DFL Goes BTL

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Society Editor Mary Hinge

Celebrity blogger Richard Eastcliff has shocked the isle by moving back to London! He made the surprise announcement in an exclusive interview with the Isle of Thanet Gazunder.

Speaking candidly for the first time about his five years in Ramsgate, which he dubbed 'The Millionaires' Playground', Mr Eastcliff said: 'It really hasn't worked out. When I came here it was on the promise that Thanet was on the up. But it's all gone horribly wrong.'

Mr Eastcliff, who enjoyed fame and fortune in the TV industry with successful shows such as My Dog's a Bitch! and Celebrity Nipples before his move to the area in 2006, added that Thanet was no place for a creative genius such as himself.

'There's no media work here, and what's worse is that people don't even understand the concept. I've done the odd media job in Thanet, but nobody wants to pay for it. I'd be better off flogging double glazing or taking bungs to nod through planning permission.'

Adjusting the string holding up his trousers and sipping from a can of Stella Artois, Mr Eastcliff continued: 'Not only that, but when you tell potential employers in London that you live in Thanet, they just don't want to know. The final straw was when I pitched an idea to a commissioning editor at Channel 4 last month and she said 'Oh dear, I see you live in Margate'. Needless to say I didn't get the job.'

Pausing only to fill out a Jobseeker's Allowance form, the 29 year old added: 'I've hardly had any work in the past two years. I've also developed some expensive habits, and now I'm facing a huge bill for five years' unpaid tax, so I've got to sell the old cliff top mansion. Hopefully I'll find work in the smoke.' He explained that by 'the smoke', he meant London, not Margate.

Taking a leisurely puff on his crack pipe, the former TV Times Personality of the Year concluded: 'It's not all been bad, though. I've made some good friends down here and I'd especially like to thank Cyril my accountant, who, actually, I haven't heard from recently, Dodgy Dave for the crystal meth, Tyson my Staffordshire bull terrier, and all the staff at Thorley Taverns for those times when I've had half a dozen over the eight and they've refused not to serve me.'

Mr Eastcliff is 29.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Hurrah! It's the one day of the year when I actually look forward to the postman getting a firm grip on my knocker and penetrating my brass flap with his enormous delivery so that he can empty his bulging sack all over my inner sanctum!

As usual, I'll be spending my 29th birthday today entertaining fans and family here at the old cliff top mansion. Feel free to add your birthday wishes!