EASTCLIFF RICHARD

DFL Goes BTL

2010-09-21T11:07:00.008+01:00

by Isle of Thanet Gazunder Society Editor Mary Hinge

Celebrity blogger Richard Eastcliff has shocked the isle by moving back to London! He made the surprise announcement in an exclusive interview with the Isle of Thanet Gazunder.

Speaking candidly for the first time about his five years in Ramsgate, which he dubbed 'The Millionaires' Playground', Mr Eastcliff said: 'It really hasn't worked out. When I came here it was on the promise that Thanet was on the up. But it's all gone horribly wrong.'

Mr Eastcliff, who enjoyed fame and fortune in the TV industry with successful shows such as My Dog's a Bitch! and Celebrity Nipples before his move to the area in 2006, added that Thanet was no place for a creative genius such as himself.

'There's no media work here, and what's worse is that people don't even understand the concept. I've done the odd media job in Thanet, but nobody wants to pay for it. I'd be better off flogging double glazing or taking bungs to nod through planning permission.'

Adjusting the string holding up his trousers and sipping from a can of Stella Artois, Mr Eastcliff continued: 'Not only that, but when you tell potential employers in London that you live in Thanet, they just don't want to know. The final straw was when I pitched an idea to a commissioning editor at Channel 4 last month and she said 'Oh dear, I see you live in Margate'. Needless to say I didn't get the job.'

Pausing only to fill out a Jobseeker's Allowance form, the 29 year old added: 'I've hardly had any work in the past two years. I've also developed some expensive habits, and now I'm facing a huge bill for five years' unpaid tax, so I've got to sell the old cliff top mansion. Hopefully I'll find work in the smoke.' He explained that by 'the smoke', he meant London, not Margate.

Taking a leisurely puff on his crack pipe, the former TV Times Personality of the Year concluded: 'It's not all been bad, though. I've made some good friends down here and I'd especially like to thank Cyril my accountant, who, actually, I haven't heard from recently, Dodgy Dave for the crystal meth, Tyson my Staffordshire bull terrier, and all the staff at Thorley Taverns for those times when I've had half a dozen over the eight and they've refused not to serve me.'

Mr Eastcliff is 29.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2010-09-01T10:14:00.002+01:00

Hurrah! It's the one day of the year when I actually look forward to the postman getting a firm grip on my knocker and penetrating my brass flap with his enormous delivery so that he can empty his bulging sack all over my inner sanctum!

As usual, I'll be spending my 29th birthday today entertaining fans and family here at the old cliff top mansion. Feel free to add your birthday wishes!

Squall In The Mind

2010-08-28T11:15:00.002+01:00

Reader Richard (good name!) writes to remind me that today sees the start of Ramsgate's first ever Summer Squall festival, packed with more than firty Fannitty fun-filled frolics over the course of the bank holiday weekend and designed to put the Cannes of Kent back on the creative map where it belongs.

Dicky's photo shows artist Ben Parry's, er, sonic junk machine outside the Custom House at last night's launch. Apparently this Heath Robinson device will be floating around the town over the next three days, banging and clanging and whirring away to its electric heart's content.

Other highlights include the world's smallest solar powered cinema (seats eight) showing Thanet seaside promotional films from the 50s, 60s and 70s, the world's biggest percussion band made out of recycled old junk, a heritage treasure hunt on Monday morning, thrilling theatre at the King's Church Hall in the centre of town, and a chance to get your book published with an X Factor style writing competition at the Shirley Temple Yacht Club, also on Monday morning.

What with the weather turning up trumps, and all this stuff going on, it looks like the Millionaires' Playground is the place to be this weekend!

Click here for more details on the yourfannitinnit website
Click here to download full Summer Squall programme

Meridian News

2010-08-27T10:37:00.007+01:00

Nothing to do with dear, lovely old Fred Dinenage. No. This is the story of what flies above. Specifically the state of the cargo crates that groan in and out of Chas 'n' Dave Tracey Emin Margate Manston RAF International Airport.

If you recall, Manston regular Meridian was recently banned from our skies for failing safety and technical inspections. although you can still see their logo proudly displayed on the freight section of the airport's website. More recently another Manston freight operator, Egyptair, has come under scrutiny and been warned that it could be banned from flying in EU airspace for 'systemic safety deficiencies'.

Just what Meridian's technical and safety failures consisted of has, up to now, been a mystery. But yesterday the findings of an FOI request to the Department for Transport fell into the old Eastcliff mitts, and it makes terrifying reading.

These are the lowlights:

Four inspections of Meridian were carried out in July, in addition to which the DfT has 'evidence indicating that an aircraft (operated by Meridian) took off significantly overweight on one occasion in July'.

The first CAA inspection on 8 July 2010 discovered, amongst other things, fuel leaks, no information about temporary repairs to No 3 engine, and bags not correctly secured and restrained.

On 15 July 2010 the CAA found delaminated flight deck windows, repair of a deferred defect extended 'well beyond limits', valve caps missing from main wheels, temporary repairs of a panel not recorded, no torque check on wing tank access panel screws, protective breathing equipment for crew unserviceable and a visible fuel leak still unattended to.

On 22 July 2010 the CAA noted flight crew seat covers worn and holed, no fireproof ID plate near the main entrance, a large screw head sheared off on the right hand wing, and seals on the right hand inboard fuel tank panels reused after fuel leak rectification.

A second inspection occurred on 22 July which found interior equipment not correctly secured, borrowed breathing equipment which the crew wasn't trained to use, the cargo locking mechanism not suitable for the pallet in use, a smoke detector in the lower hold unserviceable, incorrect performance calculations (presumably regarding things like weight and power on take-off), the flight engineer lacking an English language proficiency endorsement (and a spare pair of glasses!), old seals used on a fuel leak rectification and a fundamental error in load planning which required re-distribution of cargo.

Flamin' Nora! And to think those things were flying a few hundred feet above my bonce!

I know most Thanetians will probably roll their eyes and mutter about 'elf and safety which, considering some of the heaps you see on our roads, is only to be expected. I, on the other hand, am grateful that you can't buy an MOT for a knackered old DC8 in the local pub!

More Building Shite

2010-08-26T21:54:00.005+01:00

Well, this is rapidly turning into Property Week, isn't it?

A reader has pointed me in the direction of Stourbridge architects BBLB's website where you can see full details of the forthcoming London Array fart farm's control and maintenance building which they've designed for our lovely port here in the Ms' P. Click on the pic to read and see more.

The new building is apparently designed to BREEAM Excellent, whatever the fudge that is. Perhaps it's related to the monster bass!

Building Shite

2010-08-24T10:36:00.005+01:00

No doubt inspired by my previous item concerning typographical errors, reader Barry writes:

Has anyone else seen the artist's impression of the new development they're proposing for the slipways next to the Maritime Museum in Ramsgate Harbour? I enclose a photo.

It's on public display at the Ramsgate Town Council offices at the Custom House. I see some wag has made an attempt at a critique by scrawling an arrow to the development with the word 'site' above it, but they have surely ruined the joke by accidentally omitting the 'H'?

Haha! Yes, well Barry, if I had jug ears and horsey teeth I might well describe the thing as a monstrous carbuncle on the face of an old friend. As it is, my teeth are (natch) perfect and the old shell-likes a treat to behold, so I'll just say it looks like a crap uPVC conservatory on steroids!

Unintetional Error

2010-08-23T17:27:00.007+01:00

Reader Dave writes:

I was shopping at the Westwood Cross Staples this afternoon when I noticed a charity box for a very worth cause by the till. It's a shame, though, that Read International, whose aim is to collect books and donate them to schools in east Africa to help them to read, couldn't even spell their own name right on the tin! I attach a photograph from my mobile phone.

Well Dave, I agree with you there. I bet whoever proof read that is now feeling like a bit of a silly cut!

Rubbish News

2010-08-23T13:08:00.007+01:00

Regular contributor Samantha writes:

Is anyone else fed up with the state of Camden Square in Ramsgate? Every week rubbish is dumped there willy-nilly, not to mention the ever-present seagull problem on bin bag collection days. I have attached some photos of the disgraceful mess this square is almost constantly in.

The residents have been told their properties are not suited to wheelie bins and that they cannot participate in the trial of seagull proof bin bags that is taking place elsewhere on the East Cliff. Emails to councillors rarely receive a response, and I know of one councillor who actually believes that the seagull proof bags are 'ugly' and that the final solution is spraying bin liners with bleach on bin day. How's that supposed to help?

Well Samantha, it certainly looks like a land fill from your photos! I wonder how long it'll be before the entire area is infested with rats and bubonic plague?!?!!??

And talking of rubbish news, I've just been sent a press release from Duffer Central entitled HERITAGE OPEN DAYS COME TO MARGATE. According to our beloved council's spin doctor:

Some of Margate ’s many historic buildings and sites will be throwing open their doors next month (September), as part of Heritage Open Days.

A total of 12 different venues will be taking part in the initiative, which runs from Thursday 9 September until Sunday 12 September. It’s been organised under the banner of Margate Arts, Creativity, Heritage (MACH) [Who they? Ed], an innovative partnership between English Heritage, the Arts Council and Thanet District Council.

There's more, but it's all about Margate. Yet a sneak peek at the English Heritage website reveals that there are two events in Broadstairs, and two in Ramsgate. So why no mensh of those by Cecil Square? Have they forgotten that our council tax pays their wages too? Or are they just eager to take credit for what seems to be some much needed joined up thinking from outside their bureaucratic box? I think we should be told!

Light Not Fantastic

2010-08-21T09:47:00.011+01:00

My spies in our teeny-tiny council here in the Millionaires' Playground tell me that some consternation was engendered at the last meeting when one of their number looked up and spotted the council chamber's substantial chandelier dangling by a thread! Or electrical wire in this case.

Quite why the thing wasn't bolted to a joist is a mystery. After all, as the above clip demonstrates, even Del Boy knows that's the proper way to do it.

You'd have thought that the recent renovation of the Custom House, where the council sits, would have been done to top notch standards, especially given the fact that it was aided by a grant from the Ramsgate Seafront Townscape Heritage Initiative Scheme. Oh well, what do you expect from the people who also accidentally demolished the Grade II listed Marina Restaurant on the front!

And talking of council premises (and backs of vans), another spy has sent me these pics of what looks like period furniture being bundled out of Albion House and into the back of an auctioneer's van early yesterday morning. If you recall, Ramsgate Town Council stuck two fingers up at Thanet Council earlier this year and shifted from Albion House to the Custom House.

I wonder who's flogging what are, after all, our assets? TDC or RTC? I think we should be told!

Plane English

2010-08-20T11:05:00.008+01:00

Knowing my, er, penchant for anything to do with the aviation industry, several readers have sent me these pics of the latest livery for Kulula, a low cost South African airline. As you can see, they've painted their plane with all sorts of jolly witticisms!

Ordinarily I'd bin this sort of thing in the sure knowledge that publishing it in the 'social meedja' would only cause moist gussets and trebles all round in some Soho 'creative' agency that charges a million pounds an hour for the pleasure of installing a pinball machine in its coffee area and retro, table top Space Invaders to rest the client's latte on. Fab.

But hey-ho, I'm in a generous mood today! I'll go as far as to say it's a shame Kulula don't fly into RAF Chas 'n' Dave Manston Tracey Emin Margate London Kent International Airport. After all, at only a few hundred feet above the old cliff top mansion, I'd at least get some interesting reading to distract me from the noise!

EU Scrutinises More Manston Cargo Crates

2010-08-19T01:00:00.008+01:00

Please excuse my extended hiatus, but I'm still doing a daily dash up and down the motorway to attend to the poorly pater in Skeggy. Hopefully he'll be up and tap dancing again soon!

Tonight I managed to trawl through the 167 emails that have accumulated in my absence. Most were drivel, but one caught the old glass eye. My informant tells me that EgyptAir, whose cargo flights regularly rattle the roof tiles and windows here at the cliff top mansion, 'has been warned that it risks inclusion on the European Commission's blacklist of banned airlines unless it addresses serious concerns in several areas of its operation.' According to Air Transport Intelligence:

The Commission states that 75 inspections since January last year turned up 240 individual safety findings, including 69 in the highest of the three classifying categories.

The Commission expressed 'serious concern' to the Egyptian civil aviation authority in May, regarding 'systemic safety deficiencies' at the flag-carrier.

It says the 'persistence of serious findings' in areas such as airworthiness, maintenance, operations and the safety of cargo on board has prompted a request for monthly reports, from Egyptian authorities, on implementation of a corrective action plan.

You can read more here. The news follows the recent banning of another Manston cargo carrier, Meridian, for 'technical failures and issues with maintenance'.

So, if I should wake up one morning with a pallet of dates wedged up my aris, I'll know who to blame!

A Monster Weekend?

2010-08-15T22:41:00.007+01:00

So, a big fish, some fireworks, a bit of an old sing song and a few fairground rides. And some flooded basements and, er, a lot of wind.

Yep, that just about sums up this weekend's inaugural Monster Bass festival for me. But I must admit it did seem to have drawn an influx of visitors to the Millionaires' Playground. The fireworks on the beach were definitely a cut above the usual bangers they let off from the East Pier, and the East Cliff lift, which was open well into the night, was vaguely reminiscent of Covent Garden tube at 7.30pm on a Friday! So at least one out of three cheers for the Thanet Council events team. After all, they can't really be blamed for the weather, can they?

Although on second thoughts, did they have to erect a stage with 'Margate Renewal Partnership' emblazoned right across it? Kuh!

Reds Over Our Heads 2

2010-08-13T20:37:00.007+01:00

I asked for photos, and you sent them in their millions! Well, one reader sent millions at least. Here's regular contributor Walter's best shot.

By way of contrast, our local biblio-bloke Michael Child has sent me this pic of the Arrows at Manston in 1968 before, as Michael puts it, 'elf and safety':

Cripes! They must have worn cast iron undercrackers in them days!

Well, we've been treated to all types of military hardware over the Millionaires' Playground today, so I'm just off down the strip to numb my migraine with a couple of bottles of Krug. A bientot!

Reds Over Our Heads

2010-08-12T13:02:00.004+01:00

If you're wondering what the noise is in the next few days, it'll be the Red Arrows! The RAF's display team are due to be using RAF Chas 'n' Dave Margate Manston Tracey Emin Kent London International Airport as a base for various air shows in the south east until Sunday (click here for more info).

If anyone gets a decent photo, you know where to send it!

Scaffolding News

2010-08-11T17:47:00.001+01:00

Reader Barry has sent me this snap of our clapped out Royal Pavilion here in the Millionaires' Playground getting a bit of an old facelift.

If you recall, Rank hopped it with their G Casino to Westwood Angry two years ago, leaving the Pav in a parlous state. Quite why the Cecil Square junta hadn't enforced the repairing terms of their lease over the previous 40 years, lord knows. Still, I suppose it deserves a half-hearted cheer to see they're at last doing it now.

According to the press release from our beloved Duffers, the work will include 'redecoration and work to the roof' which will 'be the start of a process that will eventually lead to further regeneration of the seafront and reoccupation of the building.' I see Rank have also applied for listed building consent to remove three metal screens from the first floor roof deck.

I guess we must be grateful that the place hasn't been Goddenised before now. It would be nice to think someone will come along with lots of dosh and an imaginative plan for the place - anyone for a swimming pool with glass walls? You'd be able to splash about on Ramsgate Sands in the middle of winter! It would have to be better than the monstrous lump that looks like an airport ramp which is being planned for the slipways!

Ramsgate Rocks!

2010-08-09T10:12:00.007+01:00

Er, well, no it doesn't actually as I gather that Ramsgate Rocks (the powerboat festival but without the powerboats) ain't happening this year. Instead we're to be treated to two new, slightly more arty events in the space of a couple of weeks.

Whilst the Dickensian east side is currently indulging itself with mass bladder-on-a-stick waving, and the seedy north side gears up to get its baps out with its annual Titty Show, here on the trendy south side we're ramping up for Monster Bass (14-15 Aug) and A Summer Squall (28-30 Aug).

Monster Bass (nothing to do with drum 'n' bass or turning it up to 11, as most locals seem to think) will feature a huge papier mâché fish in a torchlight procession to the sea, along with street entertainers and a market. This is TDC's offering.

A Summer Squall is backed by our very own teeny-tiny council and promises 'events around the town with something for every age - music, theatre, film, writing and even archaeology!' Highlights will include the world's smallest solar powered cinema, a milk float that's been transformed into a 'sonic wind machine', and a percussion group that uses old tut to make a banging sound.

Quite how Ramsgate has transformed in the space of a year from a place where lardy, tattooed pit bull tuggers in nothing but thongs can get down the front with a bag of Stellas and jiggle their lobster coloured moobs to a Gloria Gaynor impersonator belting out 'I Will Survive', to a place where sophisticated DFLs swan around spouting off about 'The Legend of Lomea', art and architecture is quite beyond me.

Perhaps the fast train has something to do with it. Perhaps I've had something to do with it, with all my talk about the 'Millionaires' Playground'. If so, I'm sorry, as I actually quite enjoyed the atmosphere at Ramsgate Rocks. And I'm sure Frank Thorley and the other establishments on the strip enjoyed the tens of thousands it stuffed in their coffers! Maybe next year we could have a bit of both?

Bloomin' 'Orrible

2010-08-08T09:52:00.007+01:00

Well, well, well. It appears to be a week of fine dining and horticulture here on the big blog! Regular contributor Mick has been doing a tour of the Millionaires' Playground with a view to entering it into the Britain in Bloom competition. Here's his report:

One of the key features of Ramsgate is the number of delightful roof and verandah gardens which host some fantastic fauna and flora. Here's a good example:

Moving along, I spotted a rare, sprouting Ramsgatus Urbanus:

Followed by Aerialis Neglectii and some Weedus Ridgius:

Finishing with the common Buddleia Aloftus Thanetii:

The love and attention that's lavished on these aerial gardens is a quintessential part of the town's heritage, and Ramsgate should make an excellent contender for the Britain in Bloom competition. I trust, Richard, that you will use your undoubted influence with your peers to ensure that these horticultural wonders are preserved and displayed for the wider enjoyment of the nation.

Hmmm. I'm not sure you're being entirely serious there, Mick. Still, I will pledge to use my influence with the producers of GQT to put Ramsgate on the bloomin' map!

Meanwhile, if any of you lot are bored rigid by my endless stream of nosh and gardening stories, you could always pop over to the excellent IsleOne and see what I think of the silly folkers!

Something For The Weekend

2010-08-06T12:04:00.010+01:00

Apologies for the absence but I've been tending to the aged pater.

Mr Eastcliff Snr fell off the stage at the Derbyshire Miners Holiday Camp in Skegness earlier in the week whilst performing his world famous 'Man with Three Hands' skit. Thankfully he's now sitting up and joking with nurses at the Convalescent Home for Seaside Thespians (where every cardboard bedpan has 'Kiss me quick' round the rim (note position of quotation mark) so you can use it for the, er, usual and as a jolly titfer, preferably not in that order). But it means I've had to dash up and down the motorway every day to take him essential supplies.

So I haven't got the time to tell you about the start of Drunk Week in Boredstares, or what's happening down at Ramsgate's Royal Pavilion, or about the shelter that's being renovated over on our less trendy West Cliff. And no East of the Wantsum this week either (boo!).

That said, seeing as you all seem to have got your teeth well and truly stuck into fine dining following my previous item, I thought I'd share this with you...

So which restaurant here in the Millionaires' Playground would be displaying that outside their premises then? Not one of the Ile de Thanet's two Michelin mentioned restaurants, that's for sure! Could it be the one that the Observer described as 'mediocre', adding: 'Leave ------'s in peace', and which the Torygraph gave 2/5 stars to? I think we should be told?!!?! (This won't give you a clue.)

I'll leave you to chew on that.

Tucker Bush Trial

2010-08-03T09:41:00.006+01:00

Sipping a latte and masticating a muffin in Charlotte Court over the weekend, courtesy of the excellent Age & Sons, I couldn't help thinking the ambiance was somewhat lacking. After exerting the noodle to its max, the old 20W bulb lit up. Where had the shrubbery gone? Take a butcher's...

Oh no, wait, there it is...

Hacked off and lying all over the shop! It looks as if the Ramsgate Chopper has been at it again! Tempting as it is to blame our beloved duffers for yet another crime against nature, I gather they're only partly responsible. Apparently they gave the 'Charlotte Court Residents' Association', which seems to consist solely of the chap who rather ostentatiously bought this...

in the full the glare of the BBC's Homes Under the Hammer cameras a couple of years back, permission to prune them.

Prune them? Prune them? That's a bit like chopping off both feet to trim your toenails! Kuh!

A Word From Our Other Sponsor

2010-08-01T10:46:00.009+01:00

As part of my new policy of carrying a modest amount of tasteful sponsorship ('selling out' in old money) here on the island's biggest and best blog, I'd like to introduce you to those nice people at Nice Things.

Based at the newly renovated Custom House in the Millionaires' Playground, Nice Things showcases local arts and crafts from, er, local artists and craftsmen. So if your other half has a birthday coming up or you need a last minute prezzie for that anniversary you've forgotten, or you just want to treat yourself, do pop along and browse their selection of paintings, ceramics, jewellery, trinkets, cards and wrapping paper.

Phew! The things I have to do to earn a wedge these days! If you'd like your name in front of thousands of readers a week, other slots are available. All it costs is less than a bottle of decent fizz a month, stuffed in cash into the customary brarn envelope, and deposited at an address of my choosing. Just email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

China Gateway Bigged Up In Property Week

2010-07-31T14:46:00.007+01:00

Ooh! Somebody's spent a bob or two on this flashy CGI fly-thru of the putative China Gateway over at Manston, which was given planning approval two years ago amid Tesco bag accusations of freebie trips for councillors, and since when has come to, er, sod all.

It's part of a puff piece in yesterday's Property Week which begins: 'Building a 3.3m sq ft business park by the north Kent coast might seem like a risky idea in present economic conditions, but developer China Gateway International says it's entirely viable – if it can obtain investment from the Far East.'

Sounds to me like a case of which will come first, the 1000 year old chicken or the 1000 year old egg! It's worth watching the thing right through to the finish (if you don't end up airsick first), when you'll see night descend and the entire array of sheds glowing in the Thanet countryside like a freshly minted uranium rod.

Another One For IsleOne

2010-07-31T14:16:00.001+01:00

I'm contractually obliged to point out that I've squeezed out another one for IsleOne. Do pop over there and take a sniff!

East Of The Wantsum

2010-07-31T13:30:00.003+01:00

Sticking with the theme of unsafe, poorly maintained, knackered old cargo jets crashing into the Millionaires' Playground and wiping out half the population, here's this week's East of the Wantsum!

Knackered Old Jets Banned

2010-07-30T11:01:00.007+01:00

This just in here at the big ECR newsroom... the loudest planes to use Chas 'n' Dave Tracey Emin Margate Manston RAF International Airport have been banned from Belgian airspace for safety reasons!

The ban on Meridian Airways, which operates the ancient DC8s that rattle your windows and your Auntie Gladys's teeth while taking off and landing over our septic isle, was introduced yesterday. The Flems are also recommending that the Ghanaian registered, Ostend based cargo company is put on the EU airline blacklist.

The news follows several safety inspections which found technical failures and issues with the maintenance of Meridian's aircraft.

So, hurrah for the Belgians! If it wasn't for them, KCC, TDC and Manston owners Infratil would be happily allowing these buckets to operate right over our heads. What a quality operation we have in our back yard!

Click here for more on Meridian ban (in French)
Click here to see Meridian still proudly advertised on Manston website

Asdy Asy Dy

2010-07-30T08:56:00.003+01:00

Reader Bill has sent me the above cutting from today's Isle of Thanet Gazunder. As you can see, it shows a group of grown men clasping their, er, orchids with the caption 'Asdas tdt as dyy asdy asy dy asy dy asy dasy dy asy dy asd'.

Which translates roughly as 'Nob sub forgets to change caption place holder.' Honestly, the standards of journalism these days!

Visitor Information Information

2010-07-29T18:08:00.005+01:00

My spies on what I like to think of as the Croisette here in the Cannes of Kent report that the visitor information centre in the newly renovated Custom House didn't open today, despite coachloads of crumblies and other incomers being deposited in the plethora of car parks that Thanet Council has so considerately conferred on us by knocking down all our amenities.

This is curious, as I was under the impression that Ramsgate Town Council had done a deal with diminutive developer Terry Painter to provide visitorial services on a 7/7 basis. Word has it that the man who has more fingers in more pies than Greggs has suddenly and unexpectedly pulled his finger out of this particular pastry. Anyone know any more?

Still, riding to the rescue is none other than my old sparring partner Cllr/Dr Biggles, who's emailed me with details of a new tourism application he's come up with. Simes writes:

If you can spare the 50p cost of an SMS then you might like to test and let others know of a tourism application concept that I came up with. It uses some very clever technology developed and patented by one of our local companies, that leverages the latest generation of mobile phones and we've already got the likes of Avis and 118 118 using the platform for marketing purposes.

Anyway, if you want to find out at any time what's on in Thanet, send the text "tourism" to 80012 and you'll get a link sent back to your phone. From the menu you can then choose Thanet!

It's not 100% comprehensive but we are using Thanet for proof of concept collating information on local events. What makes this so unique and interesting to the larger players is that we can attach one-time vouchers that can be redeemed at local businesses; i.e. 2 for 1 deals etc

All feedback appreciated!

Happy to oblige, Simes! Although forgive me if I don't try it personally. I'm still reeling from your 'trails of breadcrumbs' diatribe a few years back, and I'd hate to think this was some ruse to snaffle my mobile number!!!

Goodness Gracious, Great Walls Of Mire!

2010-07-28T20:31:00.006+01:00

Pootling around the interwhatsit just now, I thought I'd cop a butcher's at the Great Wall of Ramsgate website. The Great Wall is, if you remember, GO'D's project to get the Pleasurama/Royal Sands eyesore hoarding plastered. In paintings.

So far there ain't much to see, apart from the above Photoshop mock-up. Can anyone spot the deliberate error?

On The Buses

2010-07-28T15:08:00.006+01:00

'Ere, Stan! Have you clapped eyes on that new clippy yet? She's a crackin' bit of stuff!

Er, right. I seem to have slipped into Reg Varney mode for a second there. Anyway it appears I've struck a rich vein with yesterday's bussy news, as reader Nick has sent me these two superb photos from his archive. Nick writes: 'Here's a photo of a nearly new Daimler Fleetline pictured at Cecil Square, Margate c1970. Curiously, it's the same bus in the colour picture a few years later in the Millionaire's Playground!'

Well thanks for those Nick. Nostalgia ain't what it used to be, eh!

Off The Buses

2010-07-27T10:21:00.003+01:00

Reader Mick writes:

It has come to my notice that if one tries to hail the local stage heading for Broadstairs at around 9.00 am in the morning one will find that the trusty steed ignores your hail and serenely cruises by, seemingly oblivious to one's predicament. If by chance it does stop, one sees that it's full up and is merely stopping for the odd passenger to fight their way off. Although of doubtful legality a machete is recommended for this exercise.

The reason for this phenomenon is that it is full of our fellow youthful EU citizens who have invaded it en masse, like the Normans of old. They are, of course, heading to the Isle's renowned seat of learning known as Thanet College (famed as a celebrity chef factory), to learn our great language. Including, of course, the vernacular, no doubt hurled at the stage as it passes by irate Thanet citizens unable to board.

One Thanet resident informed me: 'I had to wait half an hour before I could get on one of these bloody buses. It was much better when transport was by East Kent Road Car Company double decker rather than these cut down charabancs. Ah those were the days!

Ah yes, Mick. Those were the days indeed. I don't remember them personally, but those, as you rightly say, were the days.

Er, has anyone else had trouble getting on a bus recently?

Airport Consultation Takes Off Again

2010-07-26T13:49:00.002+01:00

Now that blighting night flights are back on the agenda at Manston, Kent's Chas 'n' Dave Margate Tracey Emin International RAF Airport, it seems the Consultative Committee, which liaises between residents, the council and owners Infartil, is set to meet again.

Here's what they'll be gassing on about in the airport terminal lounge at 3.15pm tomorrow:

AGENDA

1. Chairman's welcome & opening remarks

2. Minutes of last meeting

3. Introduction of our new secretary, Heidi Golden

4. Introduction of the new Airport CEO, Charles Buchanan

5. Complaints/feedback - at all stages (Charles Buchanan, Brian White)

6. The linked issue of the website (Charles B)

7. The planning application for the radar (Charles B)

8. Consultation on TMZ: transponders (Peter Thompson, Senior ATCO, Charles B)

9. Situation report on the Consultation on Night Noise (Brian W, Charles B)

10. The usual report on environmental issues from TDC (Brian W, another)

11. The usual report from the Airport management (Charles B)

12. Any other business, notified in advance to the Chairman or Secretary

It almost looks like a fresh start, what with a new boss at the helm of the airport (Charles 'Smug' Buchanan) and a new secretary at the helm of the committee (Heidi 'I Haven't Thought Of A Nickname For Her Yet' Golden).

Of course, the one constant is TDC's Director of Regeneration, Brian 'Eeh, Wouldn't An Airport The Size Of Stansted Be Chuffin' Lovely' White!

You Ain't Nothin' But A Newshound

2010-07-26T10:56:00.005+01:00

Reader Steve writes: 'Knowing your proclivity for all things Gazunder-related, I thought you might like this snap I took of three Isle of Thanet Gazetteers at the Ramsgate Carnival yesterday. Can you name them? The carnival was a great success by the way, and very well attended.'

Well thanks for that Steve. I recognise the Greek god on the left - it's Andy 'Chopper' Woodman if I'm not mistaken. And that looks like Saul Leese behind the make-up on the right. But I can't place Wonder Woman in the middle. Any clues?

Wish You Were Here Too?

2010-07-25T10:25:00.006+01:00

Reader Kevin, who went on a tour of Margate's unfinished Turner Contemporary yesterday, writes:

I am completely disinterested in this project but I wondered if you would like my immediate impressions...

I arrived five minutes before the hour, brandishing the letter saying I’d been invited on the tour. The person I invited along and I were pleasantly shepherded in to Droit House to receive our fluorescent jacket and hard hat.

Assembling at the front entrance to the site, we paused as the KCC guy and the Turner lady welcomed us to the tour and mentioned facts, figures, safety concerns (it’s a building site, so try not to trip) and the ban on the use of cameras on the (spurious) reason of copyright issues.

Entering the site, we were then lead on a predetermined route through the concrete walls/hanging wires/scaffolding that is the Turner at the moment.

I don’t know how much of it, if any, you have seen but it is a lot bigger on the inside than can be seen on the outside. Tardis came to mind.

Our group of 25 were then led on a tour of the future reception area, cafe, shop, gallery, and conference space on the ground floor, and large gallery spaces and education space on the first.

Big windows. No, seriously big windows. They have put in big floor to ceiling windows in every space, and the roof is 60 ft in places, but to get valuable works of art down to a seaside setting they have an atmosphere controlled/we can control the natural light area, which means that as well as contemporary art works there will be ‘proper pictures' on the walls (sorry, I asked the question, but I prefer ‘proper pictures') including, from the opening, a ‘Turner’ on loan from the Tate.

Our group were invited to ask questions and they involved what type of floor in the gallery, the lift (it will be able to hold 100 people, apparently) and the type of art on display.

After 45 minutes we returned our safety gear and, passing the television cameras, left to make our own minds up.

Yes, obviously it’s still a building site.

It is a lot bigger inside than you would think.

It will have great views, though they were already there.

The people involved really care.

I asked Turner lady if she could give us a one sentence reply to pass on to people who moan about the ‘eyesore’ on Margate harbour. She said things about ‘Dynamic’ ‘Forward Looking’ etc.

I would suggest they just say ‘Give it a chance'.

Wish You Were Here?

2010-07-24T15:23:00.004+01:00

Regular contributor Millicent has sent me this charming postcard from Das Kunstbunker, aka the Turner Contemporary. She writes: 'It was given out free at an event I attended. According to the back, KCC, TDC and the Arts Council have all paid for this wonderful view of the Turner Contemporary under construction in 2010. Hardly the most awe-inspiring topic is it?'

Oh well, just wait until it's finished Millicent. Although that could be a big ask if the ConDem coalition pushes through its threatened 25% cuts in arts grants. Who knows, it could suffer the same fate as some of the schools round here. If that were the case, the lucky locals who were offered sneak peeks today could be some of its only visitors!

Still, the Turner could always go begging. Which, in fact, it has. All you have to do is pop along to the Just Giving website and pledge your sovs. Mind you, most Thanetians wouldn't stretch to 50p for the meter to keep their gran's life support machine going, so good luck to them with that.

And talking of Thanetians, I hear that many talented and well qualified DFLs have been rejected without even an interview for the slew of jobs that recently went begging at the Turner, purely for the crime of putting a Thanet postcode on their CV!

East Of The Wantsum

2010-07-23T18:07:00.003+01:00

It's Friday! And that means only one thing, East of the Wantsum fans! Yes! It's East of the Wantsum!

A Bunch Of Anchors

2010-07-23T15:11:00.004+01:00

Regular contributor Walter emails me to say: 'I dropped into the new visitor centre in the Custom House today to find that the Port of Ramsgate (wish you were here) cards exclaim that the harbour has four gold anchors. A quick visit elsewhere indicated that they have only three.'

Well spotted Walter! For earlier this year it was a case of 'anchors away!' when the Yacht Harbour Association removed one of their nautical plaudits, due the parlous state of, well, just about everything in our lovely marina. Give that man a, er, gold star!

Another One For IsleOne

2010-07-23T10:44:00.001+01:00

Do pop over to IsleOne and read my latest bilge, or the brown envelopes will stop arriving. Ker-ching!

Alarming News

2010-07-22T11:19:00.005+01:00

Ramsgate reader Pete writes:

We have a car parked outside our house. It isn't ours and it doesn't belong to any of our neighbours. Somebody who lives elsewhere has parked it there. It's quite a nice car so they have set the alarm. But the alarm is faulty. It goes off intermittently throughout the day and night. It's been doing this since Sunday night.

I phoned the police. They have access to the registration details and can contact the owner. However, they tell me they have no powers to make the owner turn the alarm off. They gave me a number to ring for TDC's environmental protection team.

The number they gave me took me to an answerphone message saying that this number was now defunct. It told me that TDC only works during office hours (in my experience they don't do much then, either). The call was then diverted to a call centre run by Amiscus Horizon in Sittingbourne. A cheery chap on the end of the line told me that TDC doesn't provide any service for dealing with noise complaints out of hours. He told me that I would need to make repeated complaints to the Council and that, eventually, they might issue some kind of enforcement notice to the owner. I'm assuming the battery on the car will have gone flat before this happens.

I'm just wondering what happened to the jack-booted militia who were all set to confiscate our stereos and ghetto-blasters. I was under the impression that Councils were supposed to enforce the legislation which had been introduced to deal with noisy neighbours. Just wait until the unwashed serving classes find out that they can crank up the volume and that granny next-door can do nothing about it. The Millionaires' Playground will soon become the Rappers' Playpen.

P.S. We have to create employment in Thanet, so we contract out answering the phone to a chap in Sittingbourne. Presumably nobody on the dole in Thanet is qualified to answer a phone?

Well Pete, I find the flying poodles pretty annoying at this time of year too, what with all their, er, 'fighting' at four in the morning. So I've taken to kipping in a pair of industrial strength ear defenders. Maybe TDC could save the dosh they spend on providing non-services by issuing a couple of pairs free to every household?

Never Let A Dayglo By

2010-07-21T15:48:00.003+01:00

These bright orange 'Private Parking' signs in Pier Yard make an attractive addition to the heritage architecture, doncha think? Still, if I was paying close on a grand for the privilege of parking up my Priapus, I suppose I wouldn't want the oiks hogging my space either!

Ramsgate Drug Dealers Go To Pot

2010-07-20T11:25:00.003+01:00

Wending through the grimy, East Cliff back streets to the local Premier (Costcutter in old money) for my copy of Gra*ia last night, I spied the local drug dealer tooling around on his mountain bike. He'd occasionally stop, give his distinctive cheery whistle, and a ghost would approach him with the dosh for the necessary.

How different from three or four years ago when deliveries were made by dudes in top of the range Audis! It's tempting to think the umpteen raids on cannabis factories across the island have driven the poor chap to pedal power, but personally I blame the bankers. They just can't afford the stuff any more.

Let's hope that with Dave and, er, that other bloke now in charge we can ride out this economic crisis and at least get him up to an ice cream van with Brown Sugar blaring out of the Tannoy!

Booze News

2010-07-19T11:25:00.003+01:00

Noooooooooooooo! Eagle-eyed reader Ken has sent me this snap of an alcohol licence review notice which has gone up in the window of Waitrose, here in the Millionaires' Playground.

The supermarket is probably one of the few reasons there is any kind of discerning middle class still left in Ramsgate, if not the whole of Thanet, with the booze counter being a Mecca for anyone with a palate that stretches beyond White Lightning and cheap, fizzy leg opener. Ken says:

Apparently the police are requesting a review of Waitrose's licence because of the high level of reported incidents of shoplifting etc from the store. The store apparently reports all incidents and regularly provides names of offenders and security video confirmation but the police do nothing. They are now requesting a review of the licence because of the high offence levels reported. Who would blame Waitrose for shutting up shop because of such stupidity. So where is YOU CALL - WE WILL COME? [See previous item]

Quite. And knowing how jealous our Margate-centric council feels about Ramsgate's revival, I wouldn't be surprised if they withdrew the licence out of spite in the hope that it would drive out Waitrose, leaving us with another eyesore of a building in the centre of town. Or perhaps they're in cahoots with their friends at Tesco!!!??!!!

Kent Cops Make Up For Budget Cuts By Running Sex Line

2010-07-17T14:45:00.002+01:00

Lift Behind

2010-07-17T12:09:00.005+01:00

Reader Bill writes: 'The sign on the door says 'Open weekends 10am to 6pm'. It's Saturday, 11am. It's closed.'

Aha! Time for TDC to eat another of my shorts!

Flog Your Assets

2010-07-17T09:37:00.005+01:00

Shushing back to the Millionaires' Playground in the old Priapus yesterday evening, I almost drove straight on into the harbour as I passed West Cliff Hall (motor museum in old money).

Despite a well organised, well developed and well backed citizen-led plan to return the crumbling pile into a useful space for the people of Ramsgate, the rotters at TDC have gone and bunged it up for auction. And as residential too! What's that all about? A quick tour of the Harman Healy website revealed, er, west cliff 'all.

My spies tell me that the sign's appeared without notice, and despite a promise to consider carefully the proposal to turn it into a community arts space and cafe. A sort of Van Gogh Contemporary but at a fraction of the cost, if you like. Ah, er, now that may explain it. The Cecil Square duffers wouldn't want anything on the south side upstaging their precious, £24m Turnip, would they?

Meanwhile I see the whole of the Gazunder's second page is devoted this week to the World According to Chief Duffer Councillor Baywatch, in which he says he intends to conduct a review of all properties and sites for sale under the council's asset disposal programme. But presumably not this one. 'The lengths that people are prepared to go to to protect these sites may mean that we have misjudged public opinion,' says the Bearded One in a triumph of understatement.

Update: The Mayor of Ramsgate has now said in the comments to this post 'Auction has been suspended pending detail disscussion with interested group.' Phew!

East Of The Wantsum

2010-07-16T10:30:00.005+01:00

Another week, another East of the Wantsum! Apologies for the 48 hour absence, but I've been getting a bit of peace and quiet up in the big city. Well, it's not exactly been all rest and no play, as you can read in my first item for IsleOne. A bientot!

Oozalum Bird

2010-07-14T13:49:00.008+01:00

Flamin' Concordes! The training flights have returned! As a tribute, here's a short film I made a while back demonstrating just how crap it is to have knackered old 747s going over every nine minutes, a few hundred feet up. Doors and windows rattle and shake. Car alarms are set off.

Trouble is, there's no longer a complain button on the airport's website. With an important deadline to meet, there's nothing for it but to charge up the Priapus and charge up the M2 to the old London pied-a-terre for a spot of peace and quiet.

And there was me planning to spend a few sovs in the Millionaires' Playground tomorrow!

Update: Er, actually it's not a knackered old 747, it's this great big lump:

Meanwhile I see some doofus on the government's Spending Challenge website has proposed relocating freight flights from Heathrow to Manston. He/she/it says: 'Improvements to the infrastructure could be made at a lower cost than destroying villages in and around the current proposed Labour government preferred location (at Heathrow) [They've been scrapped, dillweed]. Noise and aircraft pollution would be directed out in to the North sea area.'

Pillock!

Any Portland In A Storm?

2010-07-14T13:05:00.007+01:00

Word on the nautical grapevine (or scuttlebutt as it's known in maritime circles) is that a well known fast ferry company that can't be named for legal reasons (and can't provide a service from Ramsgate either, despite many promises), is sniffing around Portland Harbour near Weymouth.

Portland describes itself as 'the UK's newest commercial port', boasting the second largest man made harbour in the world, and a quick whizz around its website shows that a huge amount of investment has been made recently. Certainly there don't appear to be any holes that a boat hoist could fall down!

My guess is that it would be in the right place for services to the Channel Islands and St Malo. If they can find a boat this time, that is!

Quay Hole Surgery

2010-07-13T20:39:00.009+01:00

Holy harbours! The salty seamen down in our lovely naval basin tell me that this hole, which has hastily been covered up with a metal Band-Aid, was caused by the boat hoist going through the tarmac! Here's the boat hoist:

The idea is it picks your floating gin palace up out of the water, and then drives it to the quay on the right where you can scrub the barnacles off your poop deck at your leisure.

Apparently it went in right up to its, er, ankles. But fortunately it wasn't carrying my £250K Sunseeker, or anybody else's, at the time.

It just goes to show what a parlous state the Cecil Square Duffers have allowed Ramsgate's Royal Harbour to get into. No wonder the marina lost one of its coveted Golden Anchors earlier this year.

Our beloved council have now fessed up, and the island's hacks were apparently invited down there to gawp today. According to my matelot mates, as part of the council's proposed groovy new staff structure at Maritime Services, there won't even be a full time engineer down there in future. I presume that's something the local scribblers weren't told!

Something For The Petty File

2010-07-13T12:48:00.004+01:00

Reader Bill has sent me this photo with the comment: 'Given everything we read in the News of the World, I'm glad there's a picture of a dog there, just to make things clear'. Quite.

How Many Councillors Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

2010-07-12T16:32:00.007+01:00

More than 16, it would seem, if this photo I was sent is anything to go by. It's from the interior of Ramsgate's teeny-tiny council HQ at the new Old Custom House, where only three bulbs on these magnificent chandeliers appear to be working.

I know some councillors can barely make it to the full 40 watts on their own account, but you'd think they'd want their brand new building to look a bit flasher than this! If they're bent on saving dosh and going Green (Geddit!?!???!) then they could invest in some of those energy saving bulbs that go on until the last trump and cost 3p a year to illuminate.

What with this and the lights out on the East Pier, it's all a sad cry from the days when the Millionaires' Playground prided itself on its illuminations. As we saw recently from our local biblio-bloke's blog, a mere 60 years ago our Mayor was proudly switching on 25,000 coloured lamps and expressing the hope that Ramsgate might become the Blackpool of the south, or that in future Blackpool might be known as the Ramsgate of the north.

I suppose these days the boast would be we're the black hole of Thanet!

Night Flight Blight Back

2010-07-11T15:59:00.006+01:00

Yikes! I see The Duffers have put all-night knackered old jumbos on the agenda again! The council's Airport Working Party is set to meet on the 19th, and one of the items for discussion is 'Night Time Flying Policy' (aka the Stanstedification of Ramsgate and Herne Bay).

Meanwhile, I've been doing some background research on the new boss of RAF Chas 'n' Dave Manston Margate International. Infratil's new wunderkind, Charles Buchanan, used to be variously Head of Business Development ('Sales' in old money), Director of Strategy ('Thinking') and Director of Communications ('Bullshit') at London City Airport, before disappearing for a while and then turning up at Manston.

Charlie boy was put in the firing line by his bosses when London City applied to expand, and was described as 'the smug toad who sat crossed armed laughing and smiling at protesters and residents.' Ooh look, there's more here:

Such was the anger he instilled that people actually shouted at the speaker to ask him to stop his smug, smarmy little smirks. Such was people's ire after watching his actions at the planning meeting, we were inundated by upset people offering help and assistance.

Looks like Infartil have hired a right Charlie!

Click here to sign the NO NIGHT FLIGHTS! petition

A Word From Our Sponsor

2010-07-10T17:59:00.012+01:00

For nigh on five years now, Thanet's Premier Blog has been bringing you all the news that's unfit to print, uncluttered by advertising or the need to plug some product, service or political doctrine.

Which means you haven't had to miss a single goal (ITV), or had useless tut from B&Q rammed down your throat just when you were about find out how to build a nuclear submarine (Quest).

But times are tough. Even for (Columbian Peso) millionaires like me. Yes, it's sad to say, dear reader, but I was recently reduced to buying a case of Shampagne from Aldi, steaming off the labels and replacing them with ones I'd photocopied from my last bottle of Krug. Shameful, I know, but after the tenth bottle nobody really noticed.

Where I work, in TV land, belts are being tightened. Top executives are seeing their pay slashed by up to 25%, leaving them with a meagre £400K-£500K a year to scrape by on. Nobody can afford to keep a Georgian town house in Chelsea and a villa in Tuscany on that sort of money.

So after much consideration I've persuaded the board of Eastcliff Richard (Virgin Islands) (2005) Ltd to allow some tasteful sponsorship. You won't be confronted by the kind of Googlesplatter you see on some of the more tawdry Thanet blogs. Just the occasional ad for useful things, carefully selected and road-tested by yours truly.

My first sponsor is IsleOne, a splendidly informative and superbly designed website chock full of luvvly Fannit fings, brought to you by top webmeisters freshfishdesign. I urge you all to pay a visit.

And if you'd like your name in front of thousands of readers a week, other slots are available. All it costs is less than a bottle of decent fizz a month, stuffed in cash into the customary brarn envelope, and deposited at an address of my choosing. Just email me at richardeastcliff@yahoo.co.uk

Silly Cnut

2010-07-10T10:42:00.004+01:00

Lumme! Have those wacky Top Gear types been up to their madcap larks again? Have they been filming another of their hugely entertaining and not at all formulaic 'challenges', this time driving a Mercedes estate from Broadstairs to Belgium without using a road?

No. In fact this chap reversed into the sea yesterday to get his boat out and got stuck. Then the tide came in. As it inevitably does. That's going to take a bit of, er, valeting.

Thanks to reader George for the footage.

East Of The Wantsum

2010-07-09T19:09:00.007+01:00

Here's today's EotW. As ever, click it to big it.

It's anyone's guess which page it'll appear on in our local blue top from week to week. Today it was under Countdown to Turner, my old journalist chum John Kampfner's column, writing in his guise as chairman of the Turnip Centre trustees.

I'm sure John won't mind me saying (as he probably didn't write it, but only put his name to it) that I've never read so much fantasy guff in my life. If his column is to be believed, Margate is about to be transformed into some kind of Willy Wonka wonderland, where the streets will be paved with Saatchi gold, and fifty pound notes will spew from the top of the Turner Contemporary every day for the 'ickle Margit chilren to collect. And not a mention of any destination south of Westwood Cross.

You can read it all on the excellent Margate Architecture blog, where it's been scanned and reproduced, along with, as it happens, East of the Wantsum. I don't recall giving my permission for that!

Meanwhile John Kampfner has rather more reason to celebrate in his capacity as CEO of Index on Censorship, part of the campaign group that has been fighting our archaic and draconian libel laws. The ConDems announced today that they will review our ridiculous statutes, which have made us the laughing stock of the world, and London the centre of international libel tourism.

So, if all goes well, in a couple of years time, I may be able to tell you what really happened with Euroferries!

Golfing News

2010-07-09T14:31:00.004+01:00

Lilliputian laughtermaker Ronnie Corbett will be opening the new clubhouse at Stonelees Golf Centre on Sunday. Here he tells the Isle of Thanet Gazunder about his Margate memories...

Thank you, thank you. Now when the Editor asked me to, you know, write something for this, for this newspaper, I remember it well, because we were having a drink at the time. And that's a very unusual thing. You know, for him to buy me, or indeed anyone, a drink. So I remember it quite vividly. 'Ron,' he said, 'Ron,' he always calls me Ron. Well, no, it's an interesting theory of his. He reckons that 'Ronnie' is too big a name for such a small person. No, he does. The fact that he's only 4 foot 2 and likes to be known by his friends as Aloysius doesn't seem to strike him as at all, you know, hypocritical. Anyway, anyway, to get back to the story. 'Ron,' he said, 'Ron, I'm editing this newspaper, and, you know, I'd like to give the little guys a chance to contribute. You're quite little, and you're opening this clubhouse, I think you'd be the ideal person to write our golfing column.' He's a bit of a charmer, you see, and, no, no actually, actually I was quite touched. And I had had several G and Ts at the time. So, no, no, to get back to the story, this man walks into a shop...

[That's enough golfing news - Ed]

Back To The Future

2010-07-08T11:58:00.008+01:00

Mooching through some of the Thanet films my old factotum Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) used to throw together in between masticating in the ensuite, it struck me how much improved Margate Harbour Arm is these days.

Only three years ago it was derelict and vandalised, as this grab from Margate - The Last Resort demonstrates:

Mooching along the East Pier in our lovely Ramsgate Royal Harbour the other day, it struck me how derelict and vandalised it is these days, as this photo demonstrates:

Only three years ago, these lights were a twinkly feature of the harbour after dusk. Now the pier's dark of an evening, and you'd be lucky to find a single light that hasn't been knackerated.

Of course, the council will blame the scallywags.

Of course, I will blame the council for not installing vandal proof lighting in the first place.

And the moral of this tale? Well, despite being unsurpassed at playing with their spheres while Thanet burns, it would appear that the Cecil Square duffers can only cope with juggling one ball at a time. Find a grant, do it up, let it rot. Find a grant, do it up, let it rot. No wonder I'm getting a horrible feeling of deja vu!

Pier Group Pressure

2010-07-07T12:01:00.008+01:00

Reader Tom writes:

Hi ECR. I saw an article in the Telegraph yesterday about how they've just spent £51m restoring the pier in Weston-super-Mare after it burnt down in 2008. Apparently it's got brand new attractions like a laser maze, a 4D cinema and an aerial assault course.

Contrast that with the Dreamland roller coaster burning down in 2008 leaving Margate with a car park, and the possibility of a few bob being spent by 2012 on some old rides that nobody under 60 will touch with a barge pole. Why Weston managed to attract the money for this lord knows.

Keep up the good work. Tom.

Well, er, thanks for that Tom. And really, having read the piece I'm still none the wiser as to where Weston-super-Mare (Weston-super-Mud in old money) got the moolah.

Speaking of wise spending, reader Brian has sent me his idea for Tory Cllr Wise's ten grand plan to repaint the lighthouse on the end of Margate Harbour Arm (Pier in old money). Brian says it's based on the official flag of Fannit and would be a fitting tribute to an upstanding member!

High Street Blues

2010-07-06T17:31:00.008+01:00

Holy high streets! Has anyone else noticed the number of shops and restaurants that have closed in the past few weeks?

Two shops and a restaurant gone in Margate old town, a shop and a restaurant down and out in Ramsgate. Even Canterbury with its gazillions of tourists was looking a bit shabby last time I visited. I went there especially to shop at Gap, but they'd long scarpered, leaving a different kind of gap.

Still, at least petrol's six pence a litre cheaper in Canterbury, for those of you who are still reliant on gas guzzlers. That's because Tesco, who seem hellbent on treating the island as their own personal fiefdom, have a monopoly on 'cheap' petrol here in Thanet and can therefore make it as, er, expensive as our distorted local market can stand. Anyone for Asda at Arlington House?

Tesco invades Denmark:

Bum And Bummer

2010-07-04T10:28:00.005+01:00

Phwoar! I see Ramsgate's prude-defying hairdresser Marcello has, er, turned the other cheek!

If you recall, the top tonseurist caused a nationwide stir recently with a controversial erection featuring his lovely Cuban wife's booby bits. Now he's flipped her over and chucked up her backside!

The new look is featured in today's Daily Star Sunday (click on pic for full story). It's bound to get the old duffers at our beloved council all hot under the collar again!

Ramsgate Man Chuffed Off With Hornby

2010-07-03T13:43:00.007+01:00

By Isle of Thanet Gazunder Tourism Editor Sandy Gusset

A Ramsgate man has claimed his idea for a Hornby Museum on the isle has been stolen - by Hornby!

The Margate manufacturer opened its doors to visitors this weekend, with millions expected to marvel at the Scalextric cars, Airfix models and toy trains on display.

Now Thanet millionaire and socialite Richard Eastcliff, 29, says he wrote to the firm last year suggesting a Hornby visitor attraction in Ramsgate's former Motor Museum.

'I told their marketing manager it would be a fantastic addition to the island's range of indoor tourism offerings,' said Mr Eastcliff. He added he had even suggested a name - Hornbyland.

Mr Eastcliff says he is now working on an alternative attraction for the disused West Cliff Hall called ThanetWorld. 'It will be an intriguing tribute to Kent's Ramsgate Peninsula,' he said. 'We hope to attract thousands of visitors a week with our displays of hair straightening products, double glazing and bad tattoos.'

Hornby was unavailable for comment.

Richard Eastcliff is 29.

East Of The Wantsum

2010-07-02T10:30:00.011+01:00

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it).

I'm dedicating it to the memory of my chum Mr Dickens of Broadstairs, who was prematurely taken from us in a tragic accident earlier this week. He was a regular contributor and commentator on this blog, with a devilish sense of humour and a particular way of pricking the pomposity of the puffed up and pointless politicians we suffer from on our septic isle. Mr D of B, you will be sorely missed.

Ramsgate To Get Jamie Oliver Treatment

2010-07-01T14:46:00.006+01:00

I'm not talking here about the recent handbags at dawn between Sainsbury's favourite chef and the ConDem Health Minister, Andrew Lansley.

No, it appears that Jamie Oliver's TV production company Fresh One is making a Hotel Inspector style series for Five (Channel Five in old money). And their first target is a restaurant in Ramsgate!

They've imaginatively called the show The Restaurant Inspector. I think you get the idea. But if you haven't got the idea, the idea is that they take my old chum Fernando Peire to a restaurant, and he inspects it. Fernando, as the cognoscenti will know, is the boss of ever-booked sleb-haunt The Ivy, where I've spent many a happy hour listening to Kerry Katona howling into her pud on the other side of the room.

According to the Press Association, the hour-long programme, due to air this autumn, will see Fernando take on a yet un-named family-run restaurant in Ramsgate. Well, un-named until now, that is, as I can exclusively reveal that it's the excellent Alexandra Ristorante on Harbour Parade, where filming has been taking place over the past few months.

Well, what's the point of being a media luvvy if you can't not keep a secret?! Mwah!

Biggles Shot Down By Standards Committee

2010-06-30T18:18:00.007+01:00

Word on the island grapevine is that Tory Cllr/Dr Moores has had his complaint against Labour Cllr/Sherriffof Nottingham turned down by the standards people. The complaint, regarding some kind of blog-related hissy fit between Thanet Council's two political heavyweights, had already been rejected once. Now it's been rejected again on appeal.

Quite how that affects Westgate-based, banner-tugging Dr Biggles' libel case against The Sherriff, lord knows. (I would have said 'law lord', but we don't have any of those these days, do we?) As previously reported, Cllr Nottingham has obtained the services of top London libel lawyers Carter Ruck to defend himself against cabinet member Dr M's accusations.

Oh well. At least the news is an excuse to use an amusing photo which was sent to me by top Thanetian author Iain Aitch!

Tesco Fiasco

2010-06-30T11:17:00.004+01:00

I know this has already been covered on the excellent Margate Architecture blog, but I'm going to whip it out again and give it a good airing!

By now we all know that Tesco, who famously grab one of your sovs for every eight spent in this country, have their eyes on Arlington Square, up on the, er, even more deserted side of the Arsonists' Playground. On Monday night the Arlington House Residents' Association held a packed meeting to discuss Tesco's plans. Here's their press release:

The planning application from Freshwater (the site's owners) is expected in July. It will be to build a Tesco store, as big as the one in Manston. It's not a small store!

WHAT WILL THIS DO TO TOURISM IN MARGATE?

An overwhelming number of residents at the meeting last night wanted to know where all the traffic will go. The seafront of Margate will be just another M25 - as one person said - permanently impassable, so neighbouring residential areas will see a lot more cars along their streets in an effort to avoid the seafront.

By the way, some people seem to think that Tesco will pay to renovate the exterior of Arlington House. NO. Tesco will lease from Freshwater, who are the developers. Freshwater are responsible for the exterior of Arlington House and they lease the Arlington site from Thanet District Council on a 199 year lease for a peppercorn rent.

Arlington House looks as dreadful as it does because Freshwater has done nothing to the exterior in thirty or so years. Now Freshwater is basically asking the residents to pay for exterior and interior works, while Freshwater will make a mint from the long term lease it is giving to Tesco. Freshwater and Tesco are multinational, global conglomerates.

There's the very real possibility that visitors would arrive at the station, or drive to the Tesco parking lot, walk to the beach, visit Tesco for food and toilets, leave their debris on the beach and return home via the station - never to venture along the sea front towards Margate High Street or Old Town, or Cliftonville.

This will not unify Margate, but will exacerbate the geographical divisions that already exist. Connected? Good for tourism or business? We think not.

Please contact Residents Association chair Ron Greene on 07754 588193 for further comments, interview or photo opportunities.

Personally I think our beloved council will wet their proverbials at the thought of yet another Tesco superbarn on the island, so the chances of planning permission being rejected are slim, verging on the non-existent. For more information on how the Tesco monolith distorts local economies (ever wondered why you pay 6p a litre more for petrol in Thanet as opposed to Canterbury?), take a look at the Tescopoly website (tagline - Every Little Hurts!)

And just to put the record straight, I'm not one of those numbnuts who think Arlington House is a blot on the landscape. With a little TLC (rather than TDC) it could be a splendid icon for Margate. After all, 60s architecture is the new Victorian!

Great Wall Of Ramsgate - First Pic Of First Pic

2010-06-29T21:08:00.006+01:00

Reader Jimmy writes:

Hi ECR. Thought you'd like a photo of the first artwork on Gerry O'Donnell's Great Wall of Ramsgate [Pleasurama Royal Sands Eyesore Hoarding in old money - Ed].

There seemed to be a lot of interest this afternoon following the press launch. Only another 1,000 feet to go!

Jimmy

Hmmm. Not yet the 'Bayeux Tapestry' we were promised, but it's early days. For the life of me I can't understand why GO'D hasn't contacted me to take up my excellent suggestions!

Ramsgate 2, WC 1

2010-06-29T16:09:00.004+01:00

Being the swinging, bachelor type, I'm hopefully not going to have much use for Mamas and Papas which has just opened at our lovely Brownwater retail park in the centre of the isle.

Actually I thought they'd all choked to death on ham sandwiches in the 70s.

Er, but no. If baby stuff is your thang, Mamas and Papas have it all. Announcing their new Westwood Cross outlet they say: '(Our) fashion-packed credentials are second to none as stars from Hollywood to Hong Kong head for the store as soon as their pregnancy is announced.' Not bad for a chain that's based in that third fashionable 'H' - 'Uddersfield. They continue:

Closer to home, the wives and girlfriends of the UK’s famous sporting and media stars are spotted often at Mamas & Papas stores throughout the country. World Cup sweethearts have already been spotted snapping up ‘Star Dribbler’ rompers to cheer on their partners in the South African tournament!

Should go down a storm with the builders' WAGs from Boredstares then.

Closer to home, and as if to prove that Ramsgate is getting chi-chier by the minute, a high class gift emporium has opened in the Old Custom House (Custom House in old money) down on the front. While teeny-tiny (and not so teeny-tiny) Ramsgate Town Councillors ruminate over their paltry portfolios upstairs, visitors can grab an excellent latte or baguette downstairs, book a B&B at the visitor information centre and peruse Nice Things, which stocks gifty arts and crafts from Thanet and beyond.

Not only that, but if a job ad I just read in one of the local rags is to be believed, the Millionaires' Playground is about to get a Cornish Pasty Co emporium too! How much more like St Ives can it get!?!

Any Publisity's Good Publisity

2010-06-28T17:19:00.004+01:00

Rummaging around in my enormous inbox today, I noticed a press release from Thanet Council headed: NEW TOURISM AMBASSADORS FOR THANET.

Apparently The Duffers are training up beach inspectors and Winter Gardens staff to be 'visible and active tourist champions for Thanet'. They will also be given a handbook so that they can 'look up anything they need'.

Cllr. Martin Wise, Cabinet Member for Environmental Services, said: 'This is part of the council’s approach to modernising the visitor information service that we offer' (by closing all the visitor information centres, eh Martin?). Cllr Wise's quote ends: 'I’d like to take this opportunity to publically [sic] thank Thanet Leisure Force for their help in supporting this initiative.'

Presumably the ambassadors' handbook contains such useful advice as 'The nearest publical convenience is in Canterbury'.

4-1

2010-06-27T17:22:00.001+01:00

I don't think England could have played any worse if they'd fielded 11 Thanet councillors.

Thousands Watch Boat Burn In Broadstairs

2010-06-27T11:42:00.011+01:00

Ha ha! No, not another of those 'earner burners' that are our speciality here in the tip of Kent. No, reader Colin writes:

Hi Ricky! As if to prove the old dictum that they'd flock to the opening of an envelope in Boredstares, there must have been thousands lining the cliff tops last night to watch a very small Viking boat being set on fire on the beach in Viking Bay.

Apparently it was all in aid of the 100th anniversary of Bradstow School and supported by Wandsworth Council and those Mears people who do public sector building maintenance, who had even brought a film crew all the way from Manchester to capture the momentous event. I suspect they won't be doing that in future, once Eric Pickles has got hold of them.

The cops were out in force, bumping up their overtime and pensions by ensuring the serried ranks of octogenarians didn't start a riot, but they were almost outnumbered by the health and safety police who had everything cordoned off. The fire brigade were also there just to make sure the boat didn't set fire to the sand or the sea. The do-gooders also apparently insisted the fireworks went off at 9:15, in broad daylight, which rather spoilt the effect if you ask me.

It struck me, seeing the Viking Warlord's body being placed on the boat and then set fire to, that this would be an appropriate send-off for a local amusement park magnate who seems to have a lot of bad luck with insured property being burnt down, as and when his time comes!

All the best, Colin

Well Colin, I take your point about Eric Pickles. With 25% to slash off local government budgets it would seem obvious that the axe should fall on events first. They aren't really an 'essential service', are they? Besides, with all the talented, professional people (moi) round here who are prepared to organise better things at no cost to the taxpayer, surely the private sector should be getting first dibs!

East Of The Wantsum

2010-06-26T14:04:00.004+01:00

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it).

To be honest, it's such a beautiful, sunny day here in the Cannes of Kent that I've completely lost the urge to moan about anything! So I'm just going to head down to the strip, grab a cool beer from the Belgian, and take in the sight of the Heras fencing on Pier Yard, the sound of pneumatic drills on full bore, and the smell of raw sewage gurgling into the marina!

Broadstairs Or Bust

2010-06-24T21:46:00.006+01:00

In case you missed Location, Location, Location's visit to Boredstares tonight, just click on my pic to go to Channel 4 On Demand, where you can have your fill of Phil and Kirstie, the Ant and Dec of estate agency. Except it's easier to tell them apart as one's bald and adenoidal, while the other's fat and female.

It was really only the dad of the house-hunting family who insisted that it was the Dickensians' Playground or nothing. Actually, he seemed far too gay to be a father of three, and all five of them seemed much more interesting than the usual tattooed, perma-tanned builders and builders' WAGs you see on the east side. So the fixation with Broadstairs was a bit of a mystery.

In the end, though, they settled on a five bed semi in Kingsgate. Until the gay dad pulled out on Phil at the very last moment. Thus, er, proving my point, methinks.

Glasto Enteritis

2010-06-24T10:18:00.006+01:00

It's that time of year again when those middle classes who aren't fans of football or tennis pack their VW Golfs and head for Glastonbury, where they can indulge their alternative fantasies with other mildly stoned estate agents and graphic designers.

I've only ever been there on official business with a film crew, and, having heard tales of overflowing pit toilets, managed to keep my bladder and bowels in check for the entire day on each occasion. One year my veteran cameraman couldn't keep it in any longer, and returned white as a ghost. 'Worse than Bosnia,' was his verdict.

Still, here in Ramsgate we seem to be putting on an alternative shit show courtesy of Southern Water, who recently took several years to mend our bursting sewer down in the port. Now the Inner Marina is swimming with the brown stuff. It started with The Great Stink on Sunday morning, and our local biblio-bloke and environmental campaigner Michael Child has finally tracked it down to crumbling Victorian sewers.

Maybe this could be seen as a positive step. After all, thousands of people flock to Glastonbury to get covered in poo each year. And now we have the chance to make our lovely, heritage Victorian seaside town even more authentic by introducing lovely, heritage Victorian diseases like typhoid and cholera! Hurrah!

England Expects...

2010-06-23T11:19:00.006+01:00

Although it's probably going to take more than a hand from god and a nose full of sugar boogahs for England to get through this afternoon's World Cup crunch match with Slovenia (thanks to reader Puffinman for the pic).

Still, if the number of plastic England flags flying from the Thanet terraces and local builders' vans is anything to go by, the real winners are China!

Toilet Humour

2010-06-22T13:02:00.007+01:00

Reader Mick writes:

Dear Richard,

As an avid reader of your snippets of gossip from Ramsgate and the Island's high society I have heard that you are seeking objects for exhibition in your latest philanthropic enterprise, the Anthea Turner Contemporary.

May I suggest the attached which has the advantage of already being on the Island and therefore will involve no great transportation costs in moving it to the Turner bunker. Entitled 'You can never be taken short' the exhibit brings together a pure white symmetry with a simple rustic appeal with nature and a crafted sculpture in virgin concrete, which is a delight to behold.

The creator of this brillant work is unknown, but could be Tracey Enim or the famed Belgian Oneloo Haartsdunteck. The work is valued at over £1,000,000 by some of the Isle's leading art connoisseurs. However I'm making the photo available at no cost for exhibition in the gallery adjacent to the loos in the new centre. It will undoubtedly be the centre of attention.

Kind regards, Mick

Well Mick, I'll certainly give it pride of place. It'll make a, er, convenient companion for my Rodin 'Thinker'...

And Duchamp 'Fountain'!

Ramsgate Gets Cruise Thumbs Up

2010-06-21T12:02:00.004+01:00

Well, it shouldn't just be Dover that gets the big boys in, should it? So I was delighted to see that Ramsgate gets a guernsey on a new cruising website. In fact the trendy East Cliff comes in for particular praise, with our quaint holiday cottages and park attracting globe-trotting chicken fanciers, it seems:

From Ramsgate Harbour, head up the cliff towards the Granville cinema and follow road to the end. You will come to the park. Cruising goes on in the park (there is a cottage there) and on cliff top. Best to park off the main road up side turnings.

Hours: Park Cottage when Park is open. The rest early evening as light falls and as long as you are prepared to hang around.

Cruising Info/Tips: Other than getting your cock out and waving at someone, just make eye contact and head for the park or bottom prom to shelters.

Cruisiest Spots: On path/steps going down to beach and in shelters halfway and at the bottom. There is also a brick built shelter on the top of the cliff where action takes place facing the sea.

Wheelchair Accessible: No.

Warnings: Straights and dog walkers do use this area to go down to the beach so just be sensible. Don't assume everyone is looking for cock as some do and have caused a few problems with some locals but on the whole I always have a great time here.

Even Ramsgate Harbour makes it into the guide! I must tell my old showbiz chum Tom Cruise!

A Wetherspoon Eye On Ramsgate Front?

2010-06-20T10:23:00.005+01:00

Carousing with the Ramsgate glitterati on the strip last night, it soon became clear that rumour is rife about pub chain J D Wetherspoon taking over the soon-to-be-defunct Kent International Hotel.

Wetherspoons, who operate 780 hostelries around the UK, including Margate's Mechanical Elephant, is on the acquisition trail. Their website even asks readers if they've got any recommendations for sites that could be transformed by the company's own brand of beery magic. And surprisingly they're after hotels as well, they already run 16.

Whether Wethers can break Frank Thorley's grip on Ramsgate front is yet to be seen. Whether the local rozzers can prevent packs of pie-eyed punters staggering all over the road at pissed o'clock in the morning is another question. To which, I would suggest, the answer is a resounding 'No'!

PS: I see the excellent Thanet Anthem (see story below) has put on almost 3,000 BoobTube viewers since yesterday, and is now going to be released on iTunes! Our beloved council must be spewing that six times as many people in a day have watched a video that portrays them as the nincompoops they are than are prepared to watch their guff about Margate's 'Big Event'. Hurrah!

East Of The Wantsum

2010-06-19T12:05:00.011+01:00

Here's this week's EotW - click it to big it. At this rate I think I can pretty well write off my invite to Cllr Baywatch's summer garden party!

Meanwhile I've been pointed in the direction of a jolly new ditty on BoobTube - The Thanet Anthem by The Thanet Loops.

Set to the tune of Alicia Keys' Empire State of Mind, it pretty well sums up our septic isle in a way that Visit Kent's description ('Thanet - the birthplace of civilisation') just so doesn't. To give you a taster, here's the opening verse:

Welcome to a place where the best nightclub is Escape
But it's always shut
An art gallery that no-one even really wants
Opened by a slut

Priceless!

Update: It seems the good folk of Newport have now jumped on the Empire State of Mind bandwagon, and have even managed to get on BBC Breakfast with it!

We're Fannit, Innit

2010-06-18T11:02:00.003+01:00

A review copy of celebrated wordsmith Iain Aitch's We're British, Innit has come into my possession, providing much needed evidence that at least one Margatonian can string two words together without the net result looking like an explosion in a Scrabble factory.

It's out in paperback next week (published by Harper Collins at £7.99, but only £5.99 from Amazon) and is chock full of bitesize bits bursting with bang-on bon mots about Blighty, arranged in a read-it-all-in-one-wet-afternoon A-Z format. The new paperback version boasts an additional chapter containing brand new material suggested by members of the Great British Public.

A random flick elicits this entry on Seaside:

Being an island nation we are never more than a short drive from the seaside, which is naturally one of the first places that our leisure industry evolved. We rapidly went from bathing machines to kiss-me-quick hats and saucy postcards, identifying the water's edge as a place where inhibitions could be cast aside. It may have lost some of its allure in the twenty-first century, but it is still the place we go to make sandcastles, ride donkeys and catch crabs, be it in a bucket, from the bed in a B&B or from a local heroin addict prostitute.

Educated at Chatham House, clearly Mr Aitch is still in touch with his Fannit roots, although I gather he can more frequently be found these days swanning it up with the Guardianistas in Stoke Lesbington. Not far from my own pied-a-terre in Norf London's media heartlands, as it happens!

Leader's Column

2010-06-17T22:45:00.003+01:00

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week top Thanet politician Bob Baywatch gives us his insight into the island!!!

It gives me no greater pleasure than to go shopping. Whether it be for vegetables, such as peas, cabbages, runner beans, or lovely, fresh, new Thanet potatoes from my friend Richard Ash's farm, or maybe bananas and soft fruit, there's nothing I enjoy more than getting a good bargain on my 'five a day' from one of the area's fantastic local greengrocers.

Alternatively I will sometimes spend hours just marvelling at the huge variety of paperclips they stock at those big stores out at Westwood Cross.

So when people come up to me and complain that their high street is dying, I tell them that they should jolly well count their blessings and look on the bright side. Where else in the UK could you be trying on a pair of comfy slippers one minute, and then dipping your toes in the briny the next?

This coming weekend we at the council have provided for your entertainment a 'Big Event' in 'Margate'. So why not come to Palm Bay and pay for the chance to catch a glimpse of those magnificent men in their flying machines, spend a few hard earned shillings at the many attractions and stalls we will be providing courtesy of the Manchester Chamber of Commerce, and then make the bracing saunter at the end of the day to shop in Margate's derelict high street before walking the hour and a half back to your car?

That's enough column - Ed.

Blogger Bug

2010-06-17T17:50:00.005+01:00

Since migrating Thanet's Premier Blog to this stylish new look courtesy of those Google Blogger chaps, I've noticed the old comments tally at the bottom of each item hasn't been, er, tallying.

Consequently, where it says '1 comment', there are, in fact several. Until they fix the bug, it's well worth copping a shufti just in case.

Actually this isn't really very interesting, but at least it keeps me on top of the pile, ahead of the drivel spill spurting from the north side of the island today!

Armed Police In Camden Square

2010-06-17T12:40:00.007+01:00

This story seems to be moving quickly. There are now reports of a large police raid being conducted in Camden Square here in Ramsgate. Thanks to reader Steve for the photos.

Update: More details now running on KM website here.

Update update: It appears three people, including a 15 year old boy, have been arrested following suspected robbery and kidnap. Investigations are ongoing. Click here for more.

Cops Get Their Huge Chopper Up

2010-06-17T11:03:00.002+01:00

Holy helicopters! The rozzers have been buzzing Ramsgate for half an hour now in their ruddy great chopper. What's going on? More illegals jumping ship down at the port? (Thanks to regular contributor Walter for the pic).

Council's Costly Postcode Cock-Up

2010-06-16T15:03:00.009+01:00

What's in a letter? Well, quite a lot if it's in your postcode!

Ramsgate's teeny-tiny council has been giving out its postcode at the newly revamped Custom House as CT11 8LS, which puts it in the same locale as our defunct Maritime Museum and Pier Yard. Buildings either side, such as the Jizz Rooms and Frank's Queen's Head boast postcodes ending 8LP.

So what, you ask. Well according to the Environment Agency, 8LS is on a flood plain, whereas 8LP isn't. Which makes the building either uninsurable or at least another couple of Bentleys for those Lloyd's of London types.

Clearly some council duffer just made the postcode up, as a quick check with Royal Mail elicited the following response:

We have not as yet received any information from the council regarding this address. Please contact the local council’s name and numbering department to confirm that the property is registered. They are the Statutory Body responsible for officially naming and numbering all properties. Once we receive the official address details from the council we will add to Postal Address File.

At least someone's now spotted the error, as I see the Ramsgate Town Council website has this week replaced its S with a P, and the Custom House has appeared on the Royal Mail postcode checker. Hopefully the building's insurers have been notified too, and told to return the motors to Jack Barclay.

Meanwhile don't forget that one advantage of living close to a flood plain (English Channel in old money) is a few sovs off your Southern Water bill if your surface water drains directly into the sea. Just call customer services on 0800 027 0800 and they'll tell you if you qualify. Even millionaires need to watch the pennies these days!

Piston Broke

2010-06-16T12:01:00.004+01:00

Reader Duncan from Ramsgate's less trendy west side writes:

I see the Thanet District Council beauraucrats have been out in force again, wasting money. Their latest addition to the 'over-cluttered by council pointless signage' landscape is on my doorstep on Royal Esplanade in Ramsgate.

A sign telling us all that motorised model cars are not to be used on the former putting green next to the Rose Gardens is an absolute joke. It is neither enforceable by the Council, nor serves any useful purpose to the public as a whole. I cannot see the harm in these seemingly enthusiatic people playing their sport and causing no harm to others on a patch of grass too bumpy to be of any other recreational use.

How much did this pointless sign cost to supply and erect? And surely it would have been better spent putting towards a fund to refurbish the decaying shelters along the esplanade, not to mention the environmental impact it has on the impression of the area.

I am almost tempted to buy a motorised model car and drive it on that area as a personal protest to the petty bureaucracy that has come about from a possible one or two complaints from people who lead shallow and empty lives.

Well quite, Duncan. To cheer you up I've appended a pic of the Bucket and Spade Run which took place on the adjacent Government Acre recently. Our beloved council appears to have no problem letting these splendid jalopies onto its unmanicured lawns. Not to mention allowing an entire motor museum go to pot!

Separated At Birth?

2010-06-14T15:48:00.005+01:00

Reader Samantha writes:

Has anyone else noticed the similarity between Amco, the new convenience store that's opening in Ramsgate's Queen Street, and Tesco, the well known megabarn at Westwood Cross ? Are they by any chance related?

Every little helps

Every Lidl helps

Makeover

2010-06-14T15:01:00.003+01:00

As you can see, Thanet's Premier Blog has been revamped! My team of highly trained graphic designers have been working for weeks on the relaunch, combining all the familiar elements that has made Eastcliff Richard a must-read for tens of fousands of Fanetians every month with cutting edge internet elan!

Hope you like it!

Princess Turns Into Ambrette

2010-06-14T12:24:00.003+01:00

My talented cuisine chum Dev tells me he's chosen a new name for the Indian Princess, the jewel in Margate's culinary crown.

Fed up with drunk punters walking out when they fail to spot a vindaloo or madras on the menu, Dev felt a change of name (sans 'Indian', 'Spice' or 'Fusion') that better reflected his ambitions for the restaurant was appropriate. He's gone for 'The Ambrette', which he tells me is, er, a kind of Indian spice.

I've rather cheekily suggested on his Facebook page that the new name sounds a bit like 'Lambretta' and that I look forward to scooter deliveries in the Ramsgate area soon!

Click here to go to The Ambrette's website

East Of The Wantsum

2010-06-11T14:11:00.005+01:00

Here's this week's EotW (click it to big it). Three jokes in one represents superb value for (no) money, methinks! Although I don't expect the middle frame has done my chances of getting the press officer's job at the Anthea Turner Contemporary much good.

Whilst I'm at it, I must take umbrage with my fellow (paid) contributor to the Isle of Thanet Gazunder, lovely columnist Jane Wenham-Jones. In this week's jottings on boarded up shops in Boredstares high street she writes: 'As for the ravages of the economic climate, count yourselves lucky good fellow residents of Broadstairs – have you walked along the high streets of Margate or Ramsgate lately?'

Actually I think you'll find there are more quality retail outlets opening here in the Cannes of Kent than in the twee environs of the Dickensians' Playground, luv. Still, don't lose heart. I expect there'll always be room over on the east side for another shop selling hair products or personalised number plates. The builders and their WAGs can't get enough of them!

Crude Comments

2010-06-11T00:05:00.004+01:00

What with BP's share price sinking this week faster than an ROV on an urgent mission to stem a mile deep oil blowout, I thought I'd use the excellent ifitwasmyhome.com (visualizing the BP oil ~~spill~~ disaster) to centre the leak on Ramsgate.

As you can see, if it had happened here, much of the English Channel would have been affected. Er, as well as the whole of Kent and huge swathes of London and the home counties. Ironically it would have quickly enveloped BP boss Tony Hayward's rural Kent pile, which is now apparently under police protection following threatening phone calls and hate mail.

£55bn wiped off their share price? They should count themselves lucky!

PS: Has anyone else noticed petrol's 6p a litre less in Canterbury compared to Thanet? Not that I'm too bothered as my motor's all electric!

Reed Employment

2010-06-10T13:31:00.004+01:00

Only in your super, soaraway Eastcliff Richard! Each week we feature a public sector stunna!

Today's bureaucratic babe is Donna Reed, who's just been promoted from her job as Director of Customer Services at Thanet Council to Director of Shared Services for the whole of East Kent! The council cracker's not just a pretty face - she'll be raking in almost £100K in her new job!

Donna you just wanna give her a great big hug! [Geddit??!!!??]

Airport Name Game

2010-06-09T20:03:00.004+01:00

Cripes! I see RAF Manston Kent London Chas 'n' Dave Margate Ramsgate London Tracey Emin International Airport has undergone yet another name change!

Officially it was known as 'Kent International Airport' in recent times. But with the launch of its new website this week, it seems we should now refer to it as 'Manston - Kent's International Airport'. I suppose in the same way Windscale became Sellafield, Long Kesh became The Maze, and Marathon became Snickers, owners Infratil feel that a new name will help disguise the, er, paucity of their offering.

To add to the semblance of jollity there doesn't appear to be anywhere you can complain about noise and other pollution now, either. Although 'jolly' is not the term I'd use to describe their logo, which looks as if it was designed by Jack the Ripper in one of his more gory moments. Not the sort of image I'd want to be confronted by if I was a nervous flier!

Meanwhile I see Lydd... oh, sorry, London Ashford International Airport has junked its Jersey flights due to lack of interest!

Westgate Pavilion Ceases Trading

2010-06-09T17:15:00.008+01:00

Ramsgate music entrepreneur and Westgate Pavilion lessee Kevin Crace has just sent me this email:

Hi Richard,

Hope you are well.

Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control, Westgate Pavilion has ceased trading today with immediate effect.

I will pop a press release out over the coming days, but if you want a quick update, please feel free to call me.

Regards,

Kevin Crace

Sad news indeed. Kevin, who also recently reopened the St James Bar here in the Millionaires' Playground, saved the Westgate Shed, er, Pavilion for the Thanet nation back in October 2008. Now it appears to be facing an uncertain future again.

Still, it's not all bad news for God's-Waiting-Room-on-Sea as I hear Medb (pronounced 'Maeve') Films have upped sticks from their Royal Harbour Hotel home here in Ramsgate and relocated to Westgate. Let's hope the local crumblies can stand the excitement of spotting slebs like Paul McGann, Brenda Blethyn and Bobbo Skins walking up the red carpet outside the Carlton Cinema!

Update: Thanet Council has now put out a press release confirming the closure of Westgate Pavilion, pending a new tenant being found. Click here for more.

Council Knockers Get Global Coverage

2010-06-08T10:15:00.011+01:00

Talk about making a mountain out of a couple of molehills! Our beloved council must be feeling a right tit after the laughable attempt to get Ramsgate hairdresser Marcello's banner of his decouped missus taken down made headlines across the globe. Earlier this morning it was the most read story on the BBC News website! (Click on pic to watch)

Ramsgate Society's Jocelyn McCarthy says it 'shows too much cleavage', but personally it, er, perks me up every time I drive past it!

It's all rather reminiscent of Margate Borough Council's attempt to prosecute renowned seaside postcardist Donald McGill in the 1950s under the Obscene Publications Act for this:

The postcard's currently taking pride of place in a new exhibition, Rude Britannia, at the Tate. Not dissimilar to my Fannit flag in the sidebar on the right, I'd say. Harmless seaside fun. So go on Thanet Council, stop whingeing about the knockers! Take those big old pants off and wave them in the air a bit!

Better Get A Bucket And Spade

2010-06-07T16:22:00.010+01:00

Reader Bill from Ramsgate writes:

On my regular walk along the seafront yesterday morning, I saw the following sights of neglect by our beloved council...

A bin overflowing before the bucket and spade run on the West Cliff...

The Western Undercliff. Surely these lorries, which are always parked here, should be moved on as they are illegally parked?

But hey, I saw the Councillors Kirby walking along the clifftop path so I assume they have reported both of these and they will get resolved asap...

The Eastcliff Bandstand. Don't TDC employ additional seasonal bin emptiers to ensure our town is 'spick and span' for the summer?...

The Blue Flag on Ramsgate Main Sands. Reading this sign you'd think it was up...

It's not anywhere to been seen.....

Finally, the bin-mountain down at the port...

At least that's shrinking. Now fewer households are only 20 years behind other Kent councils in getting wheelie bins.

Three jeers for TDC!

Rotters Remove Ramsgate Pansies

2010-06-05T12:56:00.005+01:00

I'm indebted to reader Chris for this one. He writes:

Has anyone else noticed that the council dug up all the beautiful pansies from Albion Place just before the Dynamo Day celebrations last week (photo attached)? It was previously a riot of colour. Are they determined to make us Ramsgate council taxpayers second class Thanet citizens?

Haha! Well, er, 'Yes' is the answer to that one Chris (natch). They've probably taken the flowers over to Margate, where they're spending tens of thousands on tarting up Marine Gardens by the clock tower.

Meanwhile I see the latest issue of our beloved council's very own Pravda - Thanet Tatters - has omitted any mention of Ramsgate Town Council's Summer Squall arts festival at the end of August, choosing to publicise TDC's Monster Bass bash [What that? - Ed] instead.

And I'm also told by my spies on the less salubrious West Cliff here in the Millionaires' Playground that, as of the beginning of this month, you'll have to pay the Cecil Square duffers £5.50 for an hour of tennis if you want to use the courts in Spencer Square. As one correspondent puts it:

They've opened up a hut and got a council employee to book the courts and take the money. What happens when the courts are empty, are they still paying someone by the hour to watch the courts? How can that be viable?

It's not that I object to paying but it's the lack of consultation with local residents who use the courts that bugs me. I don't use the courts very often but I know a lot of local kids use them. In these credit crunch times I think the price will be a stumbling block for families/kids wanting to use the courts and get some fresh air and exercise. We've got an Olympics coming for goodness sake why does the council want to prevent young people taking up sport? Stupid bloody council make me sick.

Still, I suppose it's better than them squandering the shiny side of £80K on a vacuous attempt to sell the tennis courts off for development!

Download the summer issue of Thanet Tatters
Britain in Bloom sabotaged by mystery poisoner in Daily Wail
More on Summer Squall arts festival from Ramsgate Arts

East Of The Wantsum

2010-06-04T10:16:00.005+01:00

Here's this week's EotW. As always, click it to big it.

After it went to print, London Array, the galaxy's biggest wind farm ever which is due to begin construction out of Ramsgate next year, announced that they were in fact prepared to scatter a few crumbs from their international table in the form of an open meeting for Thanet businesses next week. This will presumably be of interest to highly skilled workers such as taxi drivers, carpet fitters and double glazing installers. The meeting's next Wednesday 9 June at St Augustine's, Westgate.

London Array is, as you know, a mega consortium made up of Germans E.ON (Powergen in old money), Abu Dhabians Masdar and Danish giant DONG. I'm guessing your best bet for getting any work from them would be to turn up with a tea towel round your head, touting some bratwurst and a six pack of Carlsberg!

Click here for more details of next week's meeting

Broadstairs - The Naked Truth

2010-06-02T16:03:00.005+01:00

Rummaging through my electronic drawers just now, I came across a film that my old movie mucker and all-round factotum Mr Ceaucescu (no relation) made for the Thanet Nudist Information Board way back in 2008.

This used to be on my ECR TV site at BoobTube, but the bounders removed it for contravening their rules on nudity. Admittedly it's stuffed full of phallic symbolism, and there's a quick, artistic flash at the end, but nothing to get too excited about.

As the weather's set fair for the next few days, what better time to advertise the delights of, er, hanging out on Bottomy Bay?!

Quex In The City

2010-06-02T14:35:00.004+01:00

Tooling down to my local Premier (Costcutter in old money) here in the Millionaires' Metropolis for my copy of Gra*ia this morning, I was pleasantly surprised to see that they'd made room among the piles of sweet, chewy crap for a genuinely healthy product from our own Thanetian shores!

Sitting on an appropriately rustic wooden display stand was a selection of Quex Foods' extra virgin, cold pressed rapeseed oil products (click on the pic for more info). I arxed the chap behind the counter if it was selling well. 'We've only had it a few days, but yes, we've sold a few,' he intoned. So I bought a bottle to toss something in later.

How satisfying to see that it's not just Waitrose that's stocking local goodies. And with the Eminesque allusion to 'virgin' and 'rape', I'm sure it won't be long before the twitterati of Hoxton and Stokey latch on to another of Fannit's finest either!

Thanet Lad Gets His Willie Out For England

2010-06-01T20:29:00.014+01:00

Football fever isn't something I indulge in more than once every four years, but I'm pleased to see local tunesmith Lonnie Donegan Jr has re-worked and re-released his dad's 1966 World Cup Willie anthem for this year's footie fest in South Africa. Who knows, perhaps it'll do the trick again 44 years later.

Meanwhile it seems a bunfight is brewing between Thanet's cabbies and our beloved council over whether they'll be able to fly the (made in China) England flag from the roofs of their P reg Peugeots while the tournament's on. One annoyed taxi driver told me recently it was his right as an England supporter, and that there'd be a riot in Cecil Square if the jobsworths put the mockers on patriotic displays of footie fervour!

MK RIP

2010-06-01T18:17:00.004+01:00

Here's a sight we won't be seeing over the Millionaires' Playground again! Canada-crashing, Nigeria-crashing MK Airlines lumbering in to Chas 'n' Dave Tracey Emin Margate International Airport.

According to my spies, a creditors meeting to wind up MK will take place on 10 June 2010 at the Holiday Inn Express, 58 Regents Park Road, London N3 3JN at 10.30hrs local. The amount owed by MK to date is apparently £104 million, of which £70 million has appeared as Trans Atlantic Aviation (TAA).

Perhaps Thanet Council should make the effort to toddle along and try to claim back the £30,000 worth of night flying fines they still owe us!

Two Wheels Good

2010-05-31T23:09:00.010+01:00

Although for the purposes of non-identification, I've chosen to show only one on this occasion. Nonetheless, how marvellous to be able to strap myself into leather gear and whip out my old throbber for the purposes of giving it a good thrashing at the Margate Meltdown today! There must have been a couple of thousand others who had the same idea, judging by the turnout. But nowhere near the 30,000 ludicrously predicted by the Kent rozzers.

I must say, the Wall of Death was the best three quidsworth you could possibly hope to have with your clothes on in these parts! It was also a chance to catch up with biker chums from the smoke (London) who'd hogged out all the way from the famous Ace Cafe on the North Circular.

One chap told of a lucky escape when, approaching 170mph on the Thanet Way, he glanced in his mirror to see one of those souped up cop cars with its blues and twos going, right up his derriere. Quickly dropping down to something closer to the legal limit, and preparing to be pulled over, imagine his surprise and delight when the woodentops overtook him and roared off over the horizon. Presumably they had something more serious to attend to, such as a last minute pensions meeting or an unexpected delivery of Krispy Kremes at the police canteen!

Meltdown (& Margate) reviewed on Adventures in Mattress Land blog
More photos here on White Dalton Motorcycle Solicitor's blog