Ilfracombe Shows More Spunk Than Thanet

According to the BBC News website, a row has broken out in the north Devon resort of Ilfracombe after some of the locals with more, er, fertile imaginations decided that the town's new logo made the place a 'laughing stock'. The critics are of the opinion that the dot over the 'I' resembles a sperm.

I must say that this is the same kind of misguided, Mary Whitehouse thinking that put the kybosh on my Flag for Fannit. I mean, look at it. How could anyone interpret it as anything other than the majestic North Foreland lighthouse, rising into our clear, blue sky atop our magnificent chalk cliffs over the sandy tussocks of Joss Bay!?!?!?!

Vexillatious Question

Many thanks for all your sackfuls of entries to my Find A Flag For Fannit competition! Special appreciation goes to regular contributors Mark, Dick, Millicent, and Mr Dickens of Broadstairs. Er, actually they were the only people who entered.

So, the competition is now closed, and the panel of judges (me) have made their final decision. And the winner is... [drum roll] Dick! I've had my team of highly trained graphic designers cast their glass eyes over your design, and they've made some alterations. Here's the final look:

The background colours have been changed to reflect our glorious sandy beaches, chalk cliffs and clear blue skies, whilst retaining your motif of the North Foreland lighthouse surrounded by the sand and grassy tussocks of Joss Bay. Oh, and following an unaccustomed attack of modesty, I asked them to keep my physog off it. I look forward to seeing the flag flying proudly from all our public buildings, and engraved into the walls of Thanet's toilet cubicles, in the very near future.

Congratulations Dick, and your bottle of Dom(estos) is chilling here at the old cliff top mansion ready for you take advantage of at your convenience!

Flag Fever!

Keep those entries coming in for my Find A Flag For Fannit competition. Already I've had thousands of people thinking about entering, and even one or two actual entries! Reader Mark is mining a rich seam along the lines of my brarn envelope suggestion:

Here's another variation from Mark, this time using Our Glorious Leader's catchphrase:

Meanwhile, reader Dick has captured the essence of the isle with his marvellous portrayal of the North Foreland lighthouse surrounded by the sand and grassy tussocks of Joss Bay:

What with the tasteful depiction of yours truly in the top left hand corner, and the fact that your motif is clearly a popular one with Thanetians as it can be seen chalked onto virtually every bit of concrete in these parts, you could well be a winner Dick!

Finally regular contributor Mr Dickens of Broadstairs has suggested that as part of the flag raising ceremony the Thanet ensign should be doused in petrol and immediately set fire to by an unidentifiable youth in a Primark hoodie once it has been hoisted, as is the proud tradition of the isle. Nice one Mr D!

Send your Fannit flags to: richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk. The closing date is Monday 20 April, and there's a bottle of Dom, or a syringe full of Domestos for the winner, depending on your preference.

Flying The Flag

Tootling around the Isle of Wight at the weekend, I observed that many of the islanders had erected flagpoles in their gardens. Some were flying the cross of St George (previously the preserve of the ghastly BNP but now, fortunately, being reclaimed for its original purpose). However, just as many Vectisian vexillophiles were flying the above ensign which is, apparently, the island's very own pennant.

This got me thinking. Why shouldn't we have our own flag here on Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula, celebrating our island status? Hence today I'm inaugurating the Eastcliff Richard Find A Fannit Flag Competition! Has a certain ring about it, doncha think?

So get your thinking caps on. Should it be a pit bull rampant? Or even a pit bull squatting with borries beneath? How about a pair of hairy great mitts with a brarn envelope full of fifties being passed between them? Or there again, your preference could be for a box of Swan Vestas set over a can of four star. The choice is yours.

All you have to do is scan your design and email it to: richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk. If your sketching skills aren't up to the job, don't worry. Just describe your flag and I'll get my team of top graphic designers here at the cliff top mansion to realise your dream! The closing date is Monday 20 April, and there's a bottle of Dom or a four pack of 1664, depending on your preference, for the winner. So, whaddya waiting for?!?!?!!!