Schadenfraude

Lorks! I see my old Fannit Council chum and former Tory Chief Duffer Sandy Beach has been charged with fraud and misconduct in a public office! Who'd have thought!??!?!??

Senior Crown Prosecutor Ken Goss told the Isle of Thanet Gazunder: 'I have today advised Kent Police to charge two men in relation to fraud and misconduct in a public office. It is alleged one of the men improperly used privileged Thanet District Council information in relation to the purchase of two properties.'

Brarn envelopes and wall-to-wall carpets all round!

Any Portas In A Storm

Holy shop fronts! I see those splendid chaps at Ramsgate Arts have popped out a quickie in a bid to get my old retailing chum Mary Portas down to the Tip of Kent to display her sexy undercrackers in some of our knackered old units.

I must say, I think they've made the Millionaires' Playground look just the ticket for a Harvey Nics! Take a squiz and see what you think...

In Crematoriam

In Memoriam
Jimmy Godden
Funpark operator and, er, pyrotechnician

So, farewell
Then Jimmy Godden.

'Strike a light!'
That was
Your catchphrase.
And 'Stop arson about!'

Now an act
Of Godden
Has taken you
To that great
Funpark in the sky.

Or that other
One, down below.

Either way,
You were probably
Insured.

E. C. Richard (29)

747s 24/7

Cripes! I see the new old duffers at Thanet Council have decided to drop any legal beagle mullarkey and hide behind the time-honoured 'public consultation' smokescreen when it comes to allowing knackered old cargo 747s to buzz our bonces all night long.

Not that I'm too bothered, as I rented the old cliff top mansion out to a bunch of local, er, horticulturists yonks ago. Still, I wouldn't want their plants to wilt under the stress of 500 decibels eight times a night.

So I urge you to get over to the No Night Flights website and take a squizz at the gory details. Or if that's too much of an effort, just email the council with 'I OBJECT TO NIGHT FLIGHTS' in the subject line. Do make sure you include your name, address and postcode in your missive, as the 'consultation' is weighted in favour of those who live directly under the flight path.

Right, I've done my bit. Now, where's Saskia with my G&T?