course of action, and am also deeply ashamed at failing in my duty of public care by continuing to authorise debt write-offs to this exorbitant and ludicrous amount. Things are now so bad that I am having to instigate drastic public service cuts and recoup the money by robbing Peter to pay Paul. I am so embarrassed and upset. Should I resign? S.

Sister Assumpta writes: Feck me, yer've truly gone and put the kibosh on it, moochin' around fer money, yer mentaller! Yer've made such a feckin' bags of it, I'm surprised the taxpayers haven't eaten the head off yer! Sure, yer drawers are the size of Cork an' all! Go stuff a jammy rag up yer hole, yer thick manky gimp!

That's enough Sister Assumpta - Ed.

13 comments:

Big Bopper 69 said...

Oh Sister !!
I agree with you,surely the chief exec will resign?

Tony Ovenden said...

Wow that is one angry woman , its a good job she is a Nun as some poor bloke could be married to her.

Ian Driver said...

Dear Sista I am a thanet councillor. Tonight at the Councils Overview and Scrutiny Panel I askes my colleage councillors to set an inquiry into the lost £3.3. They all voted against it. I told them not cover up the truth and they called me a fekker what shall I do

Anonymous said...

The Sista Assumpta stuff is dull. But on Cllr Driver's point: call in the Police.

The councillors and civil servants are just crooks using our money.

Misuse of a public office and negligence are relevant.

A separate point: why are Cargolux and KLM overflying the towns still? And what has the £100k (or more) KCC/Visit Kent subsidy been spent on?

Sister Assumpta said...

Feck off and boil yer arse!

manofkent said...

Anon 11.00 the £100k was to be spent in Europe to encourage people to fly to Thanet by KLM. You must have noticed all those people walking along Margate sea front in their Dutch caps and with clogs on.

Anonymous said...

Worse is to come by the time justice is done to those who tried to built up a decent ferry service by serving a legal trade. That will really blow their balls off!

Anonymous said...

How does Buchanan manage to persuade Carter on investing in Infratil/KLM etc even when it's bust? Grand construction projects?

Anonymous said...

It will be interesting to see what the KLM/Infratil £100k has been spent on - and why exactly these multi-billion companies need such tax funds?

You do have to admire Buchanan polluting the area and getting KCC and TDC to fund him to do so.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Assumpta

I have offered to print £3.3 million for my old muckers on the council.

All I want is some High Street premises on the old Community Enterprise scheme and my usual freedoms from business rates.

Some where near Billy the Rock Cock purveyor of Mary Portas fame would be good.

The Turner were on the bone the other day about an exhibition of my early works. Dollars, A level certs, firearms certs, engineering qualifications and Army Service records and the like.

I am working on Royal Marines Reserve certificates of service after some recent market research suggests there may be a market.

Love and Cuddles Cyril

Anonymous said...

I think it's important to strike a balance in this debate. As that Moore chap rightly points out, this isn't real money at all. If you pay me a fiver, THAT is real money. But if you owe me a fiver and don't hand it over, THAT money doesn't exist. Taking this to its logical conclusion, we can eliminate all debt by not paying what we owe. The money we owe will then cease to exist, in real terms, and the British economy will recover. We will need someone sensible in Number 11 when Osborne goes (and it can't be long). I think that Moore chap is made of the right stuff.

Anonymous said...

Typical thanet council watch them screw up the dreamland plan next

Ian Driver said...

Dear Sista Asumpta. I grassed up Fanet Carncil to the Auditor about the Ferrygate Scandal. The Audtor's done a report about it. But he sed if I tell anyone wots innit I could go down for 2 years. Wot's a carncillar to do?