Breaking News - There Is No News

Well, apart from a nice lady from Operation Cleansweep knocking on the door of the old cliff top mansion this morning. Fortunately the Eastcliff charm managed to steer her away from the 300 illegals I've got stashed in the attic. Most of them were out packing salads anyway.

Oh, and I seem to have come in for a bit of criticism for that last post about Stephen Hawking. Councillor Motormouth is 'not too impressed', and one of my sponsors has asked me to remove it. Do I care? And while I'm at it, Rebecca Adlington really does look like someone who's looking at herself in the back of a spoon, if you ask me.

Of course, there is some news around. The vile trade in live animal exports from Ramsgate has started again, and our 99p shop is infested with mice. But you can read all about that elsewhere.

So, while we're waiting for something to happen, I've been digging around in the ECR TV archives and found this little number I made for the Thanet Nudist Information Board way back in 2008. It extols the attractions of Broadstairs for naked bathers, and is quite suitable for this lovely weather we're having, methinks!

However, shrinking violets like Councillor M might want to look away at the end, as it contains a brief glimpse of a naked woman who looks a bit like a potato. Enjoy!

Broadstairs - The Naked Truth

Rummaging through my electronic drawers just now, I came across a film that my old movie mucker and all-round factotum Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) made for the Thanet Nudist Information Board way back in 2008.

This used to be on my ECR TV site at BoobTube, but the bounders removed it for contravening their rules on nudity. Admittedly it's stuffed full of phallic symbolism, and there's a quick, artistic flash at the end, but nothing to get too excited about.

As the weather's set fair for the next few days, what better time to advertise the delights of, er, hanging out on Bottomy Bay?!

Peter Shows Bottle In Front Of TV Cameras

If you didn't see top Thanet nudie Peter Checksfield giving us a glimpse of what lies beneath on BBC South East tonight, he's thoughtfully videoed it off the telly and put it on BoobTube for us. Though thanks to a tastefully positioned water bottle I can only speculate that the tattoo (at least) is of a baby's arm holding a grapefruit. Perhaps you'd care to enlighten us Mr C?

It's all rather reminiscent of the time when one of my camera wielding chums thought it would be a splendid idea to set up his equipment in his location hotel room to record the, er, premium channel for posterity. Having got back to base, he entrusted the tape to the grunts in the machine room to transfer it to DVD. Much to their amusement, they soon realised that the poor sap had positioned the camera at such an angle that his reflection on the bed was clearly visible, and that he was indulging in what these days can only be described as Home Secretary's Husband Duties!

Hmm. I wonder....

Click here to see if you can see what Peter's doing in front of the telly
Click here to watch without distractions on BBC iPlayer

A Slap In The Face For Nudist Knockers

Top Thanet nudie Peter Checksfield writes:

The very lovely Rebecca at the Gazette has asked me to write something on Botany Bay & naturism in general as a follow-up to last week's article, & I thought it would be a good idea to include a few lines from Thanet's premier bloggers! I've also written to Tony Flaig.

Keep up the good work!

Well, a couple of points there. The obvious being, and I must say it sticks out like a sore whatsit, that there can only be one premier blogger on the island - moi! As for my response to the thorny question of nudism in Bottomy Bay (©2008 Richard Eastcliff), I responded thus:

I hold nothing against naturists. Indeed, I frequently follow the lead of a prominent Bee Gee lookalike airline exec and attend board meetings wearing only a skimpy night garment, so that my massive tool can occasionally slip out and intimidate my less well-endowed fellow board members.

I can see no reason why some nudity shouldn't be allowed in Botany Bay. My only objection would be that Palm Bay would surely be preferable as the name quite appropriately describes what the wrinkly old duffers on the council would be doing as they peer through their binoculars.

Let's see if the Gazunder prints that! Right, I must dash now as I have a lunch appointment in town with my old newsreading chum Sandy Gusset.

Click here for last silly season's skinny-dipping stories

Nude on Ramsgate Sands in 1788

Nayland Cock

This just in from the, er, nudes desk of Peter Checksfield, our man with the towel (and not much else) in Bottomy Bay. Apparently he's been contacted by someone who purports to represent the Nayland Rock Hotel in Margate, demanding the removal of images from his in-the-nud photo site Naked in Thanet that were shot in front of the aforementioned establishment. Peter's correspondent charmingly adds:

Please keep your minging tarts away from my property or I shall chuck seriously cold water over the lot of you – including you as the head perv of the sad band! Get a job!

Peter initially treated the email with the utter contempt it deserves, but has since received a follow-up message in which the, er, clearly liberated writer demands a £10,000 donation to a breast cancer charity for continued use of the photos, and threatens: '24 hours should be long enough, or I shall litigate.'

Really! And there was me thinking these kind of nutty, repressed Victorian values only existed in Westgate these days. Sadly it appears I was wrong. So in the spirit of mediation I shall be dispatching a complete set of piano leg covers over to Margate with my compliments forthwith!

Click here for discussion on Peter Checksfield's blog
Click here for Naked in Thanet

Buff Buffs Vote For Bottomy Bay

Nudes just in - the results of my latest 7 day poll have revealed the naked truth, you've voted for Botany Bay as the best Thanet beach for naturists to get their kit off!

If you recall, Thanet Council is holding a consultation on whether Botany Bay or Pegwell Bay is the most appropriate, er, shaven haven for skinny dipping. Top Thanet nudie Peter Checksfield has already stated his preference for Pegwell Bay due to its superior facilities, but it seems the majority of you have voted for the better beach at Botany, which has traditionally been the venue for whipping out your matching cuffs and collars (not that anyone seems to go in for full mufti these days). For the record, here's the final tally:

Question: Where would be the best Thanet beach for naturists to get their kit off?

Botany Bay: 42% (20 votes)
Pegwell Bay: 29% (14 votes)
Anywhere they can get a bum deal: 27% (13 votes)

Bum Deal

Top Thanet nudie Peter Checksfield has emailed me the following, er, nudes flash regarding the ongoing saga of whether naturists should have the right to strip off on our beaches here on the Ile de Thanet:

I've just got an email from Joe McCarthy of TDC:

Further to a recent meeting the Council has decided to go out to public consultation on this matter in relation to the beaches at Botany Bay and Pegwell Bay. We will notify of the outcome from this consultation as soon as possible. Thank you

So, what do you think? Bottomy Bay or Pegwell? I've popped one of my seven day polls in the side bar on the right, so do feel free to express yourself.

The Naked Truth

Crikey! I see Thanet Council may give the green light for nudists to cavort in Pegwell Bay!

The bay, which is a Site of Special Scientific Interest, has already been dogged by dogging and deluged by dead starfish. According to top Thanet nudie Peter Checksfield, the council has now offered it as a special spot for those with no clothes. The naturists normally enjoy letting it all hang out at Botany Bay, near Kingsgate, but have been told that's, er, not on.

Well, earlier today I stopped Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) in the middle of masticating the upstairs shower room and sent him out in his best birthday suit to see if he could come up with any alternatives. The result? Broadstairs... of course. And it seems he made a friend!