Now that The Mayor and I are on cordial speaking terms, it's time for a spot of mutual admiration.
I must say, I thoroughly approve of his plan to chain himself, like a kind of muncipal David Blaine, to Albion House as a way of stopping the developers' bulldozers. If he can give me enough notice, I'll try and get some of my TV pals to come down to Ramsgate and cover it.
Now all we need is a nickname, something that will catch on with the red tops. Steve 'Mental' Ward, The Crazy Campaigning Councillor, perhaps?
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Carnival Knowledge
A kind of rhythmic pounding, accompanied by lots of shouting and waving, and a ringing in the ears, if the parade that's just passed the CTM is anything to go by.
What a hoot! And my erstwhile critic, The Mayor, even returned my cheery 'hello'! Ah, accepted into Ramsgate society at last!
What a hoot! And my erstwhile critic, The Mayor, even returned my cheery 'hello'! Ah, accepted into Ramsgate society at last!
Manston: Can We Have Bombs Too, Please?
As you know, I'm not much of a one for politics, but it's come to my attention that the Septics are using Glasgow Prestwick Airport as a staging post for shipping bombs to the Middle East.
As Glasgow Prestwick is run by those nice people Infartil, who also run our local Manston Kent London Ramsgate International Airport, and as our council tax has gone some way to propping them up, I think it's only fair that our local economy should also benefit from this lucrative business.
And after all, we've got to be closer to the Middle East than Glasgow, surely?
As Glasgow Prestwick is run by those nice people Infartil, who also run our local Manston Kent London Ramsgate International Airport, and as our council tax has gone some way to propping them up, I think it's only fair that our local economy should also benefit from this lucrative business.
And after all, we've got to be closer to the Middle East than Glasgow, surely?
A Bang And A Wimple
Another splendid event down on the front last night, albeit that some of the millionaires there seemed more interested in the turps than Terpsichore. Mind you, most of the time I seemed to be standing next to a holy sister in civvies whose idea of going a bit wild was to take another sip from her bottle of Volvic.
Nuntheless I did, as promised on the flyer, find myself transported to Columbia by the latino rhythm, totally unaided by any of that white powder so many of my showbiz colleagues seem to require to transport themselves further than their front room.
And I've woken up this morning as fresh as a daisy, with only a slight punny feeling marring my otherwise harmonious equilibrium.
Hats off to everyone at the Eastcliff Richpeople's Association for putting on such a splendid bash!
Nuntheless I did, as promised on the flyer, find myself transported to Columbia by the latino rhythm, totally unaided by any of that white powder so many of my showbiz colleagues seem to require to transport themselves further than their front room.
And I've woken up this morning as fresh as a daisy, with only a slight punny feeling marring my otherwise harmonious equilibrium.
Hats off to everyone at the Eastcliff Richpeople's Association for putting on such a splendid bash!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Slow Boat To Margate
I see a German fellow has just been jailed for attempting to offload a catamaran full of illegal Chinese immigrants in Margate Harbour.
I'd be the first to condemn this sort of thing. Apparently the scumbag was charging these poor people 3,000 smackeroons apiece for the trip. And, of course, he neglected to tell them that there's a whole load more regeneration going on in China than there is in Margate. Far from bringing his human cargo to a promised land where they could savour the sweet smell of success, in actuality he was shipping them to a destination which features nothing but the foul stench of failure.
But you have to admire his ingenuity. I mean, when was the last time any sort of boat attempted to moor in the Arsonists' Playground? I wasn't aware the 'harbour' there actually contained any 'water' at all these days. Had he, in teutonically meticulous fashion, fitted wheels to his catamaran, thus inventing the caravanamaran?
I think we should be told.
I'd be the first to condemn this sort of thing. Apparently the scumbag was charging these poor people 3,000 smackeroons apiece for the trip. And, of course, he neglected to tell them that there's a whole load more regeneration going on in China than there is in Margate. Far from bringing his human cargo to a promised land where they could savour the sweet smell of success, in actuality he was shipping them to a destination which features nothing but the foul stench of failure.
But you have to admire his ingenuity. I mean, when was the last time any sort of boat attempted to moor in the Arsonists' Playground? I wasn't aware the 'harbour' there actually contained any 'water' at all these days. Had he, in teutonically meticulous fashion, fitted wheels to his catamaran, thus inventing the caravanamaran?
I think we should be told.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Going Through The Motions
Intrigued by my glimpse of Boredstares last night, and having a Victorian bathing costume handy, I thought I'd toddle over to Viking Bay for a dip this afternoon.
I wonder what that brown froth that floats on the surface of the water over there consists of? Nadgers Old Wobbly? Shredded pig bladders? Ground up txun-txuns, perhaps?
I wonder what that brown froth that floats on the surface of the water over there consists of? Nadgers Old Wobbly? Shredded pig bladders? Ground up txun-txuns, perhaps?
Strike A Light!
An urgent mission to borrow a Victorian bathing costume last night brought me my first nocturnal glimpse of the new Boredstares Illuminations.
Cripes! I thought all those killjoys who've been writing to the local papers complaining they were garish must have been exaggerating, but not a bit of it. I wouldn't be surprised if they invite Jimmy Cricket to turn them on next year, and make mushy peas compulsory in all the town's restaurants. What next? A small, but perfectly formed effigy of the Eiffel Tower on Preacher's Knoll?
Still, at least we now know who nicked all the pretty bulbs from our harbour arches here in the Millionaires' Playground.
Cripes! I thought all those killjoys who've been writing to the local papers complaining they were garish must have been exaggerating, but not a bit of it. I wouldn't be surprised if they invite Jimmy Cricket to turn them on next year, and make mushy peas compulsory in all the town's restaurants. What next? A small, but perfectly formed effigy of the Eiffel Tower on Preacher's Knoll?
Still, at least we now know who nicked all the pretty bulbs from our harbour arches here in the Millionaires' Playground.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Clowns Chosen For Turnip Centre
I see the powers that be have appointed those nice circus people David Chipperfield to design the new, new Anthea Turner Centre over in Arsongate.
Now that the gallery-cum-car park has been re-positioned 'onshore', I don't suppose it matters too much that everything will be housed in a large tent. Plus it'll give the ball jugglers at Margate police station somewhere nice and handy to practice their dark arts.
By the way, call me cynical and nitpicking, but when the old, new Turnip Centre was canned back in February, I thought that man with the ruddy face from Kent County Council said there would be a cost ceiling of £12m on the new, new centre, which would open in 2008. Now a figure of £15m is being bandied about, and an opening date of 2009.
Oh well, you've got to allow a few million for 'mission creep', I suppose.
Now that the gallery-cum-car park has been re-positioned 'onshore', I don't suppose it matters too much that everything will be housed in a large tent. Plus it'll give the ball jugglers at Margate police station somewhere nice and handy to practice their dark arts.
By the way, call me cynical and nitpicking, but when the old, new Turnip Centre was canned back in February, I thought that man with the ruddy face from Kent County Council said there would be a cost ceiling of £12m on the new, new centre, which would open in 2008. Now a figure of £15m is being bandied about, and an opening date of 2009.
Oh well, you've got to allow a few million for 'mission creep', I suppose.
Caption Competition - That's Enough Captions
Thanks for all the captions. I think we've had all we're going to get, especially given the sweltering nature of the weather, and the fact that everyone's gone to the beach.
All the comments were to a very high standard, I thought, but the one that tickled me most was Dane Valley Ted's: "And may I thank Victoria Beckham for extending the hand of friendship to the people of Thanet."
So if DVT, or The Hairy Branflake as he's known in these parts, would care to email me at eastcliffrichard@yahoo.co.uk with the address of his static caravan (I believe he's from Margate), I'll arrange for a bottle of bubbly to be delivered toute de suite.
And if anyone else has any candid shots of our local twitterati, do pop them on an email to me so that they too can be mocked mercilessly.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Bristol Scream
Just back from an awayday in Bristol, filming an insert about vasectomies for the hum-ti-tum-a-thon. I'm afraid that the line: "Wearing tight underpants day and night for a week will help reduce the swelling" had me and the entire crew in, er, stitches, so to speak, so the whole thing took quite a bit longer than expected.
By the way, I'm very impressed with the standard of entries in my Sandy Beach Caption Comp (see below), keep them coming! I'm surprised, though, that no-one has yet come up with a line that includes the word 'rug'.
By the way, I'm very impressed with the standard of entries in my Sandy Beach Caption Comp (see below), keep them coming! I'm surprised, though, that no-one has yet come up with a line that includes the word 'rug'.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Caption Competition
One of my readers spotted our ruggedly handsome local council leader Sandy Beach out and about recently.
Preparing to step up to the microphone to deliver one of his gripping, four hour speeches, our Sandy has clearly received body language training from the John Wayne/Tony B/George W school of 'power standing'.
In my usual spirit of overwhelming generosity, I'm offering a bottle of bubbly from my own cellar (Waitrose) for the reader who, in the opinion of the judges (me) comes up with the best caption by the end of the week. Please limit your contributions to mocking jocularity, tempered with biting sarcasm.
To get you started, I've come up with this:
"And so, without further ado, I declare this Turner Centre... bollocks, wrong speech...
"And so, without further ado, I declare this newly revitalised amusement park... bollocks, bollocks...
"And so, without further ado, I declare this..." etc. etc.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Your Cut-Out-And-Keep ECR Guide To Davros-Style Undercarriages
Many of the locals on the Ile de Thanet appear to be propelled by means of Davros-style undercarriages (see ECR passim). Some of them can be quite nippy, and I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time before Jeremy Clarkson is endorsing them during commercial breaks on The History Channel.
Having undertaken some research into the subject on behalf of my aged Uncle Ralph, who has himself recently expressed a desire to career around Tescos like a whippet on amphetamines, here's my guide to the choice on offer:
'The Blair' - highly manoeuverable in both forward and reverse, will go anywhere using voice activation (requires Texan accent).
'The Prescott' - leather seated luxury travel, plus squeals of delight from the kids as you engage 'bucking bronco' mode.
'The Levy' - let this little beauty 'do the honours' for you! And the price is right at only £40m!
'The Cameron' - this solar-powered version is the ultimate green choice (in blue only, with detachable hood).
'The Menzies The Merciless' - for those who want to keep a low profile, this one comes with its own Harry Potter style cloak of invisibility. Replaces previous ethanol-fuelled model.
(That's enough Davros-style undercarriages - Ed.).
Having undertaken some research into the subject on behalf of my aged Uncle Ralph, who has himself recently expressed a desire to career around Tescos like a whippet on amphetamines, here's my guide to the choice on offer:
'The Blair' - highly manoeuverable in both forward and reverse, will go anywhere using voice activation (requires Texan accent).
'The Prescott' - leather seated luxury travel, plus squeals of delight from the kids as you engage 'bucking bronco' mode.
'The Levy' - let this little beauty 'do the honours' for you! And the price is right at only £40m!
'The Cameron' - this solar-powered version is the ultimate green choice (in blue only, with detachable hood).
'The Menzies The Merciless' - for those who want to keep a low profile, this one comes with its own Harry Potter style cloak of invisibility. Replaces previous ethanol-fuelled model.
(That's enough Davros-style undercarriages - Ed.).
Nasty Comments
Like Man Eating Sausage, I seem to have come out in a nasty rash of spambot comments recently.
To save the bother of deleting them every time, I've turned on word verification. It's a bit more hassle, but it does at least offer the frisson of the random letter generator coming up with a rude word every now and then. Enjoy!
To save the bother of deleting them every time, I've turned on word verification. It's a bit more hassle, but it does at least offer the frisson of the random letter generator coming up with a rude word every now and then. Enjoy!
Wrist Watch
No time to blog over the weekend, I've been busy rehearsing for the UK's first ever Masturbate-a-thon.
When Bev, my agent, originally asked me if I'd be interested in guesting at this rather unusual charity fund raiser, I thought she was pulling my plonker. Now it turns out I'll be pulling it myself.
Still, it's all for a good cause, and in the best possible taste, and, needless to say, Channel 4 will be making a documentary about it, so there'll be a bit of exposure there, too.
So do come and join in the fun on the 5th of August. Unless you're not feeling yourself, that is.
When Bev, my agent, originally asked me if I'd be interested in guesting at this rather unusual charity fund raiser, I thought she was pulling my plonker. Now it turns out I'll be pulling it myself.
Still, it's all for a good cause, and in the best possible taste, and, needless to say, Channel 4 will be making a documentary about it, so there'll be a bit of exposure there, too.
So do come and join in the fun on the 5th of August. Unless you're not feeling yourself, that is.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thanet's Logo Is Beautiful...
...Let's Keep It That Way!
No! Let's Keep It This Way!
Er, How About If We Kept It That Way For A Bit?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
CCC The Difference
Phew! Finally managed to work out how to use this new Del Boy laptop I picked up in Canterbury yesterday. I opted for the Del Boy because, well, there are times when even millionaires ask themselves 'Why pay more?'.
Afterwards I stopped for a spot of lunch. What a charming city! Heaps of people everywhere, a street market, buskers, but not a discarded White Lightning tin or casually deposited barker's nest to be seen. And no sign of any nonsense 'Canterbury Is Beautiful' PR campaign, either.
It seems their amenities are run by a company called Serco, and a jolly splendid job they appear to be making of it, too. Perhaps, partly as a consequence, the high street was thriving, with a huge diversity of smart shops and cafes, all doing a roaring trade. I mean, it can't all be because the Archbish lives there, can it?
Sadly here on the Ile de Thanet, despite poaching a number of Richards from Canterbury, all our council can currently muster is a few banners imploring us to keep the place clean, and Sandy Beach's irregular rubbish rounds.
Afterwards I stopped for a spot of lunch. What a charming city! Heaps of people everywhere, a street market, buskers, but not a discarded White Lightning tin or casually deposited barker's nest to be seen. And no sign of any nonsense 'Canterbury Is Beautiful' PR campaign, either.
It seems their amenities are run by a company called Serco, and a jolly splendid job they appear to be making of it, too. Perhaps, partly as a consequence, the high street was thriving, with a huge diversity of smart shops and cafes, all doing a roaring trade. I mean, it can't all be because the Archbish lives there, can it?
Sadly here on the Ile de Thanet, despite poaching a number of Richards from Canterbury, all our council can currently muster is a few banners imploring us to keep the place clean, and Sandy Beach's irregular rubbish rounds.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
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