Signs Of The Times

Apologies, ECR fans, for the lengthy lacuna!

I've been having such good fun working with my new best chum Clive Anderson that time has fairly whizzed by!!! Then, of course, there was all the kerfuffle at Dreamland yesterday. Following that I fell in with Antiques Roadshow expert Mark Stacey, and we both decided to take a snoop around Albion House here in Ramsgate, which was open to all-comers today as part of the lovely Emma Irvine's initiative to turn it into a boutique hotel by next June!

Phew! It's a hard life being a sleb!!!!!

Any-old-hoo, poking around Albion House, where, as we know, the young Queen Victoria used to hang her bloomers out on the balcony to dry during her summer hols, I couldn't help noticing that there was still some evidence of its more recent incarnation as council offices. If you've ever wondered why the duffer at the end of the line doesn't appear to be taking your call about that dodgy lamp post very seriously, wonder no more!

And speaking of the Highways Department, here are some other signs I've spied in my recent travels around the Millionaire's Playground:

I particularly like the full stop after 'NO'. And the miniscule 'K' as a half-arsed attempt at rectifying the typo!

The next is pretty self-explanatory:

And it appears to have worked! Hurrah!!!

Five Years To Spend A Penny

Nope, nothing to do with the closure of public conveniences. But, I suppose, you could characterise it as an extreme case of civic constipation.

This sorry saga relates to the inability of Kent County Council to make a minor alteration to a confusing road sign that has been responsible for causing thousands of pounds worth of damage over the last few years. I'll let reader Samantha take up the tale...

I see Kent Highways have finally altered a sign on Victoria Promenade in Ramsgate that I have been complaining about for five years now, with responses ranging from indolence and indifference, to the downright insulting. At one point I was told changing the sign was unfeasible as they would have to commission an entirely new sign at a cost of thousands of pounds! 

But miraculously, here's how the sign looked when I popped out to the shops today:

And here's how it looked during the previous five years I was complaining about it:

To the untutored eye, there's not a lot of change. But the addition of approximately a penny's worth of gaffer tape to the bottom of the arrow directing traffic to London, Canterbury, Dover etc means that lorries and coaches from out of town will no longer be turning up D'Este Road, the narrow back street which the sign is on the corner of, and that my car and those of my neighbours will no longer be subjected to regular damage when they get stuck at the T junction with Truro Road, like this:

I would say 'thank you' to KCC, but after five years of faffing around to find six inches of tape, I'm inclined not to.

Neither would I be, Samantha! Kuh!

RoRo Your Boats

Reader Scott writes:

ECR - I was taking the dog for a walk on the West Cliff this morning and spotted both the TEF Larkspur and the new LD/TEF Ostend Spirit in port. I thought you might like this snap I took with my mobile phone. Keep up the good work. Scott.

Thanks Scott. As you can see, the Ostend Spirit in the background dwarfs the Larkspur. But both are put in the shade by our beloved council's Great Wheelie Bin Pile, which you can just see the tip of in the foreground.

Hopefully the port and the town will be busy over the forthcoming Easter break, although if the state of the Thanet Way is anything to go by most motorists will probably give up around Whitstable. Why it required resurfacing, lord knows. Perhaps some public sector accountant's spreadsheet needed balancing before the financial year end.

Anyway, it's yet another planning triumph for Kent Highways, the people who have so far blocked off Boredstares shopping streets for a total of one whole year since 2005!

It's It's A Pothole Blitz!

I see that ruddy-faced man from Kent County Council has announced a 'pothole repair blitz'. Tory leader Paul Carter declared 'an army of road maintenance crews' will be mobilised to tackle the county's crumbling roads.

Two points here. The first is that whenever Paul Carter talks about 'Kent', he is invariably referring to an area within a ten mile radius of Maidstone. I don't know about you, but it's barely possible to drive more than a few yards in Thanet without the jalopy jiggling around like an old nana's knockers at a Graham Norton taping.

Secondly, I rather thought the word 'blitz' referred to what the Germans did to Blighty in WWII. There are still gaping great holes on the island where the Teutons carried out urban regeneration by carpet bombing. Exactly the opposite of a repair job, in fact. 70 years on and they still haven't been, er, filled in. Still, that's Cllr Carter for you. Always putting his foot in his pothole!

Click here to read about KCC's 'pothole blitz' on BBC News website

Narrowstairs

Having only recently made the Dickensians' teeny-tiny streets even teenier and tinier, from tomorrow Kent Highways will again be narrowing the arteries of Broadstairs, presumably in an attempt to ensure that nothing wider than Victoria Beckham can get through the town.

A year ago they put two proposals forward for public consultation, both of which were rejected. My spies with the curly moustaches and Victorian bathing costumes tell me that Kent County Council feel there were 'elements' of both proposals which 'some' people wanted, so that's what they're going to get. Even though the majority didn't particularly want any of it. Ah... Kentish democracy in action!

By tilting the old Eastcliff cranium 90 degrees, I was able to establish that the roadworks will be ongoing for xx 4 weeks. Just in time to bugger up Easter then! And if the time it took to improve Margate's Lower High Street is anything to go by, I should imagine it'll be buggering up Easter 2010 too!

Tories To Turn The Lights Out

Vive la difference! The team and I have now washed up in Quebec City... and I must say it's a place I could learn to like if I wasn't being accompanied by a knob of a director, a neurotic production co-ordinator, a dyslexic presenter and a camera crew whose brains appear to be primarily located in the trouser area. Hey-ho.

Still, a big, ECR 'mwah!' to everyone back on the Ile de Thanet for keeping me in touch via email. This latest missive from reader Carol seems to prove once again that the Ruddy-Faced Man in charge of Kent County Council has a limited knowledge of geography east of the Medway:

Hi ECR!

Hope you are enjoying your trip around Canada. I was watching the local BBC News at lunchtime when your favourite Tory politician Paul Carter was on talking about his plan to turn out the street lights at night around the county to save money.

As an example of where this ridiculous plan might be implemented he mentioned the Thanet Way which he said went from 'Whitstable to the airport at Manston'. Talk about a one track mind. Does he not realise there are 130,000 people living in Margate, Ramsgate and Broadstairs and only about 100 people connected to his hobby-horse airport?

I often have to come back from town at night and personally think this crackpot idea would be exceedingly dangerous.

Well Carol, I think I'd have to agree with you there. But after January's serious accident on the A299, which appeared to have been caused by KCC failing to grit the road, do you honestly imagine the Tories in Maidstone give a tuppenny stuff about anyone in the tip of Kent?

Posted from Quebec via iPhone

Winter Draws On

Brrrr! With temperatures forecast to plummet below minus 30 here in the tip of Kent through the weekend and beyond, I'm glad I installed that new Sinegorsk heating system here at the old cliff top mansion. And I'll be keeping an eye on my elderly neighbour Doris during the cold snap. Although she recently took delivery of half a dozen polar bear vests from Iceland, so she should be OK.

If a bankrupt country can provide warm clothes for Britain's oldies, let's hope Kent Council can spare a few coppers and show some grit this time after their woeful neglect of the Thanet Way in the last icy spell. Or did KCC lose its shirt, sweater, thermal Reg Grundies and 50m quid of our taxpayers' lolly in, er, Iceland?

Click here for Iceland story on AP

Update: Noon on Sunday 1 Feb and it's snowing here in Ramsgate!

Grit Truth

Crumbs! I see the row over whether the duffers at Kent Highways did or did not grit the A299 Thanet Way on Wednesday morning rumbles on. If you recall, there were eight separate crashes involving more than 10 different vehicles, including an ambulance, on the coldest morning of the year so far. Sadly one driver lost his life. Eyewitnesses reported skidding, and the cops sealed the road off saying they weren't going to open it until KFC got out there with the salty stuff. Meanwhile the M2, which comes under the auspices of the national Highways Agency, saw no such problems.

Now Gazunder reader Lee has commented on the paper's website:

While I agree drivers need to drive carefully in bad conditions (I was involved in one of the accidents, and I thought I was driving safely!), I feel that Kent County Council must take some blame. Keith Ferrin of KCC has contradicted Phil Scrivener (Kent Highways spokesman) and admitted that the Thanet Way was not actually gritted in the early hours of Wednesday morning. One policeman I spoke to was astonished that many roads were not gritted especially as emergency vehicles were also involved in collisions due to ice on the road.

Yet so far no calls from any politician near or far for an investigation into what went wrong. Just the sound of salt blowing in the wind!

Click here to read full story on Gazunder website

Braking News

According to Kent Online, there were no fewer than eight separate accidents on the Thanet Way this morning, one of which tragically resulted in a fatality. The cops have told people in the area 'not to even try getting onto the Thanet Way'.

Rather tellingly the report adds that Kent's finest ordered Kent Highways to grit the dual carriageway following the accidents, although that didn't happen until 9.40am. So was the road gritted last night, the coldest night of the year so far (and widely predicted as such)? I think we should be told.

Meanwhile KCC have announced the average council tax bill this year will be above four figures. The Tory council's ruddy-faced leader claims front line services (like gritting, perhaps?) will be protected, but makes no mention of savings that could be made, such as the £2m spent on Kent TV, the £6m on pointless spin, and £50m poured into dodgy Icelandic banks!

Click here to read Thanet Way story on Kent Online
Click here to read council tax story on Kent Online

Update: According to the Gazunder's website, Kent County Council's district highway spokesman Phil Scrivener said: 'The road would have been salted.' Presumably what Phil means there is that the road would have been salted, if Kent Highways had salted it.

We're On The Road To Nowhere

Holy cartography! Preparing the old Priapus for a drive up the smoke yesterday, I thought I'd check the Highways Agency traffic info website for delays on the M2.

However I was rather shocked, on closer inspection, to discover that our very own, super-duper A299 doesn't get a guernsey. After all, it can't be that long since they spent squillions on dualling the Thanet Way, in preparation for the hoards of tourists using our lovely port and marina here in the Millionaires' Playground. What's worse is the A249, which goes to the Isle of Sheppey and can therefore, I presume, only be used by people with two heads driving donkey carts full of turnips to their council estates, is there in glorious Technicolor!

I was so incensed at this outrage that I immediately emailed the Highways Agency to complain. This is their response:

Dear Mr Eastcliff.

Thank you for your email to the Highways Agency. The Highways Agency is responsible for the maintenance and stewardship of motorways and trunk roads in England. A trunk road is defined as a strategic link road between two centres of significant economic importance: such as cities, ports and airports.

It has been decided that the A299 does not meet the criteria above and for this reason the A299 does not fall into our area of responsibility.

Yours sincerely.

Iain Ross, HAIL Advisor, ID External Delivery Division.

Kuh! What a diabolical liberty. It's nothing short of highway robbery!

Click here to go to Highways Agency website

100 Holes In Lancaster Gardens, Birchingtonshire

Holy holes! Here's one for Kent Highways! Following an alert from the excellent FixMyStreet website, where ordinary, council tax paying mugs like you and me can report problems to our local and county councils, I see a Mr Gavin Coles has just grumbled about well over 100 'repaired' pot holes in Lancaster Gardens on the seedy north side of the island. Mr Holes continues:

The council is constantly coming back to refill these 'repairs'. It is about time that they did the decent thing by skimming and resurfacing the entire street. Either that or they should learn how to properly repair a pothole.

Too right Mr Moles! They've probably used enough tarmac to fill the Albert Hall by now!

Click here to look into Birchington's holes on FixMyStreet

Open And Shut, Then Open And Shut, Then Open And Shut Again Case

Well blow me! Just when you thought the twelve years of roadworks in Margate's Old Town were finally done and dusted, they go and dig it all up again! I'm told they put the finishing touches on the streets round there at midnight last Friday, but were back today because (I kid you not) some twonk forgot to install the speed humps. Talk about an army of duffers. Do Kent Highways give out awards for incompetence or what?!?!

Whatever the latest completion date is it'll be too late for the businesses that have gone bust waiting for the place to get back to normal. They were originally promised it would be all over by Easter. A bit like WW1 being over by Christmas, I suppose. Still, at least Sandy and Co's cafe-cultured mates will be happy with the lovely new, outdoor seating areas created by the super-duper extended pavements!

Fort Hill A Few Dollars More

Word on the Margate (soon to be half a) street is that the utterly pointless de-dualling of Fart Hill over in the Arsonists' Playground is currently something like 60 big ones over it's already considerable six figure budget. Lord knows what they've spent it on, as every time I go past there seems to be nothing happening. Still, it brings the cost of Turnip MkII ever closer to £20m. Any bets on the final figure being on the shiny side of that?

Meanwhile I see the Outfitters Gallery on the Old Town piazza (The Parade in old money) finally has a sold sign in the window. If you recall, this place was tarted up, with EU and arts funding, into a nice little seaside des res with a bit of an old gallery on the ground floor. Now it's netted its owners a tidy £415,000. Well, that was the asking price anyway. Arts regen at its best, eh!

Still, there's one recently relocated Margatonian who thinks we're all being far too negative. She writes: 'There are several blogs about Thanet and they are forums for a handful of negative people with nothing better to do than sit on their backsides and slag off anyone who seems like an appropriate target to blame for their plight. The council is a great target - like they are responsible for everything. I’ve seen the council blamed for all manner of things - not reducing business rates (actually that’s all to do with central government - dur), not doing anything with empty shops (actually isn’t that down to landlords and tenants?) and not providing jobs (actually the council are actively involved with lots of private sector collaborations to do just that.)' She adds: 'No I don’t work for the council - I just know a good one when I see one.'

Crikey! Well, she is an artist. Perhaps all that paint and glue has, er, gone to her head!

Broadstairs Can Only Go One Way

Not content with making their teeny-tiny roads ever narrower, the Dickensians now look set to introduce more bottlenecks in Boredstares. According to the BBC News website, the latest plans from Kent Highways include speed cushions, pedestrian crossings and a one-way system in the lower High Street.

Why not go the whole hog and bypass the town entirely? I'm sure they could build a new road through Stalag Culmers Land at very little cost, apart from a few veggies and, of course, the newly installed TDC palisade fencing. That way the old codgers and Crouch Enders could enjoy their seaside idyll in peace!

Click here for full story on BBC News website

Writing On The Road For Pleasurama Development

Peering over our crumbling East Cliff earlier I spied these mysterious yellow and red hieroglyphs on the car park below.

I can only assume that the Maidstone Martians have landed, and that these are preparations for the re-working of the road and car park for the benefit of the Pleasurama development, aka Royal Sands, aka Titanic. And I see they've cultivated an entire new crop of hideous Heras fencing in the process. Just what the Doctor ordered!

Thanet Loopy

Remember my trip on the buses a couple of months ago? Reader Jane has written in to report a similar experience:

The other night I heard a commotion outside the house. When I looked out of my bedroom window, yet another Thanet Loop bus had got itself stuck up the back streets behind Victoria Parade. The problem seems to be temporary drivers seconded from other areas, who, not knowing Ramsgate, turn prematurely before Victoria Road. The sign on Victoria Parade is slightly misleading and if you didn't know the area you might think it points up D'Este Road.

I had plenty of time to get my camera, so appropriately enough I turned the photos into this loop. Now I know how my car got mysteriously damaged a few months ago!

Well Jane, I'm not sure if we can put all criminal damage in the area down to the Thanet Loop, but clearer signs might be a good idea. Turn very tight, please!

Drain Brain

I spotted those splendid chaps from Kent Highways this morning as I pottered down to the newsagents for my copy of Bliss For Brides (romance is in the air here at the CTM - see previous post).

It was only on Saturday that I posted my concerns about blocked drains here on Ramsgate's swinging East Cliff on that FixMyStreet site. And here they are clearing them with their de-bungeriser. Almost as prompt as sending up the Bat Signal! Well done the Kent Highwaysmen!

Update: On closer inspection I may have to take all that back. The drains I reported blocked are still, er, blocked. Maybe they've had to go back to the depot and empty their de-bungeriser. I'll keep you posted on these exciting developments as and when they happen!

Bussed Up

When you're a celebrity, like me, you don't take public transport. The hoards of fans and autograph hunters are just too much to bear. I have noticed, however, that we're pretty well served for public transport here on the Ile de Thanet, and have often wondered what it would be like to travel on the Thanet Loop. Well last night I got my chance.

Meandering along the grimy back streets behind our beautiful East Cliff in search of a late night bottle of Chardonnay, I came across a single decker bus attempting to negotiate the junction of D'Este Road and Truro Road. I wasn't aware that this was a normal route for this service, and it soon transpired that the driver wasn't aware of the normal route either. He had become wedged between the cars parked on all sides of this narrow junction, and was stuck.

Quick as a flash he leapt out of his bus and beckoned me over. 'I was on my way back to the depot and took the wrong turn, Can you help? You'll have to get up the back and give me directions.' As the vehicle was empty, I was happy to oblige. Which was how I got a free ride, in reverse, all the way to Victoria Parade, a distance of at least 50 yards.

Well, as they say on their buses, you'd be loopy not to, wouldn't you?

Update: As some of you have pointed out, the entire episode was rather reminiscent of this:

Pile-Up On Victoria Parade

Another scoop for ECR! Regular reader Samantha has just emailed me these photos. She writes:

The East Cliff in Ramsgate came to a stand still this morning following a collision between two cars at the junction of Victoria Parade and Victoria Road. I had my small digital camera on me and took these photographs. An officious little man in an NHS hi-vis came up to me and told me it was 'illegal' to take photos, quoting 'patient confidentiality'. I told him I was perfectly within my rights as I was standing on the public footpath, at which point he got onto his mobile saying 'I'm going to have to call my controller'.

Sounds like utter tosh to me, Samantha. So, here are the pictures they tried to ban!



On a serious note, you have to wonder whether our local caff-crushing, car-crushing councillor Dave Green's new safety bollards are working along this stretch of road. Cars still have to edge out of the side roads onto Victoria Parade before they can see what's coming. I'd hesitate to suggest traffic lights at this junction, though, as that would just turn all the side streets into rat runs.