Monday, April 15, 2013
Putting The Fun In Funeral
Not only was she an attractive, sexy woman, but she also single-handedly beat off hordes of filthy, revolting miners, the entire, unwashed Irish nation, the disgusting, money-grabbing union types and the loony socialist lefties who wanted us all to become part of the USSR, AND, let us not forget, THE ARGIES!!!!!!!!!
Of course, I was a mere twinkle in Mr Eastcliff Snr's eye for most of her reign. But having read up on her a bit, I now know she was the Iron Lady who put the 'Great' back in 'Great Britain' and bestowed upon us the fabulous wealth that we enjoy today.
Frankly a state funeral is nowhere near enough of a tribute to the woman. Nothing short of sainthood and an airport named after her would be sufficient to commemorate her magnificent achievements. In fact I have today started a petition to rename our very own RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Schipol International Airport as the RAF London Kent Manston Margate Tracey Emin Maggie Thatcher Schipol International Airport. You can't say fairer than that.
My volte face is, natch, nothing to do with the fact that I today received my invitation to what is being described as 'the funeral of the century', along with my other old showbiz chums Jeremy, Jeffrey, Dame Shirley, Sir Andy, Sir Terry, Sir Brucie, Sir Trevorie and Sir Davidie. Together we're planning to give her a good, old-fashioned, hoofing send-off. The rumour is I may even be called upon to render my tribute version of 'Candle In The Wind'. 'Twould be an honour, Ma'am!