When Dreamland Was The Turner

Moving on from all the Manston mullarkey, I'm indebted to one of my lovely readers for flagging up this newsreel from the 1960s. It shows the then recently installed 'Spectrum Psychedelic Fun Palace' at Dreamland, complete with porn-style wah-wah 'with it' music, and bewildered posh bloke voicing the commentary.

Nowadays, of course, it's the kind of thing you're more likely to find in the Turner Contemporary. Indeed, the fun palace was the brainchild of an artist, Keith Albarn, none other than the pater of Blur Brit-Popper Damon Albarn.

The newsreel's part of British Pathé's current efforts to put all their footage online, and there are more than enough old films of Margate, Broadstairs and Ramsgate on their website to while away a wet Thursday in Thanet.

Of course, if you want to go one step further and recreate the full 60s experience, you could always roll yourself a massive doobie and go for a wander around the Turner Contemporary!

East Kent Bids For City Of Culture 2017

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Arts Correspondent Jenny Tals

Culture vultures across the isle are celebrating the news that East Kent has thrown its hat into the ring to become UK City of Culture 2017!

The bid will see East Kent competing against the likes of Aberdeen, Chester, Hastings and Bexhill, Hull, Leicester, Plymouth, Portsmouth and Southampton, Swansea Bay, Sarfend, London, Paris and New York! (Er, those last two aren't in the UK - Ed.)

East Kent Head of Arts and Culture Mary Hinge, who's heading up the pitch for the area, told the Gazunder it was a great opportunity to showcase Thanet's burgeoning arts scene. 'What with the Turner Contemporary, links with Tracey Emin, and the Turner Contemporary, Margate is fast becoming the centre of the arts universe,' said Hinge. 'There's so much going on, it's like an explosion in a custard factory!!!'

She added that 'Explosion in a Custard Factory', by 23 year old Lithuanian artist Biggas Lottadudu-Ueverseenas, which is currently showing at the Turner, would be one of the keystones of the bid. Rejecting claims that East Kent is not technically a city, Hinge added: 'If there's taxpayers' money up for grabs, it could be a banana for all I care.'

Highlights of Thanet's culture bid will include:

•  Exhibition of 3D pavement art by the Thanet Pit Bull Owners Club
•  'Stella Mountain', a new site-specific installation designed by the Premier Convenience Store Customers' Collective
•  'Concrete Sticks in a Row', a permanent installation on Ramsgate seafront by reclusive Swiss artists' commune SFP
•  Thanet Tories have pledged to hand out free planning permission, should they get back into power by 2017, to any artist with an idea for an installation who turns up with a back pocket full of 50s and plane tickets to 'somewhere nice'.

 That's enough culture - Ed.

One of the high points of Margate's cultural year - the annual

Sticking Your Head in a Box and Bad Anagrams Show

UPDATE 19 June 2013: It didn't even make it into the final four. Click here for more.

Wish You Were Here Too?

Reader Kevin, who went on a tour of Margate's unfinished Turner Contemporary yesterday, writes:

I am completely disinterested in this project but I wondered if you would like my immediate impressions...

I arrived five minutes before the hour, brandishing the letter saying I’d been invited on the tour. The person I invited along and I were pleasantly shepherded in to Droit House to receive our fluorescent jacket and hard hat.

Assembling at the front entrance to the site, we paused as the KCC guy and the Turner lady welcomed us to the tour and mentioned facts, figures, safety concerns (it’s a building site, so try not to trip) and the ban on the use of cameras on the (spurious) reason of copyright issues.

Entering the site, we were then lead on a predetermined route through the concrete walls/hanging wires/scaffolding that is the Turner at the moment.

I don’t know how much of it, if any, you have seen but it is a lot bigger on the inside than can be seen on the outside. Tardis came to mind.

Our group of 25 were then led on a tour of the future reception area, cafe, shop, gallery, and conference space on the ground floor, and large gallery spaces and education space on the first.

Big windows. No, seriously big windows. They have put in big floor to ceiling windows in every space, and the roof is 60 ft in places, but to get valuable works of art down to a seaside setting they have an atmosphere controlled/we can control the natural light area, which means that as well as contemporary art works there will be ‘proper pictures' on the walls (sorry, I asked the question, but I prefer ‘proper pictures') including, from the opening, a ‘Turner’ on loan from the Tate.

Our group were invited to ask questions and they involved what type of floor in the gallery, the lift (it will be able to hold 100 people, apparently) and the type of art on display.

After 45 minutes we returned our safety gear and, passing the television cameras, left to make our own minds up.

Yes, obviously it’s still a building site.

It is a lot bigger inside than you would think.

It will have great views, though they were already there.

The people involved really care.

I asked Turner lady if she could give us a one sentence reply to pass on to people who moan about the ‘eyesore’ on Margate harbour. She said things about ‘Dynamic’ ‘Forward Looking’ etc.

I would suggest they just say ‘Give it a chance'.

Wish You Were Here?

Regular contributor Millicent has sent me this charming postcard from Das Kunstbunker, aka the Turner Contemporary. She writes: 'It was given out free at an event I attended. According to the back, KCC, TDC and the Arts Council have all paid for this wonderful view of the Turner Contemporary under construction in 2010. Hardly the most awe-inspiring topic is it?'

Oh well, just wait until it's finished Millicent. Although that could be a big ask if the ConDem coalition pushes through its threatened 25% cuts in arts grants. Who knows, it could suffer the same fate as some of the schools round here. If that were the case, the lucky locals who were offered sneak peeks today could be some of its only visitors!

Still, the Turner could always go begging. Which, in fact, it has. All you have to do is pop along to the Just Giving website and pledge your sovs. Mind you, most Thanetians wouldn't stretch to 50p for the meter to keep their gran's life support machine going, so good luck to them with that.

And talking of Thanetians, I hear that many talented and well qualified DFLs have been rejected without even an interview for the slew of jobs that recently went begging at the Turner, purely for the crime of putting a Thanet postcode on their CV!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's today's EotW. As ever, click it to big it.

It's anyone's guess which page it'll appear on in our local blue top from week to week. Today it was under Countdown to Turner, my old journalist chum John Kampfner's column, writing in his guise as chairman of the Turnip Centre trustees.

I'm sure John won't mind me saying (as he probably didn't write it, but only put his name to it) that I've never read so much fantasy guff in my life. If his column is to be believed, Margate is about to be transformed into some kind of Willy Wonka wonderland, where the streets will be paved with Saatchi gold, and fifty pound notes will spew from the top of the Turner Contemporary every day for the 'ickle Margit chilren to collect. And not a mention of any destination south of Westwood Cross.

You can read it all on the excellent Margate Architecture blog, where it's been scanned and reproduced, along with, as it happens, East of the Wantsum. I don't recall giving my permission for that!

Meanwhile John Kampfner has rather more reason to celebrate in his capacity as CEO of Index on Censorship, part of the campaign group that has been fighting our archaic and draconian libel laws. The ConDems announced today that they will review our ridiculous statutes, which have made us the laughing stock of the world, and London the centre of international libel tourism.

So, if all goes well, in a couple of years time, I may be able to tell you what really happened with Euroferries!

Toilet Humour

Reader Mick writes:

Dear Richard,

As an avid reader of your snippets of gossip from Ramsgate and the Island's high society I have heard that you are seeking objects for exhibition in your latest philanthropic enterprise, the Anthea Turner Contemporary.

May I suggest the attached which has the advantage of already being on the Island and therefore will involve no great transportation costs in moving it to the Turner bunker. Entitled 'You can never be taken short' the exhibit brings together a pure white symmetry with a simple rustic appeal with nature and a crafted sculpture in virgin concrete, which is a delight to behold.

The creator of this brillant work is unknown, but could be Tracey Enim or the famed Belgian Oneloo Haartsdunteck. The work is valued at over £1,000,000 by some of the Isle's leading art connoisseurs. However I'm making the photo available at no cost for exhibition in the gallery adjacent to the loos in the new centre. It will undoubtedly be the centre of attention.

Kind regards, Mick

Well Mick, I'll certainly give it pride of place. It'll make a, er, convenient companion for my Rodin 'Thinker'...

And Duchamp 'Fountain'!

East Of The Wantsum

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it). Three jokes in one represents superb value for (no) money, methinks! Although I don't expect the middle frame has done my chances of getting the press officer's job at the Anthea Turner Contemporary much good.

Whilst I'm at it, I must take umbrage with my fellow (paid) contributor to the Isle of Thanet Gazunder, lovely columnist Jane Wenham-Jones. In this week's jottings on boarded up shops in Boredstares high street she writes: 'As for the ravages of the economic climate, count yourselves lucky good fellow residents of Broadstairs – have you walked along the high streets of Margate or Ramsgate lately?'

Actually I think you'll find there are more quality retail outlets opening here in the Cannes of Kent than in the twee environs of the Dickensians' Playground, luv. Still, don't lose heart. I expect there'll always be room over on the east side for another shop selling hair products or personalised number plates. The builders and their WAGs can't get enough of them!

Turner Staffing Costs Up 80%

Oops! Wrong Turner there. Er, where was I? Oh yes. Kent County Council have approved a plan to increase annual staffing costs at Margate's Turner Contemporary by a whopping 80%! The proposal, drawn up by TC director Victoria Pomery, got the rubber stamp a few weeks ago, although it doesn't appear to have been widely reported.

Of course, the increase (from £427,000 a year to £759,000) takes into account the fact that more staff will be needed once the thing opens next year. In fact Vicky has drawn up an entire new staffing structure which, whilst it 'isn't budget driven, must be affordable'. Well that's nice to know, seeing as it's our money they're spending. The new structure means that everyone who currently works there, including La Pomery, will have their jobs put up for grabs. What's the betting that Thanet's great unwashed don't get a look-in?

Meanwhile the TC types have just started offering founder memberships 'with special access to exhibitions and events' at a cool £5K a pop. Needless to say, Her Eminence has membership card 001. Although the Turner website doesn't specify whether she actually coughed up the 5,000 smackers for it!

And meanwhile meanwhile, the Margate Renewal Partnership has been spamming the local medja today urging everyone to vote for Margate in that great, er, American company Cadbury's Great British Beach competition. So in tune are Kraftbury's with the British seaside that they've spelled 'Bournemouth' 'Bournmouth'.

Anyhow, if you feel like it do pop over to the Bourneville Blighters' website (complete with banner tugging teeny-tiny plane) and cast your vote and/or aspersions!

Update: Clearly MRP's tactic of stuffing the ballot box is working. I've just been over there to vote (for 'Bournmouth' as Ramsgate wasn't on the list) and out of 1,315 votes so far cast, Margate is miles ahead with a whopping 28%. Tresco in the Scilly Isles is trailing in second with 13%. Did I hear anyone shout 'Fix!'?

Update update: Margate came fourth in the end, behind Rhossili Bay, Tresco and Blackpool. Click here for more.

Click here to download new Turner staffing costs on KCC website
Click here to become a founder member on TC website

Turner Centre - Latest Pics

If, like me, you don't get to Margate much these days, you, like me, will be surprised how quickly they're getting on with the Anthea Turner Centre! One of my few remaining chums north of Winterstoke Crescent has just sent me these photos he took over the weekend:





Actually, that's given me an idea. Last week I let you scrawl all over the Pleasurama hoarding. How about this week we scrawl all over the Turner hoarding? Given the revelation that a 'very senior' Thanet Council apparatchik believes anyone who thinks the Turnip's a bad idea is an 'arsehole' (his words not mine), how about this to redress the balance:

Blogger Forces Resignation Of 'Nazi' Council

I'm indebted to reader Joshua for pointing the old Eastcliff eyeball in the direction of a story that appeared on the BBC News website yesterday. Apparently 11 out of the 15 councillors in Somerton, Somerset have cashed in their chips following a campaign by a local blogger. According to the Beeb:

On his Muck&Brass blog Niall Connolly called members 'jackasses' and said a leaflet was 'like a Nazi call to arms'... He added that he had been trying to 'bring attention to the local problems in Somerton concerning Somerton Town Council.'

The council will have to hold new elections as there are now too few councillors to make official decisions.

Hurrah! If only the Thanet Reich would take their cue from Somerton! After all, here on the island's premier blog I've been banging on about their incompetence and corruption for years. I've stopped short of labelling them 'Nazis' though. Perhaps that's where I've been going wrong. But then, there's nothing especially Nazi about them. Unless you count the rather blocky design for the Turnip Centre, which looks as if it may have been inspired by Hitler's architect Albert Speer (see photo above). No wonder the locals are now referring to it as 'Das Kunstbunker'!

Click here to read full story on BBC News website
Click here to go to Muck&Brass blog

KCC Win £6m Back Over Turner Cock-Up

Good news for supporters of Margate's Kunstbunker which is currently rising up on the Rendezvous site. Kent County Council have won £6m back from the architects of Turner Center Mark I, which was going to be built in the North Sea as an extension to the harbour arm (or pier as it used to be called until about a year ago).

According to the magazine New Civil Engineer, Norwegian architects Snohetta, cost consultant Davis Langdon and consultant Ramboll have agreed to pay the council the £6m inclusive of interest and costs it spent on the project that was abandoned in February 2006.

Now all KCC have to do is get our £50m back from Iceland! And more good Margate-related news the delightful Fiona Sherriff, proprietor of the Harbour Arm/Pier thingy, has emailed me to say she is putting on those lovely old folkers Fairport Convention at the Theatre Royal next January. They were a big draw when they played at Margate's Westcoast Bar in May, and Fiona says she is also working on getting a 'special act' to support them. The gig is on 30 January, and tickets are available from the box office on 0845 130 1786. Sxx.

Turnip Growing

Having been put in charge of thumb twiddling this week (with special responsibility for arse scratching), I thought I'd don my CelebProtect™ Kevlar stab vest and point my immensely powerful motorcycle and commensurately miniscule dangly bits in the direction of the Smoke (Margate) yesterday evening.

The Anthea Turner Centre, due to open in 2010 or 2011 depending on which statement by that ruddy faced man from KCC you believe, is already beginning to dominate the skyline, serving as a beacon of hope for Bentley loving architects, builders, developers of luxury apartments and arts consultants for miles around. That said, it really is quite impressive. Although the inhabitants of the 5 star Fort Road Hotel and Arcadian gated development opposite look set to be robbed of their sea views. And future visitors might well be put out by the trundlings of Margate's Thunderbirds-style lifeboat which will still have to go past the front of the gallery to launch.

There's only hoarding to see from the pointlessly de-dualled Fart Hill, but if you sneak round the front, as I did, you get a much better view:


Cleary the place is going to be well-appointed for khazis with all this pipework they're putting in:

Let's hope the millions of visitors they predict spend more than just a penny!

Art Attack

No, that really is a brand of kitchen roll. Click here if you don't believe me.

Any old hoo, that's not the point. My spies over in mARgaTe™ report some dischord in the rarified world of arts regen. Apparently, just like Mr Brawny there, the Turnip is sucking up all the good funding juices, leaving very little behind for the minnows. I've already reported the trouble at t'IOTA gallery, who are rumoured to be exiting the new super-duperised harbour arm due to a contretemps with the developer and a grant drought. Now I hear that the Substation space off the Lower High Street is finding it difficult to come by the folding. Not only that, but they were also apparently approached by the Turnip to use their space for three months - gratis! What a diabolical liberty!

No wonder the Margate wags have renamed the Turnip's latest exhibition Superabundant Funding!

Click here to go to Superabundant exhibition on Turnip website
Click here to read review of Superabundant on Independent website

Local Artists Need Not Apply

Those of you who are interested may wish to count the number of local artists pictured at this morning's sod-breaking ceremony over at the Turnip Centre site. (Here's a clue - 0).

Click here for pics of sod-breaking on 'Popular but beseiged™'
Click here for full story in Thanet Extra

Turnip Dig Set For Next Tuesday

After decades of bickering, false starts and millions of taxpayers' wonga wasted, construction of Margate's putative Turnip Centre on the Rendezvous car park site is set to begin next week. The first sod is due to be turned on Tuesday by some sod from the council, with the gallery expected to open in 2010/11/12 etc. (take your pick).

Perhaps it would also be fitting to hold a two minute silence during the ceremony to commemorate all those businesses that have set up and subsequently failed in the Arsonists' Playground on the back of broken promises from shyster, Bentley driving architects, engineers, councillors and sundry political duffers who, far from leading mARgaTe™ into a bright new, arty-farty future, have blighted the place for the best part of 15 years with their bullshit.

As for Tuesday's dig, I suspect that, like me, you'll believe it when you see it.

Click here to read full story on Teletext website

Soup To Nuts

Dining with a celebrity chum at one of London's more fashionable restaurants last night, I couldn't help but notice that one of the salons had been reserved for an inaugural dinner attended by the recently appointed Anthea Turner Centre bigwigs. After they left, I managed to sneak in and snaffle one of the menus. Here's what Gordon had cooked up for them:

STARTER
Half-Cockaleekie Soup

MAIN COURSES
Carpetbagger Steak
Minted Burghers
Coq-Up Au Vin
Lily Liver And Onions
Porky Pies
Pizza Vettriano

All served with:

Monster Mash
Half-Baked Beans
Walpole Salad

DESSERTS
Fruitcakes
Junket
Multi-Storey Parkin

FRUIT AND CHEESE PLATTER
Tracey Ementhal
Hard Cheddar
Sour Grapes
Assorted Nuts
Crackers

Coffee with biscuits and a collation of sweetmeats, including:

Jammy Dodgers
Millionaires Shortbread
Kentish Fudge
Humbugs
Margate Cinder Toffee

Yum!

Top Thanetians Turn Turner Trustees

By Isle of Thanet Gazunder Arts Correspondent Dwight L. E. Fant

Three fab Thanet funsters are among the top knobs appointed to put the ART in mARgaTe this week! The news follows the announcement of the board of trustees for the town's futuristic Turner Contemporary gallery, due to open in 2010/11/12/13 etc etc. (Get on with it - Ed.) Here they tell the Gazunder about themselves, and their hopes for the gallery.

Colonel Sir Richard 'Bogey' Green. Following a successful career in the Boer War, Sir Richard was Chairman of Allied Washers until he retired to Thanet in 1948. He regards himself as a traditionalist when it comes to art. 'I don't like that modern crap,' he told the Gazunder. 'The wife is a fan of that Vettriano bugger though.' Sir Richard is 136.

Brittany Barker. As if being an artist and single mum to 33 little 'uns wasn't enough of a challenge, Brittany's now set her beady eyes on the Turner. 'I've got a bone to pick with all these knockers,' she says. 'It's all about standards, and I'm going to make sure they put as many lamp standards around the gallery as possible.' Brittany is 19.

Barry Nutter. Local musician Barry is well known on the Thanet pub scene, where he's a familiar sight fronting his band The Barrytones. 'I think it's great,' says Barry. 'It's about time they did up the Winter Gardens, and I'm going to be the first to bring the house down when it reopens with my new rock'n'roll opera Barry Nutter Goes Bloody Nuts!' Barry is 67.

(That's enough trustees - Ed.)

Regen Gallery Costs Council £17m+

I'm indebted to regular contributor Millicent for winkling out a news item about a regeneration project in West Bromwich, based on an art gallery, which on the face of it seems to have gone horribly wrong.

The Public in West Bromwich opened recently, three years late and £20m over budget. The centre has attracted very few visitors, with one concert drawing an audience of just 17 people. Despite the Arts Council coughing up £30m for the project, the local council has now been forced to donate a further £3m on top of the £500,000 a year it already contributes to the running costs and the £14m it paid out in the first place. A new architect had to be appointed during construction when the first went bust, but the whole thing still had to be put into administration in 2006 and only threw open the doors six weeks ago. According to the article:

A local newspaper counted 12 people walking into the centre during a quarter-hour period at Friday lunchtime. Five went straight through and out the other side; three were contractors; two went in to use the toilet and two sat down for a tea.

Sound familiar? Well before you get all hot and steamy under the proverbial, the story was in the dreaded Daily Mail, which is not a paper known for its, er, appreciation of the arts. Nonetheless I have to say it sent a bit of a shudder down my spine!

Click here to read full story in the Daily Mail. And don't forget to wash your eyes out with soap afterwards.

Drivers Wanted For Kampfner Van

The lads at the Turner Contemporary are advertising for trustees so I thought I'd be after applying. Any fecker can go in for it yer don't have to be some arty-farty type. I thought I'd be a shoo-in for the place as I could spend a couple of minutes having a good old pray every day to see if Our Lord would inter-feckin-vene to stop it turning into a feckin great white elephant.

Journalist John Kampfner is yer man in charge, he says in the application pack:

I am looking to build a team of up to a dozen energetic and experienced people, each with different expertise, to be part of this challenge. The showcase is the new gallery in Margate, designed by award-winning architects David Chipperfield Ltd. Construction is scheduled to begin this autumn, and I hope the first meeting of the board will roughly coincide with the ground-breaking of the site. This will be a major moment, for Margate, for Kent and for the arts in Britain. This will be the biggest gallery in the south-east of England outside London, and is scheduled to open to the public in early 2011.

If you relish a challenge and share Turner Contemporary’s artistic, educational and social vision, I would be delighted to hear from you.

The closing date is 3 September so you'd better be moving yer arses. Anyone who has an unspent conviction for an offence involving deception or dishonesty is barred from applying so that rules out most of the eejits in the feckin council.

Click here for more feckin details on Turner Contemporary website

From Little SEEDAs Big Turnips Grow

Breaking news! The final tranche of funding for Margate's putative Turnip Centre has been confirmed! Hurrah! Or 'Boo!', depending on how you feel about the project.

Anyhoo, thanks to one of my regular contributors I have in my sweaty mits today's press release announcing that £8.1m of funding will be guaranteed by the Arts Council and SEEDA, the South East England Development Agency. Among all the self-congratulating and back-slapping is this gem from our Sandy:

This news is fantastic as Turner Contemporary will be a landmark building and one that will help with Margate’s economic regeneration. The council are working hard to regenerate Margate's old town and it is being transformed into a vibrant new cultural quarter. Much of that work has been because of the prospect of Turner Contemporary, which shows the impact it is already having on Margate and the town's regeneration.

As well as confirming that there will be works by the great Turnip painter himself exhibited in the gallery, the PR wallahs have, as you can see, appended a brand new artist's impression of the place to their statement. Although they'll be wanting a few more people to visit than that, surely, if the old town is to be transformed into 'a vibrant new cultural quarter'!